The Wedding With Converse

Episodes 10

When all my struggles are rendered useless,

it was at that moment that I was certain that you were the perfect embodiment of my defeat. Because you managed to make me wait for the person I love without ever being able to defend it.

Joana sits on the sofa facing the large window of the apartment. With a blank look, his gaze fell on the flickering lights of the capital city of Jakarta plastered in front of him. Sipping chocolate milk, Joana recalled the incident one month ago. Shinta and Naomi return from this apartment.

“Well how many people you tell me about my situation now? If you are so easy to tell this problem as Shinta and Naomi, it is not impossible you have told others as well,” Joana accused Raskal.

“Gue told Shinta and Naomi because I know they're your best friends. After them, I just told Gavin the same Reza,” replied Raskal weakly without looking into Joana's eyes.

“Wah, very good! Now we just wait for them to spread this news to the whole school.”

“They can't be, Jo. I know who they are.” Joana laughs gruntingly. “Their macem kids can be trusted?” joana asked skeptically, making Raskal even more depressed. “Have you not done enough to fuck me, marry me, and make my life a mess? So now you want to add my suffering with the story of all these things to people? You must know Gavin it—”

“Stop! Enough, Joana!” raskal shouted unable to bear. He might be able to accept if Joana continued to blame him. But, if the girl is involved link Gavin— his best friend who is not even wrong anything—Raskal can not just stand still.

“Lo knows nothing about Gavin. He's not as bad as you thought so far.”

“Not as bad as what I thought? You forget, he made you into a kayak school delinquent now, he made you like the tracks, and he made you into a drug user! Is all that not enough to be the reason I always think badly of him?”

“As if he was always there for me,” Raskal replied in a soft voice, but was able to make Joana mute. “Lo still have parents and brother you make a handle. You have Shinta and Naomi. That me? Who else do I have now besides the two of them? Who else wants to get this motherfucker?”

Joana was silent for a long time. His chest felt tight and painful. Raskal's words just now were so clear that they hit him hard.

“Lo ... you don't think I exist?” Joana asked stammeredly.

Raskal did not immediately answer Joana's question. He just took one step after another in front of Joana while looking at her straight. Raskal's attitude automatically makes Joana who saw him step back until his body hit the wall behind. Then, before Joana could realize it all, Raskal had spread out both hands, locking him in the man's body and also the apartment wall. Unprepared with Raskal's attitude, Joana's reflexes immediately lowered her head deeply, unwilling to look Raskal in the eye for longer.

“See my eyes, Jo,” pinta Raskal soft and soft. Soft but also full of emphasis and full of requests.

Joanna is not moving. His head was still down and his eyes were still looking the other way. Signs he's unwilling to fulfill Raskal's current request.

“Gue please, Jo. Don't look at me as a jerk who has ruined you. See me as Raskal your best friend,” pinta Raskal once again. His tone sounded very desperate.

Joana is no longer struggling. Like a statue, Joana did not move her body at all. Making Raskal who saw him immediately laugh wryly.

“If you can't see me, how can you accept me?” Raskal releases his cage from Joana's body. Then the boy turned his back to Joana. “Lo managed to make me cheer up without having to fight. I lost even before the war.”

Joana blinked her wet eyes. Before her tears fell, the girl hurriedly rubbed them. In his heart he cursed himself who always felt sad when he heard Raskal's words one month ago. Since the words were spoken, Raskal turned into a person he really did not recognize anymore. For example, when passing by, Raskal never wanted to see Joana's eyes. The guy always threw his eyes away in the other direction without even looking at him directly. Then, the guy also turned quiet and only spoke as necessary. What added to her distress, Raskal never opened up to her again. Either from the problems that befell the guy, the guy's job now, or the news about the boy's parents.

Had crossed Joana's mind, this change in Raskal's attitude happened because of himself. He's the one who kept Raskal quiet and won't share anything anymore. He's the one who made Raskal shut up because that guy won't add to his load anymore.

Joana glanced at the wall clock hanging in the TV room. It's eleven o'clock at night. But Raskal hasn't come home yet. Since the guy did not take the time to go home to the apartment, it is certain that Raskal has not had dinner.

With feelings of anxiety, anger, and worry, Joana got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen to prepare food. Angry or as hateful as he is to Raskal, in fact Joana still never able to get rid of his concern for the man.

Joana can't. It can never be.

***

At one of the SPBU in Jakarta.

“Kal, I unplug first, yes,” exclamation Irgi loudly. Raskal returned his call with a nod.

“Iya! Be careful lo,” he said as he continued to hold the handle of the gas filler to the car tank in front of him. When Irgi was gone, Raskal's attention returned to the car owner who now handed him some fifty thousand dollars.

“Thank you, Sir. Please come back,” said Raskal friendly to the driver of the car. The driver ignored it and got into the car and left.

Raskal let out a long breath. Fixing his hat slightly down, the man sat on the chair. Like running ten rounds of the field, his body felt very tired. After school, he didn't stop by his apartment just yet. His stomach was not filled at all.

If today is the same as four months ago, when she was not married to Joana and still likes to joke or play, maybe she was in the track-track arena. Get together with Reza and Gavin while looking for his new racing rivals. Not even overtime work in an SPBU with hunger conditions. Contemplating his fate now, Raskal could only bitterly smile.

“Kal, you haven't eaten yet, have you? You have bread nih.” Mr. Didin, a co-worker who was his father's age, gave Raskal a packet of chocolate bread.

