JUST A CRASH - BUTTERFLY CROSSING

1. Everything has to be a goal

warning: suicide content. Advice to read wise.

The sky that stretched over it, had no end. Shuji was sure that no matter where he stood on this earth, he would always see the sky. He was not a researcher, but knowledge was naturally on his mind. If so, has he not been in a vast, vast space; called the earth?

He would not be able to get out of this space, and his life was spent inside this space. Even this space will not run out he explored until the end of his life.

If you think again, what for?

Since he had no motivation like other humans, he was confused. Don't these people feel like someone's watching?

Maybe only Shuji feels it? Because every time something was disturbing, he always had a premonition to look at nature, look up at the sky, see what kind of entity. He looked like he was looking for something, but he felt that what he was looking for was always watching him and always being close.

He just doesn't know what. Sometimes he thought maybe what he was looking for was himself. Confusing, right?

For Shuji, living as a human is pointless. These phases are like all creatures on earth. He lives, cats live, ants live. When the time comes, he dies too, cats die, ants die.

Which is confusing, because all are equal, what is fighting for? He didn't want to dig deep, he only questioned that one thing.

He works, he receives a salary, every day he eats, every day he prepares for tomorrow. But the corner of his heart was like just seeing a dark future. The future is clearly bright.

His coworker once offered to look for something exciting, saying Shuji's life wasn't exciting enough.

Shuji visited the stalls in the red district, he tried until his steps stopped as he thought, 'maybe what he did was less challenging?'

But 'until when'?

If after he's done all this and he still feels the same saturation, how?

A month later he returned to his usual activities. Sleeping, eating, working, home. And so on. Sometimes he wants to return to his hedonistic activities, enjoying the momentary pleasures. But he knew the emptiness in his life would come back.

Shuji decides to stop working and focus on himself, but still hasn't found the path he feels fits in the heart.

When he is busy with the internet or looking for new things, he is still fine. But that activity came to an end as well. When it stopped that loneliness struck him. Like a wave that submerged itself to the bottom of the sea, Shuji was trapped there.

As a human, Shuji busied himself for fear of loneliness. It had only been six months since Shuji resigned from his old job, he had already felt a great saturation.

Unlike everyone else, he has no hobbies. In hindsight, from school time to getting into the workforce he had no passion. Maybe he was an expert in some areas but to be honest, it was a lot more exhausting. He works on it because of demands and pressure.

Recently she takes it back and tries to do things she feels like doing, but when done, Shuji realizes she no longer likes him.

Why would he be so tired like this? With such thoughts, inspiration automatically stopped coming in.

Shuji has no family or relatives, a bond that makes him feel more at home in the world. Shuji is advised to find a girlfriend or pet. In circumstances like now, let alone take care of others, take care of (mental) himself he has difficulty.

Shuji comes out of his apartment, although he is somewhat mentally bent, Shuji is still trying to make himself healthy.

The plan, now he was going to go to the park to sit back.

He knows that he is depressed, he has also come to the psychological. He said he just hasn't found anything he enjoys in this world.

Shuji tried various things, but the feeling was only for a moment, he felt in the end that this was all meaningless.

Shuji sees the children in the park playing. Self-conscious Shuji took a hidden place.

'Haah... I've been like that too, right?' Shuji sees the kids playing games and chases. They do it without burden. Shuji hopes he can return to that time. He can do many meaningless things without having to think about the purpose of life.

Shuji once again exhaled. Looking at the sky from the park bench, in a quiet place, at least he no longer felt as stuffy as when he was in his apartment room.

Yup, he once again realized that he was worthless, useless, and of no meaning to his existence in the world.

How many creatures in this world, the disappearance of one Shuji will not change the axis of the world.

'Should I just die?'

Will his life ever end, really end after that?

If he had any interest in the world, knowing death was the end of everything, he would have done whatever he could during life.

But where did the interest disappear?

Why would he think of such things?

Shuji muttered to himself. 'Maybe this is the whisper of a monster in me.'

Of course not all the thoughts in his brain should he trust. If he thought an elephant could fly, could he possibly believe 'the elephant is flying'?

Sometimes Shuji feels that he is not himself.

If you have thought so far, it feels really exhausting.

'Just leave?'

Shuji thought of what kind of dead way was suitable for him. Shuji doesn't want to die alone in his apartment. What people find out is only after the foul smell is smelled. Even though he loves tranquility, for this matter he is forced to make the public restless. Shuji apologizes first inwardly for his suicidal intentions to people who may later panic while watching.

Can you jump from the building to try? If he jumps from a tall building, he no longer needs to think when he died. Once he gets to the surface, he's dead. Maybe it's about 8-12 seconds to death? When he got to the surface, it must have been like fireworks. Squirt and full color.

"Ha-ha-ha." imagining her Shuji felt funny, then shook her head. He's gone mad.

