Bismillah I Chose You

Epilogues

بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْم

"God does take away one happiness in his life, but He gives another happiness similar to what He has taken."

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Five years later

Matchmaking one word a million stories. His presence often gets rejection and opposition, not infrequently even cause disputes between large families. Living together under one roof with a partner whose nature and character are not yet known, is a challenge in undergoing a household heresy that begins with an arranged marriage. Not infrequently ended up in court for various reasons, the absence of love is often the main reason, differences in character and personality no doubt participate in being his followers.

But that is not the case for Farhan and Shandra who have tasted the sweetness of the common household. Differences that used to be so striking and look not suitable, now it is actually a complement that colors the household of both. Likes and sorrows they live together, problems that come and go can make both of them want to stop and end. But it does not happen because they live it with all their heart. Both Farhan and Shandra have made promises before the Divine, no longer a promise of one's life but one's life to achieve His pleasure.

Bismil was bornohmanirohim, a panacea that came out from between Shandra's lips when she decided to accept a betrothed from a man she hadn't really known. He humbly handed it all over to the All-In-Knowing Divine. He always believed that God would never be wrong in choosing a partner for each servant, including with his soul mate. The bad past that has been very strongly attached to the prospective husband does not make him tremble and oppose the request of both parents. When Ijab qobul sounded Shandra had prepared herself, devoting the rest of her life to being with a man who was now her legal husband. A man who will be responsible for himself, and a man who will always be a priest in his prayers.

Shandra stared at the nano of a gravestone bearing the name of a person in front of it. The sense of loss and pain is still always felt when the netraanya found a series of letters arranged neatly. Years of living in adversity often make him want to end his life in order to be able to meet the prince of heart. An adult man with a handsome face and has a myriad of charms that are able to captivate all women including himself. Too many sweet stories created until the bitterness came to say hello and managed to eliminate everything just like that. Oh, God why is the fate of life so cruel to her? Can't he go back to feeling what love and affection is from someone who gave up his life just for him. Farhan Hamid Firmansyah, the man who broke his heart. The man who taught him the meaning of love and hurt in time. The meaning of a sacrifice and loss that always managed to make his chest tight is not clogged.

"Mom!" Shandra wiped the faint clear liquid out from both corners of her eyes as the son's small voice echoed through the senses of her listeners. The woman quickly gave the best smile she had to the baby.

"Why does Mom cry every time we come here?" ask the boy who is right next to her. "Just remember someone who means so much in our lives." That sentence is always the answer when the son asked that. Like an elixir spell etched neatly in every corner of his memory.

"Mamah always said that we would meet Papah but in reality we always end up here?" exclaimed the five-year-old little boy with a tone of disappointment.

Shandra smiled faintly at the son, stroking the top of his head gently with affection. He was unable to say that the mound of earth overgrown with grass was the one his son had always asked. His lips are mute, tears are always unstoppable when remembering the priest who is now on the side of the Almighty. Ever since his son went to kindergarten, the little boy has been constantly asking about the whereabouts of the father who has never been by his side, and always ends up here, in this place, without words and explanations from his beloved mother.

"The Father is always near us, with us, and looking after us." The woman's sentence was choked when she mentioned the word 'Keeping' her heart sorely sliced when the dark shadows of the past came back to haunt.

"You want to see Papah's handsome face, honey?" shandra asked softly, enthusiastically excitedly her son nodded steadily. Shandra smiled faintly, her hands moving in search of something she had stored inside her little bag.

"Try what you see now?" said Shandra while showing a mirror facing right on the handsome face of her son. The boy's forehead seemed to be multi-fold clueless and a single word made it out of his tiny lips. "I."

The woman who is now without a husband is again carving a thin smile. "Your face is similar to Papah's face, handsome and charming," he said with a slightly trembling tone of voice. The son was silent with a hard-to-understand eye. Shandra's large hand brought her son's body closer to the gravestone bearing the name of her beloved husband.

The boy saw the tombstone more clearly, trying to read the strands of letters per letter written there. "Farhan," his great-granddaughter with her head raised upwards looked at the mother's shady face. Shandra landed a brief kiss on both cheeks of her son's padlocks. "Isn't the name good, honey?"

The boy nodded with questioning eyes. Why was her middle name similar to the gravestone before her? Rafif Farhan Syahputra, that's the name the little boy was holding.

"I want to meet Papah, Mah," he said, who was now sobbing with two small hands perched nicely on Shandra's neck. She happily returned the warm embrace of her son, giving a soft rub to the back of the son.

"Without you realizing it, you've seen your Papah many times, son. Your face always reminds Mamah of your Papah." I want it to feel like Shandra said that sentence to the son just wayang. But his voice was always stuck in the esophagus.

Shandra reluctantly let go of her son's embrace, giving a brief kiss on the son's forehead. "Let's go home, it's getting late." Without many more words Rafif obeyed the invitation of the mama.

"Now our son is growing up, Mas. Wait for me and Rafif there, pray for us to be back together in His heaven" Shandra murmured quietly, very quietly so that her son would not listen. He slightly ruffled his son's hair. "Someday you'll know who the great man you've always been looking for, son."

Shandra looked back, stared intensely at her husband's final resting and said, "I'm going home first, Mas." Her steps felt heavy as she walked further away from her husband who she could no longer embrace.

- TAMAT