Become Him

Intrepidity

The room painted cream, became a new room where Rachel was treated. Just a few hours later, he returned to the treatment room and underwent a second inpatient procedure. It was only a few hours that Rachel spent in and out of the hospital. He felt that his body that was always fit this time was really weak. His lower abdomen was easily painful and tense.

It turns out true, the doctor's prediction should not be denied by the feeling of good that Rachel felt because of her ignorance of the actual condition of the body.

At the hospital earlier, doctors had advised Rachel not to get out of bed before her condition was fully recovered. But, he still insisted because he felt he was fine. But in fact, feeling okay sometimes does not always indicate that he is fine.

“I stay a while ya ma'am. If you need anything, can call the nurse by pressing this button.” Said a nurse who had just finished tidying up Rachel.

“Iya, thank you sus.” Rachel said with the little smile she showed.

The nurse smiled back, nodding before actually leaving Rachel's presence.

It was only a moment of silence, until then someone walked in and made Rachel turn her face away from the entrance.

A handsome man approached her and smiled a little. A smile that he had wanted to see a while ago.

“Hay.” greet Nata who is now standing next to Rachel's bed.

Rachel doesn't chim in. His feelings are still not strange every time he sees Nata. The shadow of her face was so torturous for Rachel, let alone her true figure.

“What are you feeling right now?” nata's voice sounded low and attentive. He even slightly ducked down and gently rubbed Rachel's head. Her warm hands were felt right by Rachel.

Not answering, Rachel kept turning her face away from Nata. His hand gripped the blanket firmly, like it was still holding back anger.

Nata could see Rachel's response subtly rejecting him. Of course this is perfectly natural. The wounds he gave off were too big and deep, it was definitely not easy for Rachel to deal with all of this.

Nata remained with his efforts to be patient. He had already decided that this time he would fight for Rachel. Fighting to take back Rachel's heart.

He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Rachel.

“Chel,” call Nata gently. This was the first time she called Rachel so gently and it felt like her own heart was rumbling again.

Rachel chose to close her eyes, holding the rumble in her chest.

“What are you doing here? Want to ask me to sign the divorce papers?” rachel asked without looking at Nata.

Nata was quite surprised to hear Rachel's question. After knowing pregnant, is it true that divorce is still the thought of Rachel?

“Chel, what are you thinking? How can we get divorced when you are pregnant like this? I came to fix everything.” Reply Nata with great earnestness.

“Why is it impossible? Just split up. I don't need to think I'm pregnant or not. I've been used to being alone without a partner trying to understand me.” This time Rachel looked at Nata. Her mentality was better prepared to face her husband.

“Chel,” Nata to be speechless especially when looking at the clear net it is so firmly say what is in his mind and feelings.

“Even if we split, mas will not lose the rights over this child. It's also if you care and do not mind having a child born from my womb.” Rachel's speech was slow yet sounded so full of emphasis.

“Job Chel...” Nata rubbed his face rough. He saw clearly the disappointment and agony that was wavering from Rachel's eyes. It seemed like he had a great determination to part with Nata without thinking of anything.

Rachel turned her face away from Nata, trying to hide her tears. She should have loved to hear that Nata loved her but she felt even more ill. Too sick to remember all the struggles he had been doing alone.

“There's nothing to fix between us. I hope, we will still be separated.” Rachel remained firm with her stance.

“Chel, I beg you. I can't separate from you. I don't even know what to do if you don't exist. What do I have to do to get you back with me?” Nata begged. He tries to grab Rachel by the hand but Rachel quickly pulls the hand away.

Nata could hear the harsh sighs and gasps blowing from Rachel's mouth.

“I don't know! After all, why would you be confused what would you do if I wasn't around?”

"For as long as I exist, I never assume that in front of the mas is me. I'm someone else making mas. She hugged me, kissed me, did whatever she wanted to do to me, but what was in my heart and mind was not me, but her."

“I feel like there is nothing we need to fix in our relationship. What you need to fix is your relationship with yourself. He ignored me because of a woman he could never forget. Mas also hurt me and made me as her, because she was the only woman who loved so much.”

“Why don't you come back with that woman? Maybe mas will be happier when with him, on the same appeal I.” This time Rachel stared fixedly at Nata. Although his eyes are watering and his heart is broken but he wants Nata to see the firmness of his speech.

Nata did not chimed in, he just bowed listlessly while shaking his head. He could understand how painful Rachel felt living with a man who thought she was the shadow of another woman.

“I did make a mistake for treating you like that woman. But, even if your perfect look becomes him, it is because you are the one who is actually perfect. Not because of her."

"That's why I realized that the one I've been in love with all this time is you. That's why I used to hold back my feelings, pretending not to care about you, because I thought that if you knew I loved you so much, you would easily play with my feelings and leave me for granted.”

“But that was first. Before, before I realized that I was doing madness with petty and stupid thoughts about you. I doubt you are so sincere in love with me.”

“In some time I did remember the woman. But, just a reminder. Because what I really enjoyed was the time we spent together.” Nata Assertive.

Rachel's heart was almost crisp especially when she saw Nata's sincere eyes touching her heart. But, he could not entrust his heart back to Nata. It was possible that Nata asked him back just because he felt empty when the man slumped. But what if Nata changes because the woman is back in their lives.

“Please immediately send a divorce letter for me to sign.” Resolutely Rachel then. He wanted to shake off that scary shadow. He was not ready to be hurt a second time.

“What?” Nata did not understand Rachel's last sentence. But Rachel did not budge, she chose to tilt her body back at Nata for the sake of not seeing the man's face again. He wanted to hide his tears without being asked. Really, he was devastated by this decision.

“Chel, is my explanation not enough? What exactly do I have to do to fix everything?” Nata still with the same question. She thought Rachel would understand her words. But it doesn't seem to be.

Errata, Rachel doesn't understand Nata's explanation. He refuses to understand what Nata is saying, because he is not quite sure of Nata's words. It's possible that Nata wants to come back not because she really loves Rachel, but because she wants a child in her womb. Then after that, it was possible that Nata would easily hurt him again.

“No matter how many times I prostrated myself to God, asking him to turn my heart over to care for me. To love me. But this time, it was enough. Just break and break my heart and feelings. I'm tired of you, struggling alone all this time. Let's just end this relationship.” Firmly Rachel while clenching her hands to round her resolve.

His chest was indeed tight imagining he and Nata would be completely separated. But even more crowded when imagining that he would have to meet the same wound. His heart is not that strong.

Nata does not chim. He was just pensive as he looked at Rachel's back who was behind him. As sure as that Rachel said a farewell, as if not giving Nata a chance to prove the seriousness of her efforts.

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