Maybe jumping on the train tracks is more neat? Before the train passes he can calculate the time of arrival of the train, for example 15 minutes before the train arrives. So, he's got 15 minutes before he dies. Wouldn't it be stressful to know when it's time to die and to look forward to it blatantly?

Waiting for when he dies, Shuji doesn't know when it will happen. He is 26 years old. The average age of humans if they die naturally, following physical conditions over a period of approximately 72 years. Or so he said. Parents in nursing homes only exist until the age of one hundred years. Shuji could not imagine how he would live in the years to come. It must be as if he wanted to die.

He would rather die willingly.

Shuji opens his phone and checks the shinkansen schedule.

"Even o'clock in the afternoon." Too bad in his area, the shinkansen only passed once. "Today can't mean, can it?" Shuji will have to wait until tomorrow to get into action.

At that time a notification appeared on his phone.

"...Uh?"

Notifications on his phone tell him that from tomorrow, for the next three to five days there will be wind rain, so it is likely that transportation operational hours will stop. For the time being, we are waiting for more information. Communities receiving notice are urged to purchase supplies during later isolation.

"... to die is hard." Shuji has no interest in dying from a natural disaster. He wants to die with his own plan.

Shuji shifts the screen of his phone and sees the fresh fish being sold.

"....." In the description, the most extreme way of killing a fish, especially a catfish is by slamming its head. Shuji thought this was interesting, but he couldn't control the force to slam his head. The human skull can withstand pressure up to 6.5 gigapascals. As a comparison oak wood can withstand pressure below 11 gigapascals. In essence, he could not crush his own skull. Just look at the person who fought, at worst his skull cracked, not to be destroyed.

Maybe he could try by slashing himself with a knife?

Shuji was silent for a moment with that thought.

Slashing arteries can be said to be the stupidest plan to die because the time is very short. He will lose consciousness about 15-30 seconds before dying within two minutes. If you jump from the top of the building, at least he can enjoy the view before dying. But slashing himself.he read the article and said it was painful. How do they know? Could this be the testimony of the survivors after their arteries were slashed?

Because no one ever said that jumping from a building, or for example being hit by a train, was painful. For all who do it perish.

In essence, choosing to die by slashing yourself gives the possibility to live. It was a shame that he had intended to commit suicide but it turned out that he had even woken up and lived in the end. And again, he intends to do so in public.

No, he can't. If you want, maybe he can try first. Hm....

Rats became the most standard object of experimentation because in general, rats have similarities with humans in many aspects such as the function of the system.

He can find a rat farm and buy it directly or find animals around his residence.

Shuji sighed again. Even finding a way to something as trivial as this was so difficult. Should he just wait until the rain is over?

Really sucks.

As Shuji was deep in thought, at his feet he felt something softly greeted meowing.

"Huh." The gloom around Shuji disappeared instantly. "Hi, cat." Shuji moves to embrace the stray cat near his feet. It does not matter whether the cat is moldy, sick, or possibly harboring the virus.

"You must have been sent for me" Shuji said with a relieved smile. Finally one problem he was worried about was solved. This cat looks ugly and dirty, certainly no one is petting. If there is, it is not Shuji's fault that this cat is an experiment, tell him who the cat is missing.

"The mouse and the cat may be a bit different" Shuji murmured, but he didn't need a fuss, instead of making a laboratory. Simply check which part will make the die faster, and how big the incision is to inhibit the outflow of blood.

It seems like one cat will not be enough.

"Where are your other friends?" shuji asked with a small smile. If he took them all, he wouldn't have to search any more. Shuji rounded up the intention to buy cat food after this.

---------------------***------------------------

What is the most complex thing in the world besides your life?

Dealing with other creatures.

If there is more than one object, one must think of a larger space to place it. Then how's the position? Stacked or side by side? But this is not the point, which is what it means, so more factors should be considered.

Especially if the object is different?

Shuji as a human understands human language, of course. Unless he's in his identity, he thinks he's a monkey who can speak human.

One time he chatted with a client but found no bright spot. Shuji suspects that he is a donkey, but biologically he is a human with a male-like reproduction.

The male is a species that can fertilize a female species. This talent only exists in men. Either directly or indirectly.

Shuji is convinced he is: 1. Humans, 2. The male.

But the interaction with humans is not harmonious. They both have brains, they have mouths, they have senses. What is seen and heard is the same, but when it comes out so the opinion of the result is different. Especially with animals??

"Miruww!"

Shuji stared at the dry food he bought. The package was torn and the contents scattered messy with a group of cats scrambling to eat. They eat while making a 'nyaungnyaung' sound'.

From ancient human history to the present, animals have limited instincts and thoughts for things that become habits/characteristics. Cows, instincts to eat grass, but the thought of 'how to make grass so much better', or for example the thought of 'how to immigrate faster'? With a car for example—animal can not think about it.

One of the basic instincts of animals, will they not be tame and adore who feeds him?

Now Shuji is facing a cat, not a tiger.

