Wife Custody (Second Love)

Gamelan

Julie POV

I'm starting to gamang. The Renata thing that yesterday yelled at me when we were about to have dinner together. It's been a while since I've had a hard time hiding my worries. I'm still trying to translate the meaning of Keanu's arrival in my dreams.

"Mami why the hell? Rena was wrong in Mami's eyes? I'm a grown-up, Mi. A free man who lives my own way of life! That's it, Mi!" shouted Renata.

Really, I don't mean to blame my eldest daughter. I'm just worried. My feelings are bad.

Stupid me, carried away by emotions because of the cry of my daughter. Instead of staying calm and asking what he meant, I stood up and went into the room, crying and hugging myself in the corner. I was struck, how could Renata change this way? Why do I not recognize him anymore?

Mas Hanung caught up with me to the room, and immediately hugged me tightly. He stroked my back, trying to strengthen and transmit patience to me. I know he must be just as angry as I am, but I also know he desperately tried to hold him back so that this house wouldn't explode with infighting.

"Sstt.. Already, don't cry for long. It'sit's okay. You're the one who said, Renata is going through an early adulthood crisis. Slow down, be patient. When it's quiet, let's talk."

"I know, Mas. Accepting reality is more bitter than theory. I'm confused, what to do." I was sobbing over the fact that what I believed in the theory was inversely proportional to what happened to me. I can't accept the pain of having a conflict with my own son.

We hugged for a long time, until I fell asleep in Mas Hanung's arms.

I had a dream to meet Mas Keanu again.

As if he knew, I needed his help. I need it to deal with our daughter's change.

As if he knew, I, his wife, had a hard time not being with him. Especially at this time.

I don't want to downplay Mas Hanung's role. All this time he helped me a lot. He always supported me. Also be very kind as captain on our plane. However, there was a slight gap that was difficult for him to enter. It is the inner relationship between Renata and her biological father. No matter how Mas Hanung tried to complete it, still either he or Renata felt less than perfect. It is like a puzzle piece that is cut a little at the end. It exists, but it is not perfect.

I miss Mas Keanu a lot, regardless of Mas Hanung's whereabouts by my side. I love Mas Hanung, but not as much as I love Mas Keanu. I'm not comparing, but that's how it is.

To deal with things like this Renata crisis, I felt like I needed Mas Keanu, Renata's real father.

Indeed, I admit I repeatedly prayed in my little heart, I need Mas Keanu. If only he were alive, it might not be so hard.

In my dream this time, I seemed able to have a direct dialogue with Mas Keanu. I complain of the anxiety and excitement that I feel in the face of the process of maturity Renata, our baby. I admitted my mistake, and repeatedly asked Mas Keanu, I have to how to get through this well.

I saw Mas Keanu smiling. Just smiling, saying nothing. He didn't even come near me one bit. We were sitting in a park with tables and chairs. He didn't touch me at all. Just leaned back in his own chair without coming towards me.

He smiled at me. Long time. I wanted my heart to hold her, but somehow I couldn't do it. I was crying, sobbing in my dreams. Whether Mas Hanung in the real world can hear it or not, I don't know. I realized this was happening in a dream. I kept crying, crying to Mas Keanu. He smiled without saying anything.

At last a light came to us. Suddenly Keanu said,

Then I woke up from my sleep. The dream felt real and close. Just like the dream flashback of our first meeting. I cried again, this time in the real world. Mas Hanung woke up and hugged me. He invited me to go back to sleep.

But I can't. I can't sleep with this feeling. Gamelan.

I finally decided to make a cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen. Mas Hanung accompanied me.

"Mas sleep only. I'm okay with being alone. Poor, Mas must be sleepy," I told Mas Hanung.

"Here, I made chocolate too, honey. I'll keep you company until you feel better."

I heard him feel like crying again. How lucky I am to have such a good husband. Very well, even. Mas Keanu's decision was indeed very accurate, leave us to this sincere-hearted man before me.

Then we both drank the hot chocolate in silence. It seems Mas Hanung understands, I don't want to share a story. All this time he never forced me to tell stories without my will. He was always waiting for me to start my own story. Then he patiently listened to me without interrupting. A husband who is almost perfect.

Except one. He couldn't make me feel the feelings I only felt with Mas Keanu.

For about an hour we sat quietly and enjoyed each other's drinks. I took Mas Hanung back to the room.

"Yuk, Mum. I've been sniffing."

"really? Want to pray at night first? Let's be more relieved."

I'm nodding. May the silence of the night answer this unrest of my heart.

In my prayer, I gave up hope of meeting Mas Keanu again.

Besides I asked for the best way out for us, between me and Renata, especially.

"Yes Allah.. Please give us the best solution in this matter. Seriously, I don't understand what this all means. Servant resigned, sincere servant of what You do to us. If indeed Renata is better with his choice, please, please make it easy for him and also for us.

O Allah.. Please, give me a chance to meet Keanu again in a dream. I need his support, O God. I know this is not accurate. But I miss him, I miss him so much. Please keep him in his grave, loosen him up and cool him there. Loved him as much as he loved us all this time.

O Allah.. Please help me to be more patient and sincere in living all this. Give us a way out, O God.. Sincere servant, whatever decision you send us..."

After the prayer, I lay down beside Mas Hanung. He kissed my forehead, and hugged me while stroking my back. Until I fell asleep and dreamed again.