What's up Selena ?
Chapter 11: Seeking Him
At exactly eight o'clock I sat on the second floor balcony of my house while opening my laptop and carrying a notebook and a pen. I was carrying out my custom recorded by Damar, every eight o'clock at night I would be alone on this balcony while writing on my laptop or in a notebook without anyone accompanying me, its duration is at most thirty minutes. I do not know what to write, on this balcony I just daydream, feel how I used to be and without realizing I was too into my daydream. In my daydream I saw a man who had a sweet smile, not as tall as Damar, but he remained very beautiful in my sight.
The man was smiling at me at first, but the smile turned into anger, then turned into sadness, seeing it made me feel a deep sense of pain and guilt and when she came to hold my hand, I realized from my daydream, my tears were already running down my cheeks, and there was a very stifling feeling. Then I wrote in my notebook what the man looked like, although it was painful to remember the man but I was satisfied because this was one of God's ways to give my memory back even in very small pieces.
***
Since these three days I have only thought about the man, I have not told Damar or Kayla anything about my progress, I still hope my memory shows the man to me again but until now there is no result, I am still struggling with working on my old habits. I want to be honest with them, this habit really makes me very tired, I did not enjoy it, except for one thing, which is reading poetry at two in the morning, not because of reading his poetry but why I always get up at that hour, even though my listener is only Damar, but now Damar's voice sounds more beautiful when we chat via phone at two in the morning.
“But aja” said Kayla who turned out to be right in front of me.
“No, just think” said I smiled.
“Kok smile anyway, mikirin mas Damar well, right now has often talked in a third of the night” Kayla teases me. I don't dispute that, because if I argue Kayla still has a lot of ways to tease me about me and Damar.
“Aaan anyway, by the way mbok Ros where Kay?” Since this morning I have not seen Mbok Ros, even though the house is very clean and tidy.
“Back home to Blitar, he said there was his brother who married, and maybe his return will be the same mama until mama finished her business in Blitar, likely three more days” said Kayla with a sullen face.
“You're so pouting gitu” I know as long as mbok Ros and mama there are no two of us who will clean the house, cook and other household chores.
“We are for duty, brother who cooks and I who finishes the house” Kayla gave her thumbs up to me.
“Alright” I said while smiling wryly to Kayla.
“Oh yes yesterday brother said after three days brother focus on the list of habits that, our kembun datingain other things and this has been ten days kak” Kala narrowed his eyes towards me.
“The desire is so, but Damar again went to Bukit Tinggi to take care of his family rice fields, tomorrow just came home he said, basic well the Damar the showman” said I.
“Type of prospective wives who are not grateful, if the prospective husband works for the future of both of them, be grateful to have a prospective husband who is the same faith, handsome, well-established, beautiful, charming, intellectual, generous, and he said also the descendants of the noble” Kayla have no end to tease me.
“Kay, the joke went by well, the heart of the brother was only there...” My sentence stopped, the man came again before me, carrying a red rose with his sad face, it felt like I wanted to hug her, but then she left and further away, I came to my senses and saw Kayla waving her hand in front of my face.
“Can-can brother daydream, daydreaming mas Damar yah?” Kayla teases me again. This time I could not respond to her jokes, I immediately went to my room without saying a word to Kayla. I wanted to cry, it hurt too much when I saw the man, if he was Ghandi, but they said I liked white roses instead of red, why he gave me red roses. I don't want Kayla to be surprised to see me cry, I lock my door.
***
“You're sure he's the first?” ask Damar to me.
“Yakin Dam, it should have been from the beginning what I did” said I saw Damar driving with focus.
We stopped at a simple house, but the house was clean and tidy, so many plants neatly arranged on the porch of the house, this house was like no stranger to me, the smell of these plants and houses calms me deeply.
“Asslamualaikum” Damar knocks on the door of that house.
“Walaikumsalam” replied a woman from inside the house.
“Damar” the middle-aged woman hugged Damar and cried, as did Damar who returned the hug with haru. The woman looked at me with a surprised face, she let go of Damar's embrace, then approached me, held my face with both hands with tears still running down her cheeks, then she hugged me tightly. I could feel the warmth, comfort and longing from his embrace.
“Sorry” one word that just said from my mouth, even my tears also flowed wet the clothes of the woman.
“All happened Selena” the woman took her arms off me, wiped her tears and wiped my tears. The woman told me to go into her house.
I saw the photo on the wall and my tears were flowing again, it was the photo of the man who gave me the red rose, the man who aroused my guilt and stifled my chest.
“Ghandi” just contact my mouth mention the name Ghandi. I had guessed when he first came to my mind that he was my Ghandi, but this feeling wanted to deny him, because all I wanted to remember about my Ghandi was happy, it's not painful but I've never felt that happiness when I think about it.
“Hai” Damar waved his hand at Ghandi's photo and looked at me with a smile, I knew Damar wanted to give me strength to keep me strong.
“Sit first, auntie wants to go back first” said the woman. Me and Damar were still standing looking at so many photos in this living room, Ghandi's own photo, Ghandi's photo with his family and there were two photos that made me and Damar keep looking at him first the picture of the three of us, and then there were two photos of him, the three of us took a picture in front of a bookstore that was as interesting as the Damar bookstore I had ever been to.
“We often insult Dam?” my many.
“At least once a week we go there” said Damar.
“Buy book?” my many.
“No, just an alibi for both of us to play PS after school and you become our shield, you happen to like books so it's easy to make you wait for us and it happens that this bookstore used to have Ghandi” parents said Damar.
