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weary

I woke up this morning with mixed feelings. Between happiness, joy, disbelief, and fear. Yes as a child who has never gone where there is fear in my heart. I'm honestly afraid of failing. But anyway I keep trying. Trying hard for myself.

I'm ready to go. Because of my train departure schedule this afternoon. Of course I don't want to be late. Because the money I used to buy those tickets was very valuable to me.

"Dad, Mother..... Ran pamit yes. Ran wants an interview in Z city. Maybe Ran will work right away if accepted. So I won't go home again, "I said.

" It's good then. Father's burden is less if you leave." said my father cynically.

"Hmmm I hope you pass the interview. Without having to come home here.s e m o g a yes "my mother replied with a dismissive tone.

"Yes mom, hopefully. Thank you for your prayers mom"

I say goodbye and kiss their hands. Nonchalantly without driving me to the door . They're staring. Their smiles look very happy. Because my departure.

The car I ordered through the app has arrived. I hurried to put my stuff in the trunk of the car. I closed the car door. And the car goes to the station.

I looked at the house, with all the bad memories in it. In my silence the driver of the car startled my daydream.

"neng where are you going? "

"city Z bang"

"Neng's college? "

"job interview bang"

"I thought I was going to college."

" There's no cost to my bang"

" The patient ones. Good luck with your interview. "

"thank you bang"

Even the driver I know is so good to me. Gave me spirit and attention. Thought.

The car stops at the station's main lobby. The car driver helped me drop off my luggage.

"thank you so much y bang" I said

"yes the same as neng. hopefully congratulations to the goal."

I pulled koper. I'm waiting in line for a ticket check. Lucky I wasn't late.

After the train arrived I rushed to find my seat no. 18 a.

it just so happened that the seat I chose was near the window. I deliberately chose a seat near the window so that throughout the trip I did not feel bored. So I can see the sights along the way. Because honestly it's hard for me to start a conversation with a new person.

When I found my seat I was shocked. Someone was already sitting there.

A man who looks grown up. He wears a jeans jacket and trousers. The man seemed to be asleep while listening to music from his phone. I told myself to rebuke him.

"I'm sorry, " said slowly.

The man didn't budge.

"Ehemmmm... I'm sorry, "I said in a louder voice.

The man looked shocked and immediately opened his headset.

"Eh, yes sorry2 mba. Gimana2?? "

said the man was stained with bricks.

"Sorry, that's my seat" I said as I showed my ticket.

"Oh, Jeez. Sorry2. "

he said while rubbing his eyes. And take the ticket out of his pocket.

"Oh yes no gw 18 b"

he immediately moved to my side of the seat.

In distress, I tried to lift my suitcase over my seat. The man helped me.

"thank you mas" I cried

"same as mba" he said

I'll sit down soon. While looking at the window. Soon the train was walking slowly. The shadow of my old shadow appeared as the train passed. There was a sense of relief I could not write in me.

"Mba, where are you going? " the man cried out to melt my silence

"City Z mas"

"Oh. Uh we haven't met you yet. Gw Radit's. What's your name?

" Gw Ran's. " I said while looking at the window of the train.

"Loyak girls go to town Z. His life was hard. "

I looked straight at him.

"Gw to interview. Hard city Z is not harder than life gw. "I said ketus.

"Wohooo.. fierce very neng. Do you have a belom residence there? If belom look out what is mahalin especially if they meet the innocent girl rich elo. "

"It's none of your business. And another one I can handle all. "I said confidently.

Although honestly I was afraid to hear from the man how hard city Z was. Especially the issue of residence. I honestly don't know where I'm going to live. The money I brought in wasn't that much either.

"Gw ud 18 years. "

"Well, that's actually karaann gw. Gini loh mbak Ran the fierce. It just so happens that my grandmother has a boarding house. Well it's simple but good, it's still very livable. It just so happened that the hostel was empty for 1 year because of the pandemic. Because my grandmother was alone there. He made me want to meet him and find out who to stay there so he wouldn't be lonely. How do you want to? As long as you know the cheapest boarding in the city of Z was 1.5 million. It's free, you know. "

Thought too. I'm honestly still scared of this guy. He could have done something bad to me. But circumstances forced me to accept his offer. My money won't be enough to rent a hostel.

"Hmmm okay" I said softly

" Will you guarantee your safety?

we just got to know"

"Yes it's up to you. I'm just here to help you have no intention of what."

"okay" I said.

City Z, the city of dreams, the city where many village girls like me dream of changing their fate. I'm a girl from a small town who's always been neglected parents can finally set foot in this town. A city full of glittering lights, tall buildings. The busy city.

"Woy ayok bengong aja" cried Radit disperse my daydream.

