About You: Love & Sacrifice

Lose or Lose?

White enveloped letter that came with tulips a few months ago he ignored and lay on the buffet, near the flower that is now blackened. Younha whipped it up, reading the phrase "You" on the surface of the envelope with a squint that could hardly open any more.

Younha's forehead continued to wrinkle, she leaned against the buffet while pulling the double-folded letter from inside the envelope. His tears dripped again, no longer strong accommodated when reading the familiar handwriting. His chest hurt, began to feel numb to withstand the tightness for hours.

Hello, babiness.

It feels awkward to write this letter to you. Hehe, don't laugh?

After we married first, we agreed to use formal language for everyday and office and then all that kebablasan to forget that we also need to relax. Since then, I have never heard of you again. Well, out of this you can do misuh again.

I do not know when you will open this letter, because you seem to be busy too. But maybe I don't have the right to know about your activities, so I don't want to be curious.

When you read this letter, I thought you were happy and found the right person.

Because this letter you will also know, if I am a coward.

There are many things I fear in this world. But the only one that makes me afraid is you—feeling you.

You are too understanding.

You are too patient.

You are too full of love.

This evil me doesn't deserve all of you. My lack is not one, but many. It's not fair that you still survive like my husband, seen in any way there is no good.

I'm too much of a problem.

So, enough for the pain. You need to get well soon and live better. You can hate me but don't reveal it, just you save me because I'm not sure I can be strong if you hate.

Thanks for taking care of the kids for me, like you said we could tell them when the time was right. I will hold on until that time comes.

Even if I take care of you. Hug you. Protect you. So a place for you to lean—but I can't. I wasn't confident until you finally took the pain.

I hope you meet a man who can take care of you at all times, you hug if you miss, and always there if you are lonely.

I'm a coward, I know best when you're desperate but I can't do much either.

And now, you've met that guy so I'm backing off, yeah..

I don't want to say that we're really far away, I don't want to be Yeonjun and Seojun as an excuse because the truth is that I still love you.

But I realized that I had no place.

Younha-ya, I go—from your life past, present, and future. Im Stay for our Love even though you won't accept it.

Let's meet again in the future with a happier you.

Happy for you, happy for me too.

So after this, you promise to be happy huh?

I love you....

^^^For Younha-ku, Jihoonnie🥀^^^

The paper was drooping down beside his body. Younha was crying, for whatever reason, because she didn't deserve to cry over the man who always hurt her. But Younha felt empty, his world as if it were lost together with that piece of paper.

That man, the only person Younha loves the most.

All promises so as not to leave each other like a thread—just to relieve and get longer getting thinner and broken. Jihoon always swore with his soul that he would not leave Younha, but the world acted as a scissor that broke the thread.

Dding up! Ddong!

"You?"

The woman rushed to close the door but was stuck by the hand of a twig in front.

"Younha, just a minute. I want to talk to you."

...*****...

"Where have you been?"

Jihoon hugged Hyejin, then took a detailed look at the slender body. Two more hours Jihoon waited for her on the veranda of the house because the woman could not be reached. Hyejin went with her friend last day but until night did not come home. And now, the autumn wind swept over their equally pale skin with their equally hot body temperature. After Younha's father's funeral this morning, Jihoon's body grew limp and feverish.

Both of her hands rubbed the lover's shoulders gently, Hyejin who saw Jihoon's expression like that involuntarily shed tears. How could he say he was able to get through it without Jihoon?

"Are you okay?" Ask Jihoon again. "Don't just shut up Hyejin, tell me what's bothering you."

Hyejin shook her head in her joke.

Then spontaneously Jihoon's hand extended to bring the small body into his arms. He gave her the warmth and affection she always gave him. Hands crept to wipe the head of the lover who continued to cry in his arms. Jihoon did not want to ask what was going on, as he was also unsure of being able to give an answer.

"Why, hm? Same story as me?"

Hyejin shook her head, sticking her head against Jihoon's chest. "I'm happy you've been sticking with me all this time."

The man took off his embrace and looked at the small face in front of him. Jihoon's hand touched Hyejin's cheek carefully, channeling her worries in silence. He knows that nature doesn't even approve. All the affection he gave to Hyejin since long ago was just a mask.

"Is there a problem?" Jihoon continued when Hyejin seemed to keep a secret.

Hyejin.

"You sick?"

The woman sobbed, again burying her face in Jihoon's body. Hyejin didn't dare to make Jihoon worry about her again because after tonight she will leave Jihoon— that's the only way no one gets hurt. Hyejin knew that if Jihoon did not sincerely love her, all that affection was just pity and pity. So this goodbye is best, right?

"Sorry, Jihoon. I'm sorry."

Jihoon exhaled a long breath while rubbing his lover's hair.

"All will be well, don't be afraid."

The night sank and Hyejin's eyes were completely unwilling to close. Her tears had run out as she complained silently to Jihoon's chest earlier, now all that was left was a parting smile.

Hyejin's index finger went down every curve of Jihoon's face that had fallen asleep next to her. In the sting of the night and the dim lights of the room, Hyejin endured the drowsiness in order to record every precious moment from the curves of her lover's face—from her eyelashes, nose, cheeks, mouth, and chin. All Hyejin would remember in her eternal memory without a crack.

Tonight is the last night Hyejin can touch Jihoon for real. Although he could not when the sun rose later left a man he loved wholeheartedly.

Let the man not see it in a deep. Let the man not see his departure.

Hyejin knew that maybe Jihoon would not suffer so much from being separated from her. Is this some kind of karma? Yes, it can be said that way. In the end it was Hyejin who had to give up on her happiness.

The woman allowed the blanket that wrapped Jihoon's body, then brought herself closer to kiss her forehead inside. Hyejin keeps whispering love, channeling feelings through that weak kiss.

"I'm sorry I was in your life." Hyejin whispered in front of Jihoon's calm face that was not wrinkled at all. "You sacrificed a lot for me. Sorry I left this way, I hope you find your happiness again Jihoon."

Hyejin was a little away from calling someone. "I'm ready, brother."

After putting down her phone, Hyejin looked at Jihoon once more then smiled thin—smile that stored a thousand in pain.

The door closed slowly, barely making a sound. With Hyejin's lost view behind it.

...*****...