Why is this little four-legged creature so violent after he kindly came here to feed? Making the cat as an experiment makes the existence of this cat more useful. At least this cat has some benefit for Shuji.

"Why look at me like that, hm?" Shuji stared flatly at the fat orange cat glaring at him. The cat had just clawed Shuji's arm. The scar looked bright red on his white and pale skin.

Shuji looked at his arm for a moment and thought. If he slashes quickly, it doesn't hurt too much. The cat's paws are less than half an inch long but with special techniques, the surface of the skin can be hooked so that the wound can open wider and deeper.

"But of course it's faster for live trials."

Shuji quickly catches the orange cat into his arms, which instantly receives a tantrum.

Shocked, Shuji immediately releases the cat but the orange cat hangs on his face.

How could this creature be lying on his face? Even though he was not afraid of injuries, he still felt pain for a long time.

The struggle in the alley lasted a few minutes until finally, Shuji managed to conquer the orange cat that had given up due to fatigue.

With his hands and face bleeding from claw marks, Shuji walked home. Feeling used to receiving strange gazes from those around him.

'Why? Never seen anyone bring a cat?' Shuji hissed inwardly as he glared at the middle-aged woman from behind his long bangs.

The woman just came home shopping for insulation, why face with a madman?

The woman chose another path.

"Your thick stone will block the incision. I'll shave and skin you. Just wait." Shuji threatens the cat he hugs. Although he did not understand, from the tone and frequency of Shuji— the cat knew he was being ushered in by a lowly slave. The cat's eyes countered Shuji equally sharply.

"..If only the cat in the park hadn't disappeared, I wouldn't have chosen you. Think of it as both of us's bad luck." His initial intention to bring in many cats was void. If all the stray cats in the alley were as wild as these orange cats, he would have to think of a more efficient strategy. Maybe with a net or a trap.

"Your...?" that loud voice ripped Shuji's daydream. In front of him stood a woman wearing a scarf that covered her entire head. The woman looked at Shuji with a visibly surprised expression.

"What?" Shuji said ketus. "—Never see anyone bring—," before Shuji finished speaking, his arm was pulled and the orange cat he had gotten with the long process jumped running back into his alley. His long tail sticking out was like scorn for Shuji.

Shuji stared at the orange cat's departure with a deep grudge. The rising anger at the thought of this woman appearing all of a sudden made his plan fail.

"Deliver!" Shuji pulled his hand violently and stared vexedly at the woman before him.

"Oh,"

"Well, does it pull people's hands around? Don't know you're sassy?" shuji said furiously, slapping his wrist at the shirt.

"Sorry." the woman replied nervously. "But you're hurt."

"Did I hurt you?"

The woman seems surprised by Shuji's question coming out of the topic. Confused what it had to do with the wound on his arm.

"You want me to be healthy or injured, alive or dead, it has nothing to do with you. Know it?"

"..." - ".The woman rounded her eyes, as if astonished to find this statement.

"Ah," Shuji suddenly recalled. It just seems familiar. Isn't this woman a stranger who just moved to the edge of her apartment room a few months ago? What misadventures does he have to face. Heh.

"You're a stranger, I get it. So you definitely don't know. Here in this place, help only those who need your help. Even if I'm dying, as long as I haven't asked for it, there's no need to be kind enough to do it. Understood?"

Shuji did not know whether the woman understood or not with his words. He turned around and decided to go back to his apartment. Let him think of a new way to catch the cats.

'Why the rain did not come soon'. Shuji thought annoyed. If the typhoon had come early, who knew his business could have been completed sooner.

Shuji walked past a group of mothers who were chatting near the entrance of the building. The mothers looked at Shuji carefully and moved away slowly. The carefree chatter gradually changed in whispers. Without even glancing at him Shuji knew he was the one they were talking about.

'seen?' this is a reasonable reaction.

But that woman? Shuji grunted in annoyance. Are overseas so open that strangers they find on the street will be brought home, fed, schooled, and waited for family?! (Author: that's not the case;)

Here, people will stay away and if they want to care, there are many things to consider.

Shuji knows. Because he was once in a position as those people as well.

How did he know he would even become the human that Shuji used to look down on?

When his senior says life is spinning like a wheel, Shuji just scoffs. His senior said those words so that Shuji would not jumawa. Why, yes, that time? Ah, he took the advice because he rose to office faster while his tenure was the shortest among others.

Someone could be on top and then fall down. The phrase is spoken solely by people who have low self-confidence, where they say so only to comfort their incompetence.

Perhaps this is the wheel of his life; where he now stands. But Shuji is different, he chooses himself the point he stands. He is not unable, he can still apply for a job and stand at the top of the food chain as before, which according to the human view is the pinnacle of life.

Career, love, family. He can also marry beautiful women, have children and take regular vacations every week.

"You're below or above," Shuji muttered flatly.

—The wheels of life are he who rules. He just wasn't interested.