“Thank you, Sir,” said Raskal while taking bread from Mr. Didin's hand. He smiled at his weak smile. Since he worked as a gasoline filler, Raskal has indeed been close to Mr. Didin. Trivial reasons. Every time he saw her, Mr. Didin always remembered his son who had died four years ago. He said, if only he were alive, Mr. Didin's son would be about the same age as Raskal. Therefore, during his work, Mr. Didin always treated Raskal like his own child.

Raskal was tired. If only his father had as good and warm a nature as Mr. Didin, maybe now he would not suffer too much.

“Well, Sir. Now he is busy trying out,” replied Raskal after swallowing his bread.

“How do you value it? Good?”

Raskal smiles. “Lumayan, Sir.”

“Good if that is so. So, when you graduate, you have to go to college and find a cooler job. The time of the gas filler anyway? Prestigious or with girls,” said Mr. Didin while laughing amusedly. Raskal heard it could only smile amusedly. The guy imagines, if Joana knows what her job is now, will that chick be as embarrassed as Mr Didin said just now?

“The plan is where you want to go, Kal? What do you want to be?”

Raskal. Pored with such questions, his stomach suddenly became nauseous.

What do you want to be?

He was still confused as to what he would be. In the past, maybe Raskal aspired to be a pilot. But, after he remembered that he had taken drugs, that ideal vanished already. The absolute requirement of pilots must be clean from narcotics. Raskal certainly did not meet that requirement.

“Not yet, Sir. But, I must be in college,” answered Raskal accordingly.

Mr. Didin nodded in understanding. His hands stretched out to pat Raskal on the shoulder. “Quick thinkin. If later you need additional costs for college, Mr. try to help.”

Raskal laughed heartily. The statement that came out of the mouth of a Mr. Didin whose status was only an SPBU officer was powerless to make Raskal's tears fall just like that.

“Still, Sir. Thank you very much,” said Raskal while wiping away his tears.

Mr. Didin chuckled. “You're such a crybaby. Just said it was already crying.”

Raskal. “I'm moved, Sir. You see, this time I met someone as good as Mr. Didin.”

“Halah! You can lie to him!” Mr. Didin laughed. “It's twelve o'clock. You go home there! You've been working from three.”

Raskal glanced at his watch. Sure enough, time has shown twelve o'clock at night. The spiff is done. It's time he came home. After saying goodbye to Mr. Didin and several other colleagues, Raskal quickly changed his duty uniform with a T-shirt.

Raskal stopped the first transport that passed by. Thirty minutes away, Raskal finally arrived in front of his apartment. With slow steps, the man walked to the elevator and pressed the floor numbers of his apartment was located.

While in the elevator, Raskal rested his body. Today he was really tired. In the past, he also often went home more than curfew, but for a much different reason. That is, to spend money, not to make money like now. With the inequality of the situation, at first maybe Raskal always complained. But, after he lived longer, Raskal finally realized that having money from his own hard work was much more fun than having to continue to ask for mercy from his father.

Ting!

The sound of the elevator bell rang, a sign he had arrived. Raskal came out and started walking towards his apartment. As is his daily habit, since Joana officially lives together and becomes his wife, when he presses the bell unknowingly Raskal always says a prayer to God so that when Joana opens the door, Joana will open the door, the girl would welcome his return with a smile. Or at least welcome him with the question ‘Why just came home? Where did you come from?’ or the other questions that stress Joana still care even if they hate her.

“Lo actually works what is play anyway?” Joana asks cynically, just as the girl opens the door for Raskal.

Raskal laughed in his heart. He berated himself who wished too high on Joana. As long as she prays, it seems Joana will continue to do so. Just like four months ago, the girl continued to be cold, spoke sharply, and always ignored Raskal's exhausted state.

Without answering Joana's question, Raskal walks into the apartment in silence. He threw his backpack onto the sofa, then walked to the balcony to pick up a towel on the clothesline.

An irritated Joana is ignored by Raskal, who follows the boy and pulls his arm. When arrested, Raskal may stop stepping, but not turn around. It was as if he did not want to look at Joana.

“If asked a question answer!”

“Gue was tired,” Raskal said as he slowly removed Joana's hand from her arm. “Looking now you sleep. By malem.”

“Capek? Do you think I always have to step in this strange attitude of lo not tired? I've started to get frustrated with lo,” Joana said annoyedly as she walked to the room and closed the door hard.

Not caring about Joana's reaction, Raskal continued his steps to the bathroom next to the kitchen. As Raskal crossed the kitchen and found the smell of food, the man walked to the dining table curiously. Sure enough, behind the hood, Raskal found a bowl of chicken soup, rice, tofu, and tempeh. From the smell that is still fragrant and warm, Raskal knew all these foods must have just been made before he came home. Then, who else in this house made it besides Joana?

Raskal's smile grew thin. He glanced at Joana's room with a meaningful look. Knowing Joana wasn't completely ignoring, she finally dared to question something she never asked again.

Can he hope again?

Can he fight again?

And can he start over all that has stopped? For example, playing basketball with the girl again, laughing with the girl again, doing strange things with the girl again, vacationing in unique places with the girl again, and then, again, and various other moments that in fact he really wants to repeat.

“Extapositions. I will hold you once again,” said Raskal confidently as he shifted the chair next to the dining table, then began to eat the food Joana provided for him with a sense of relief.