This guy next to me I just met is a little bit of a bitch. In our 12-hour journey on the train he kept pestering me with silly questions. But honestly her presence made my trip fun. Well at least 12 hours isn't too boring for me.

Radit looks pretty mature and I just found out he's 25. And he's tall. His body was skinny.Hair as shoulder and tied up. He wears glasses just like me. The skin is brown Typical skin of Indonesians. Her face is pretty sweet for a boy. At least not as boring as my face. With my stature that can not be said to be perfect, I hope to be accepted and get a job that deserves later.

I'm 155 cm tall, I weigh 60 kg. My hair curls waist. And I always wear glasses and earphones wherever I go. Nothing special about me. At least that's what I think.

Radit took me to a place about 30 minutes away from the station. The house looks pretty big. With a very high black gate in growing wild plants. The house looks old and scary. Radit started to open the gate. I honestly hesitated when he let me in.

"Yeah, let's go in. Bengong aja there Afraid ya lo gw sell. " Radit said with a laugh.

It was very late by then. And around the house there was no one. Radit's grandmother's old house is located at the end of a large street and left right of her empty garden. I don't see any other houses around here.

Well I dared myself to go in following Radit. Radit locked the gate back.

Kriiiitt Kriittt the sound of the old gate.

We started walking down a very large and dark courtyard. There was only one lamp in the middle of the garden near the fish pond. There is an ancient pendopo there with a teak wooden chair and Javanese decoration that is quite antique. There are also a lot of leaves scattered there. I thought maybe it was because Radit's grandmother lived alone in a house this big so she didn't have time to clean the yard.

we passed through a dark hallway. Not far from there I saw an iron-tested door. Radit opened the door. And now I see a level house with several rooms upstairs, downstairs in the main house. There's a special staircase leading up to the top floor. I also saw an open kitchen near the stairs to the top floor. Radit knocked on the door. But there's no answer.

"Grandmother must have gone to sleep" Radit said.

Without further ado he opened the door of the house with many keys that he had brought.

I followed him into the house. It turns out that this main house is very different from the atmosphere outside. Everything looks neat and organized, although there is still a "horror" impression in every detail of the furniture. Bright yellow lights decorate the contents of the wooden-walled house.

Radit let me sit in the living room.

He got me a glass of ice water from the fridge and some snacks.

"Where is my grandmother's house, right Ran? "

"Lumayan. "

"malem this lo sleep in my room aja ya Ran. lo room I have not ready because we will meet also impromptu. Tomorrow I'll get everything ready. I slept in the living room"

"Do not bother with dit. Let me sleep here. "

"Yes can't dong. Host macem I gw guest time, the girl again told to sleep in the living room. "

I thought to him, I honestly wanted to lie down. I think this body is very tired.

Radit took me to his room. Inside this main house there are 4 rooms, living room, bathroom, and dining room.

radit's room is located in the corner of the room next to the dining room. His room seemed to have been uninhabited long enough.his mattress looked dusty. There is a closet, a table filled with books and some photos and a mattress that looks very comfortable. It's very different from my bed at home. There were some guitars hanging on the wall as well there were some posters of overseas singers I didn't know there.

hhhhaaachuuuu I sneezed.

"Sorry ya Ran. room gw dirty really. understand it's 1 year gw ga here. wait. I changed the sheets first. "

Radit immediately took out a new bedsheet and cleaned the room as it was.

"Thank you, dit. I bothered to help you. "

"yes same with Ran. Hope you feel at home here. "

Radit rushed out towards the living room. He turned on the tv and lay on the sofa.

I picked up a towel, and headed to the bathroom to clean myself up after a long day on the way.

I finished the shower and I saw Radit still watching tv. I immediately rushed into the room. Ikey door.

I'm heading to the table in Radit's room. I saw a book on his desk. And I'm stunned. I saw a book with a name

"Raditya Satroatmojo faculty of veterinary medicine mayapada university"

wow I am stunned in my heart. It turns out that behind his eccentric appearance Radit is a veterinarian.

I saw another photo on the table. Radit was wearing a doctor's outfit with some of his friends.

In another photo I saw a little boy taking pictures with two adults and looking very happy. I thought maybe it was a picture of Radit and his parents as a kid.

My gaze was fixed on a single photo that made me somewhat shocked. There is a photo of Radit with a woman. The woman looks pale but looks very sweet with kebaya wrapped in peach color and hair in a bun. At first glance I saw his stature was similar to mine. Only of course the woman was much more perfect than me.See her smile was very happy. Radit also looks handsome in the photo. With her trademark tied hair. And a white coat. They took pictures showing the ring on the woman's finger.

"Ooo maybe this is Radit's wife or fiancee" I thought to myself.

I rushed to bed. I lay down myself and close my eyes. I slept that night too.