Mom's Not a Prostitute
The Dark World is Getting Closer
It is about the obligation of a widow to support her child.
---
Since then Dahlan has never returned, but he has promised me. I heard from Abdul and Maman, he said he was forced to stop working by his parents. I've guessed this. I also have a heart to accept loss. Even if Dahlan came back, our relationship was difficult to continue. Maybe this is the best. No need to face each other again and slowly forget each other.
The first three months I managed to go through even though I still occasionally befriended the cries secretly. And if the longing has piled up, I will pay it off by rereading Dahlan's short story in the magazine he gave. Also the poem on that shabby paper. Luckily Tiara started school this year. Taking her and picking her up is a new activity that can take my mind off a little bit of anything Dahlan has to do. I don't think the boy is in a red white uniform. She looks beautiful. I'm proud to have raised him alone so far.
***
Watampone, 2007
I spent many years in solitude. I mean, I never thought of opening my heart to get back into a relationship with a man. Although some sometimes show seriousness. Either accidentally met during a gig, or introduced by a friend. I said they were no more just friends. I realized, my job as a span biduan would be a negative response. That's why I have to be good at carrying myself. Daeng Hasan's cruelty still leaves trauma. I often assume all men will do the same to me— torture in their own way. But beyond that reasonable presumption, after going against Dahlan, I never really felt long again. The man still dominates my thinking room, though he hasn't shown his nose in years. The last thing I heard, he was sent by his parents off the island. It must be their intention to secure it from me. Come to think of it, they were natural to do that. I was creepy enough to be with their kids.
My time is up for work and paying attention to Tiara. He grew bigger, and of course began to wonder about his ambiance. Even though I told you the ambassadors were dead, he seemed dissatisfied. He wanted to know more about his real father. I see, it seems like he is starting to envy his peers who can indulge with their father. He only has me. Of course I did not tell the true nature of Daeng Hasan. I don't want him to grow up with a hatred of his ambiance.
The last few months there was a little problem, Dara Sweet deserted order. The reason is, I rarely get the gig ration. At the peak of this month, I did not get a ration at all. So there is no income while the need for Tiara school needs are increasing. I heard from Siska this was due to the emergence of a new electronic group that dared to show erotic dance. Even some of their biduan did not hesitate to release the beha on stage. They named the action candoleng-doleng. I shuddered to hear it. Last week Mr. Musdar held a meeting with all his team.
"We have to move quickly, before they completely drown Dara Manis out of circulation" said the chairman.
"We have to follow their game. In fact, we'll show you a hotter one."
I jerked. No, I can't follow this policy.I'd rather step back than have to do erotic stunts in public. Not only me, other male friends also seem to mind if they have to do candoleng-doleng action. But as someone who understands the will of the market, it seems that Mr. Musdar's determination has been unanimous. He will do anything to save the group he started as a teenager. Maybe that includes firing us all and recruiting new members. After the meeting, we were given time to think. It is certain that we will not get a gig ration before being willing to do candoleng-doleng action if it is requested. And if you are willing, whenever we can re-join this group.
I was quite shocked when Siska saw me yesterday afternoon. He expressed his desire to re-join Dara Manis. In other words, he is willing to be told to do candoleng-doleng action. I have absolutely no right to forbid it. I just didn't think it through. Until now, I had not thought about it. It's better to try to find another job than to embarrass yourself on stage.
My defense began to falter after two months had passed. Finding a job in this village is not easy. Everyone needs, with no jobs. Siska did not overtly persuade me, but she often told me about her experience after rejoining Dara Manis. Not always every gig he is asked to do candoleng-doleng action, depending on the request that has a celebration. If forced, he never opened the beha as sounding, just a little hotter than his usual appearance. That's it, he explained in a persuasive tone.
In the end, I decided to join again. I did all this for Tiara. Given that soon he will enter Junior High and certainly need money that is not small to buy uniforms and new textbooks. I don't want him to drop out of school, I'll do my best.
On the first night when I had to perform with candoleng-doleng action, many times I said sorry in my heart to the late Mak and Ambo, if after this I let them down. Also to Tiara. I'm afraid that one day he'll regret having a mother like me. I downed a third of a glass of liquor to relieve grogginess and increase self-confidence. I don't know what the name is, which obviously smells really bad. This way is also done by other female friends. And proven powerful. After being on stage, I was like unconsciously doing various fun dances, evoking the orgasm of the men who flooded in front of the stage. Of course I feel bad. Every time I finished performing with that shameful act, I cursed myself. But only that. Guilt will go away after the next gig call. And the dance had to do again. So next. It is about the obligation of a widow to support her child.
***
[Connected]
