Mom's Not a Prostitute
Heart Cooling Knot Smile
Tonight for the first time I was anxious not about the agitated ideals, but because of the young man I did not know his name.
---
Actually Mak insisted that I continue my education. I see, Mak has high hopes for me to change the fate of this family. But, where can Mak get the money for daily school fees? During Junior High it felt very forced. Especially after Ambo is gone. Mak was forced to sell our rice supplies every day for my living and school expenses. By continuing education I think it will only add to the burden of Mak's mind. I decided to forget that goal. It is better to focus on helping Mak in the rice field, while trying to find any work that can lighten his load. Old body Mak actually no longer deserve to handle heavy work. But if the rice field is not planted, what do we want to eat? And if I don't help him, who else?
So in the first growing season after Ambo died, I studied extra and tried to enjoy every step. Starting from sowing seeds, uprooting, planting, to fertilizing. Actually it's not too difficult, I often see Mak and Ambo doing it. It's just that my physique is not used to it. Just for a moment, it immediately felt so tired. But if Mak alone can be that strong, I should be much stronger.
"Aren't you trying to find a job, son? Darling your diploma was stolen." I don't know how many times you repeated that word. Always, every time I see me exhausted helping him in the rice fields. I thought so too. But in this village, the employment is very minimal. Most stuck also work in the crab processing with little pay. I think I'm still mending by helping Mak's work. I might be able to get a better job if I dare to leave this village, pitting fate elsewhere. But, how could I possibly leave Mak alone? Enough of it being abandoned by my two brothers.
The harvest season arrives. I'm very excited, because this is the result of my efforts with Mak. From sowing seeds to harvesting, we do it together. Only occasionally assisted by Puang*Sudi—adik late Ambo—if the work is really done. Except for plowing business, we fully submit to Puang Sudi with wages in the form of rice after harvest later. Some of our crops are sold to meet the needs of everyday life. The rest is of course kept for food supplies.
***
Watampone, 1993
The next season is a little different. Mak is not as frequent. He's getting sick. I was suddenly worried that the disease that claimed the life of Ambo was now lodged in Mak's body. I forbid Mak to work. The work in the rice fields had to be left entirely to Puang Sudi. He invited some of his friends to participate. Salary as usual, given after the harvest. Puang Sudi will arrange it. I simply provide and deliver lunch for them every day. Like today. I had just arrived after traveling a long distance over dozens of paddy fielders. Sounds exhausting. But I've been doing it often and used to it.
I arranged dishes filled with side dishes on a sheet of sarong that I had unfurled. After finishing, I called them for lunch break. I almost knew all the friends of Puang Sudi whom he called planting this time. Except one guy. The young man who had just removed a piece of cloth used as a face cover during the planting earlier, I had only seen it for the first time. He was sitting right next to Puang Sudi. He had a few glances at me while taking some rice and some side dishes. I don't know what's interesting about the young man who's now starting to enjoy the food I'm serving. As he watched her silently, as fast as lightning, his gaze turned to my eyes. That was when at first glance he showed a knotty smile that was able to dispel the hot air of rice fields around me. Heart suddenly cold.
"Additionally, until it's all gone. There can be no leftovers." Of course I didn't talk to him. I mean let it all go. Although during the talk, I glanced more often at him.
What a short moment full of strange gurgles. I don't know why. They took each other's equipment, went back down to the paddy fields. Leaving me who was cleaning up empty dishes and a mood suddenly overgrown with thousands of flowers. Ah, what is this?
"Why do you keep smiling?" Mak caught a strange thing in the unnatural smile on my face. He who was sitting casually on the terrace admitted to seeing me smiling himself for several meters before arriving home.
I just shook my head then passed inside, intending to directly wash the tableware earlier.
Tonight for the first time I was anxious not about the agitated ideals, but because of the young man I did not know his name. I refused to say I was in love, but I don't know what the other name is. I was like this for the first time, because I was a kid. Even though I'm not a Junior High anymore, but 16 years old I don't think it's time to deal with love. But ... strange if I start to have an interest in the opposite sex?
***
Although my sleep was not so good because of the shadow of the young man's smile, I welcomed the morning with a new spirit. As always, I start the day with a clean house. Sweeping pages, washing clothes, cooking, and so on. All that work feels more exciting because this time I make it a time killer. In the afternoon, I will go to the rice field to deliver lunch again for Puang Sudi and his friends. I'll meet the young man. Oh, my God, can I just fold the rest of the time for the day to come?
The time to deliver lunch arrived. And here I am, in front of the mirror. I don't usually perform this ritual before going to the rice field. Wh-wh-what for? The powder that I wear this will also fade rolled sweat. But at least I feel better after this.
But today is not as beautiful as yesterday. The young man did not come. All the dishes I prepared were a little more special today, as well as the hasty steps earlier, suddenly felt pointless. Where the hell is he? I meant to ask Puang Sudi who was busy with his food. But urung. I have no good reason to look for him. I don't know why I'm sad.
***
Foot note:
*Call for om and aunt.
[Connected]
