Mom's Not a Prostitute
30 Minutes to Loss
The feeling I had naturally grew, then clumped up and became beautiful by itself. Although never get enough light.
---
Watampone-Sengkang, 2001
I don't know how many times the full moon has raced in the sky since Dahlan suddenly appeared at the door just to deliver a poem. I still keep the paper neat, as well as the feeling that thrives in the heart and to enjoy myself. Enjoying it in an unusual way, sometimes makes me feel stupid. It seems like something will go to waste. We are getting closer. In every holiday he always took me and Tiara for a walk around Bone City. Enjoy a variety of culinary, or just visit interesting places. But, it seemed to Dahlan that it was nothing more than the togetherness of friends. I was hoping too much from the beginning. Not once did he actually show the same taste I harbored, even if his every move was attention-grabbing. I had to kill this feeling slowly, face myself back to the mirror. I'm just a one-child widow, how could a man who has such foresight as Dahlan like me?
By itself I memorized the Dahlan holiday every month. If it's not wrong, he should be on holiday today. If it is true and he comes to take a walk, I must refuse. Of course, the reason should be prepared from now on. It seems that God's plan to bring us together is only this, not to unite. Then I should be able to keep my distance from now on if I don't want to enjoy the tremendous pain later on.
At nine o'clock in the morning Dahlan actually came up with a neat outfit. As usual, I let her in and we chatted in the living room.
"Morning is already this neat. Where's mauki going?"
"I want to go home to Atapange, there's a family event." Again I was too hopeful.
I'm just a long oo with an expression that must look weird.
"I want you and Tiara to come along, to introduce you to Ambo and Mak."
I jerked. What does he want to introduce us to his parents?
"meaning?" I cringed sharply.
Dahlan let out a long breath. "I was good at stringing words, pouring all forms of taste into writing, but it was not that easy if it had to be said directly. It took me a long time to realize my own feelings. Even after realizing it, I had no way to express it. But today I have decided. 30 more minutes I will leave for Atapange. If you would like to spend the days after this with me, come with Tiara home, we go to Atapange to meet my parents. But if this wish is one-sided, then stay here, I will set out alone. 30 minutes after I step foot through the door line of this house, I wait for your answer."
The deg!
My heart almost fell out. What did I hear just now? Love statement? Or just a joke? But earnestness thickens in Dahlan's eyes. I could feel the look was different than usual.
"Excuse me!" Dahlan moved on before I could say anything. The first second of 30 minutes has just begun. The next step brings the sturdy body further and further, taking up the rest of the time. I'm still in place. Frozen. Why even confused? Isn't this what I've been waiting for?
Suddenly a lot of things raged on my head, beating all the feelings of love I had been harboring all this time. Am I really ready to start a new life with a man?
***
The feeling I had naturally grew, then clumped up and became beautiful by itself. Although never get enough light. And when that light starts to slip, I can't possibly stand in the way. A heart patch behind a rib incarnates a flower garden. Millions of colorful florets bloomed there. In the morning sun, I sat back in Dahlan's arms. But it's not the escape story we've carved this time. We are picking up happiness.
I didn't expect Dahlan to secretly cultivate similar feelings. Miraculously, that feeling did not wither after I retold my domestic life with Daeng Hasan and how I was treated like an animal. He held Tiara and kissed her cheeks in response. The tears blurred my eyes.
After two hours of enjoying the atmosphere of each road, we began to enter the area of Sengkang City. The feeling of happiness that accompanied me along the way was completely replaced by a strange feeling that was difficult to explain. Crossing this city made me recall all those bleak times. Feels close, makes me shudder. Although Daeng Hasan was clearly dead, the fear of his sudden appearance remained. Luckily Tiara was sleeping. Otherwise, perhaps he will recognize the house we occupied first when passing in front of him. He would definitely whine to stop by, run around in his yard, chase the dragonfly like he used to.
Dahlan house is quite luxurious, looks striking among the houses around the stage. The atmosphere was crowded when we arrived.
