FIZAH (Female Kolong Garbage)

PART 123 "Knowing the Taste"

*ratna

It seems soothing, if I could be up there, where Yazeed is standing right now. But, the stairs were only allowed to be climbed by the Yazeed family. Yazeed only told me without taking me to stand in front of his house, which he said was exciting. As soon as he came down the stairs, I stared at some of his face with light. Tonight he wears short knee-length levis pants, a black T-shirt, and an army jacket. Although when I realized that I was watching him, and then again likened his face to Mr. Nizam, but Yazeed is still Yazeed. He is different from everything in him.

Yazeed cared about people like me when the world almost looked at me mortal. But I am for him. When I was really at the point of consciousness, my soul was unsteady by the treasury of the world, the moment I felt was just love, I could feel the definition of the rebar I produced when I was with him. This is no ordinary feeling. Unfortunately, as the spark ignited the anger within me, I could feel nothing but hatred. Half of me may still be sane, but the other half can't be called that. I said all this when I suddenly realized the world still cares about me.

But tonight I recognized a new feeling. What I only knew when I was a year old I only knew pain and anger. Pulses in the chest cavity that I haven't been able to define. I only suddenly wanted to waltz away when Aynur and Yazeed were busy talking to each other, even though I was among them. Then, Yazeed just let me go. What is this? I was confused what to call it.

I was in front of the room. My belly buds forced me to squash my legs. Bending my legs slightly, I leaned to the left while hugging my own body. The wind slapped my face softly despite the loudness. Nothing is certain. Everything feels stupid. Is it possible that I who is indeed half-sane is stupid to interpret my own feelings. Then, this view suddenly went blank. I was drowning in a time of increasingly quiet debate. Then I realized that after I was next to me, someone touched my right shoulder. I blinked. My faded gaze forced me to blink again. Yazeed patted his left shoulder.

"I'll allow my shoulder to borrow for a while."

I also just silently follow the wind that drives my desire. There was no thumping, rumbling, or any upheaval in my chest. But, the serene and happy momentarily spread all over the nerves. I let go of my breath so smoothly. I closed my eyes very easily. When I opened my eyes, I was in my original position. Hugged myself. Ganar is back. Although mortal, the dream of a few seconds was left in my feelings. I don't understand tonight.

The bells of night dhikr activities moaned loudly. Me and the others are obliged to follow the activity for the next hour. Yazeed's father was in charge. I called him Mr. Kiai, just like the others. I'm rising. The other door opens alternately. The occupants came out wearing mukena. I've been dressed so long that there's no need to replace it.

I walked lately. My feet are not so firm. The peace that I felt when I first set foot here, now that peace is changing direction. But, I have no other choice but to just stay here until I hear from Mr. Su and the Judge at least get to go to jail for life. I also have no place to go back. I exhale. Then I inhaled it deeply. I'm looking. I found a wave of Yazeed's hand. He came down the stairs and told me to go faster. I'm on the left right. I'm the only one left behind.

The hall has been split in two. The male and female barrier stretched up to half the hall. I'm in the very back. Lean on the wall while moving a prayer beads made of wood. I followed the voice of Mr. Kiai who had been splitting quietly since half an hour ago. Anyone is not allowed to be sleepy even if there are no sanctions and guards. But, I freely enjoyed the quietness of my eyes. I felt my fingertips not moving around the prayer beads quickly.

"Finally your baby can be born safely, yes."

"Yes. Thanks for being present."

"It's my job as a husband."

"Husband?" I scrunched my forehead.

"Yes. You surprised?"

"When did you become my husband?"

"I'm looking for your family. I asked for blessing. After I got it, I married you without your knowledge. So, we're legitimate now. You don't have to worry. This baby, I'll give him a name. I also have been persecuting. My job as his new father, I'll do what I do."

Sounds happy, but confusing too. Tak kunyana I was just fooling with him.

"What is the proof if you're married to me?" I can't be that easy to give my trust to a man.

His lips pierced my forehead until a cup sounded.

"Have believed?"

I'm shaking. I hid her clear eyes with long eyelashes. That power came into existence even though my body had been weary for hours withstanding the pain of giving birth. The man now holds both hands. He put it between his palms. My tears are not felt. I pulled his hand until it reached my lips. I closed my eyes.

"Rabella?"

My body feels wiggling.

"Rabella?"

"Rabella?"

My eyes opened suddenly. Yazeed squatted right in front of me.

"The show's over? You asleep?"

"I'm asleep? Cook it?"

"Yes." Yeah."

"See your stomach!"

I'm fingering.

"Ooh." I yawned afterwards.

"You better get to bed soon. Don't daydream. Remember, don't leave your memory empty."

Yazeed. Dehemated.

"Yaz?" I'm looking.

He's down.

"What kind of man is worthy of me?"

"Try me again!"

I'm buyak. Realize what I just asked. I shook my head afterwards. But, Yazeed crouched back down.

"A man worthy of you?"

I became clumsy. Shift my sight.

"You think you want marriage?"

"E. wont. No, Yaz. Forget that! I digress. Because of my dream just now. Go!"

I'm flabbergasted. Why did the question slide just like that anyway.

"If you want to talk again, I'm ready to listen!"

"No, Yaz. Forget it!"

She went.

I gave birth to my baby safely. Then, marry a good man who is willing to accept me with all my past. But, unfortunately, it was a dream.

"Yaz?"

Steps ceased. He just looks.

"Good night, Yaz. Sweet dreams."

He returned a faint smile.

"Don't sleep here. Get back to the room immediately. Tomorrow morning we have a study. Three more days Doctor Maher will be here again. Show me you're healthy!"

"I'm having trouble sleeping, Yaz."

He even laughed.

"Why?"

"If deliberately put to sleep even can not sleep."

"The milk is drunk first. You and your baby should be healthy until you give birth later. Talk to Anyur if there's anything."