“Why now so have you” my question.
“Let the right people who explain it” Damar said.
“Ghandi? Dam, no need to joke deh” I said while slowly hitting Damar's arm.
I knew that she was Ghandi's mother, from the way she treated me and Damar earlier I was sure she felt Ghandi's figure in both of us, even though Ghandi's figure is left behind only in the form of memories that we always carry and memories that I still haven't met the key.
“It turns out it wasn't just me who gave you red roses” Damar saw one more photo. A picture of Ghandi and I sitting in the hospital corridor, where Ghandi and I were both wearing patient clothes, I was holding a red rose and we were smiling looking at the camera.
“Still have not sat” mama Ghandi has come bring drinks and cakes for us.
“As for aunt, I think less than aunty” Damar makes this room warm, mama Ghandi laughs at Damar, his laugh is exactly with one of the photos of Ghandi who is also laughing. If Ghandi is still here, I'm sure his laughter must be as beautiful as his mother.
“Selena, you how are you?” ask mama Ghandi.
“Good aunt, but I'm sorry because I don't remember anything” said I was almost crying again.
“Can see you aja aunty it is enough for aunt” said mama Ghandi stroked my shoulder.
“Tante, can Selena ask about Ghandi?” ask me. Mama Ghandi looked at me deeply, I was afraid she would keep her mouth shut as well as mama's. While the story of me and Ghandi in the memory of Damar can not bring me to open our memories.
“But, if aunty does not want, we will not force, we do not want to open a aunt” wound said Damar. I was afraid that Ghandi's mother would be silent, but Damar's words were a wound that might never be healed, the wound of a mother who lost her child.
“Tante willing, because aunt is waiting for you to be together in memory of Ghandi” said mama Ghandi who stroked my shoulder.
“Still aunt” I said.
“Then, when Ghandi was five years old we moved next to your house, Ghandi was his chauffeured son, very smart to get close to people's hearts, and he easily made friends, one of them is Damar” mama Ghandi smiling towards Damar.
“I'll be his friendly son aunt” Damar smiled.
“You said that the child is now cool, but the original is very friendly” mama Ghandi smiled again to see Damar.
“That's aunt” Damar pointed two thumbs at mama Ghandi.
“Semingu after moving house aunty new visit your home, because you and your family are going out of town. First we went there aunty and Ghandi saw you who are shy, but beautiful after that every day Ghandi whines with aunty so that he is escorted to your house, every time he went home tk said he wanted to see a beautiful Angel, he said, the child has been from a very small jago ngerayunya” mama Ghandi looks very happy to tell about Ghandi.
“I guess why Selena finally wants to be with Ghandi because it must be wooed continuously for a week, because I am from birth to all he could not be a friend of him if not Ghandi when SMA who helpedin” said Damar who had started teasing me.
“You're wrong Damar, open a week but a month, every day Ghandi poetry, sometimes he wears a costume and finally Selenya melted too, and so can not be separated from Ghandi continues everywhere same Ghandi, Ghandi, he wants one school, one class, everywhere always both, otherwise Selena will not want to go to school” said mama Ghandi.
“What did Ghandi ever say that he was uncomfortable I followed him and kept aunt?” manya curious. Because every talk about the past, I must always be the one who can not be separated from Ghandi and I wonder how Ghandi feels if he is uncomfortable I always follow.
“Not at all, he loves you very much, and he wants to always take care of you, one of his dreams will marry you” mama Ghandi's eyes start to glaze over again. I stroked his shoulder so that Mama Ghandi could be stronger.
“Tante why move from the house that used to” asked Damar curious.
“Five years ago, papa Ghandi fell ill with lung cancer and died, in addition, we were deceived by our business partners and eventually all our assets were lost except the house and bookstore that now has you Damar, he said, finally we decided to sell the house and Ghandi decided to quit his studies, and finally he who works became the backbone of our family” said mama Ghandi.
“Tante, Selena is sorry, so what during our separation, me and Ghandi have had an aunt fight?” manya curious.
“The two of you are so rarely met, but Ghandi never forgets you, at least once a week meet you and you were invited here, and also.” mama Ghandi stopped his sentence, he said, he then saw a picture of me with Ghandi wearing a hospital patient's shirt and carrying a red rose.
“That's me and Ghandi why yah aunty at the hospital?” manya curious.
“Asslamualaikum” a boy who may be as long as Kayla enters. His face looks similar to Ghandi but not exactly the same, even if people who know Ghandi must know that he is Ghandi's brother.
“Banu, it's already big aja” Damar was surprised to see the boy.
“Ia, mas Damar” said as he kissed Damar's hand. This kid looks very polite unlike Kayla who is very difficult to guess.
“Kak Selena how are you?” askinya. He kissed my hand.
“Ma, said buk siti don't forget today help him cook” Banu kiss mama Ghandi's hand.
“Our aunt went home first, tomorrow we come here again aunt” Damar who understands the situation of mama Ghandi and looks at me as a signal that today has run out, although I still want to hear it because it is too short, but I also have to understand.
“Actually aunt has long wanted to meet you, oh yes you just woke up in a coma directly to Indonesia?” ask mama Ghandi.
“Means Indonesia?” to my knowledge, I went from coma to waking up in the same hospital Kayla told me about.
“Mama you said you will be taken to London, so aunty can not jengukin you” said mama Ghandi. I fell silent and looked at Damar. Mama lied about where I was, what else you wanted to hide from me or Kayla lied to me.