"How many? What's the show?" ask after getting off the bike. I carried Tiara who was still half conscious after I woke up.
"Obviously, a meeting of two families. They're talking about an engagement plan."
Dahlan. "I."
I jerked. "Then?"
"You know, right, I'm a dissident. I don't want to be betrothed to a woman I don't know. As for my son, Ambo felt entitled to rule all my life. I don't like it!"
"And I'm just making you a tool?" My eyes were glazed over, feeling toyed with.
"No! It's not like that at all. I sincerely love you. That's why I brought you here on the day of their meeting, so that everyone would know immediately that I had made a choice." Dahlan said while holding both my shoulders, trying to convince.
I have no doubt whatsoever of the earnestness that lingers in Dahlan's eyes. It's just that I'm not sure this is going to go well. My feelings are starting to get bad. Should I stay in, mess up the warm conversation of the two families? I didn't think to refuse. Dahlan clasped tightly onto my hand, as if confirming I would be safe beside her.
Upon arrival at the doorway, all pairs of eyes were on us. The conversation suddenly stopped. Dahlan stepped in and immediately kissed the hands of the women and men sitting side by side on the long sofa. They must be her parents. Through an eye gesture, Dahlan told me to come in, ignoring the questionable look of the people in the room. I'm so awkward. I walked down, my head heavy to hold. Before arriving in front of them, Ambo Dahlan was already standing up and showing a look of dislike. Instantly my body felt a high-voltage electric current when looking at the man who was in the middle of the waist. I remember how I might forget. He was one of the men who had traded with Daeng Hasan, handing over rupiah sheets to enjoy my crotch. I'm sure he still remembers me. It was evident with his face suddenly flushed. There was shame mixed with anger there. What would happen if I expose it here, in front of the family and family of his future made? The dignity of this haughty man would fall for a moment. But I can't hurt Dahlan's feelings. I'm not gonna do that.
"What the fuck?" The heavy sound slid between the tightened jaws.
"Sir, Ambo, meet this woman I love."
"What kind of a show is this?" The man in the batik shirt spoke loudly while standing up, starting to not accept this situation. Looks like he's the father of the woman Dahlan will marry.
"Calm down, sir, it's just a small matter. I can handle it," persuaded Ambo Dahlan accompanied by hand gestures that reinforce his words. "Follow me in!" he said again while pulling Dahlan's hand.
"Not to go inside, Ambo. We'll just talk here to make it clearer. Let everyone know that I don't want to be betrothed to anyone, because I've found the woman I love!" After shaking off her amber hand, Dahlan then grabbed me.
"You're crazy to love pe—" Ambonya Dahlan choked, swallowing back her words. I know what he was going to say just now. "What makes you interested in a woman who already has a child like her?" His ears were raised in front of my face.
"Ambo will not understand, because Ambo never understood all the things I wanted."
Pmaakk ...!
A hard slap landed on Dahlan's cheek.
"Daeng, stop!" There was a panicked sound of her mother Dahlan holding her husband's hand that had been raised about to launch a second slap.
Dahlan's eyes glared perfectly. But suddenly his body collapsed on a table containing drinks and various cakes. For a moment he seemed to have convulsions and difficulty breathing, then unconscious. All panic, the atmosphere is getting less and less. They quickly carried him to the car and were rushed to the hospital.
With a situation like this, I can't possibly stay. Dahlan was also unlikely to leave her ambiance in such a condition to drive me home. I had to take a public transport car.
"Sorry to have involved you. I didn't expect the situation to be this complicated. Sorry to let you go home alone. I'm going to Bajoe as soon as Ambo's condition improves" Dahlan said as he drove me to the terminal.
Clear threads accompanied my journey. This city doesn't want me. Why did I have to come pick up the wound a second time? The picture of a happy life that had filled my head this morning disappeared. I should have realized from the beginning, this kind of situation would definitely happen. Every parent wants the best for their child. Including Dahlan's parents. They must have thought that I was unworthy to accompany their son. More ambiance, the man who once fucked me.
***
[Connected]
