The Black Valley Becomes the Empress

The Part 11

The wind felt soft on my face. This afternoon the air is very bright. Birds chirping at each other in the air. I sat on the front porch of my father's house. 2 months have passed since that day. The day I want to erase in my memory. My condition has indeed started to stabilize, although the pain is still very much felt in the chest. But I always try to survive. Endure for my father and my two sisters. Downstream my neighbors no longer ignore me. Unlike at the beginning of the incident, although I know not a few of them are talking about me. Maybe some of them are pitying, even those who mock hate. I'm still sitting enjoying the twilight, my routine the last few weeks.maybe this is the only way I can do to just forget for a moment my disappointment. A little while later a white sedan car came into my yard.2 beautiful women came down from the front seat. I stood up to greet them with a smile. Mami Farida and mba Rina returned my smile. A week back mami farida called me. At first, my mom asked me about my news. He was also very sad about what happened to me.

"Where is your condition now?" Mami Farida said shortly after she sat on the chair on the porch of our house.

"Well mi" I forced a smile on my lips. "Where's mom?" I asked back.

"Sound mom. So when are you going back to Mom's?" mami asked softly but still there was firmness of her voice. I'm speechless. I honestly haven't thought about it at all. Indeed, my savings that I was originally going to use for silvana tuition fees have begun to thin, but to return I still doubt. "Darling, your mother's advice should not drag on in grief. Life is still moving forward, if you keep going in a place like this you will be far more behind" he continued. Mom's words are right. I have to keep going, but my heart still hurts. Over and over again I tried to put all my pain at rest, throwing all my disappointment at the deepest abyss. But without me being able to deny it the pain was slalu reappearing to the surface. "Mami know your disappointment, mami understand very well if you still feel pain. But if you continue like this." Mami did not continue her words. I still remained silent without a sound. My head is getting deeper. The pain is back present. "Think of what my mom said, my mom waited for your answer" continued mami again soon she said to me when she saw silvana coming to us.

"Mi, I'm willing" I said at last as I drove her into the car. Mom just turned towards me. In her embrace my body was warm.

"Mommy wait for your arrival"

"Tomorrow I'm blessed" I replied again. Mami nodded at me before she finally got into her car. Either I have to feel lucky or I have to feel sorry for myself when my mom comes to see me at my father's house. Lucky because it feels noticed and loved? or even pity me for the good of my mother, of course, there is a reward that I have to do. I can not deny, indeed the attention of my mother makes my thirst for the love of a mother satisfied. But again, all that I know is insincere. Mami was just expecting something from me that could be sold for her own benefit.

***

That night, I talked to my two sisters and my father to get back to work. Lucky they never asked me what kind of job I was in? But I knew sooner or later they would ask me. I asked them to talk, not because I wanted to ask permission from them. But rather I just want to say goodbye to them. I know from the look on his face they seemed worried about my decision but none of them prevented me from leaving. Or maybe they already understand my nature. Understand that if I had already decided, then that decision would be the end of the decision. After I talked to them I packed my clothes. put them in the travel bag. Silvana was helping me. I caught the movement of his hand as I put my clothes in the closet, filled with annoyance. Her eyes were down as if she did not want to show her face to me. I saw tears dripping from his place.so quickly wet the clothes he put into the travel bag.

"Na, you don't have to cry. eteh will work there"

"It should be seneng donk etah work again. that means eteh already well. right?"

"But ena is worried about tea. ena know the feeling of eteh. ena know how the pain of eteh"

"Who said it hurt?" I hold both shoulders silvana. silvana stopped his activity immediately. It looks like a lot of tears continue to flow from the corner of his eye. "Eteh is good, koq. eteh is the luckiest brother in the world. Eteh got you got a father. All that makes eteh happy"

"Eteh is never honest with you. Eteh slalu said that eteh is fine, even though he knows his heart is still injured"

"Stttt.. I know you" I said, my eyes were forced wide open. Making a facial expression. "feels like a shaman" I said. I deliberately teased him to melt the atmosphere that felt starting to touch the blue.however the way I should slalu make my face smile cheerfully in front of them.

"Eteh often contact us yes"

"definitely. Eteh will call all of you" I hug silvana's body. "Just father yes" I continued again. "Eteh is very grateful to you. I'm sorry eteh can't be a good sister to you" didn't feel tears streaming from the corner of my eyes.Silvana seemed to nod her head in my arms.

Tonight will be my last night. The night will feel so fast moving than usual.

"I'm not a good woman, even some people think I'm no more valuable than trash. I know almost everyone hates me. They only judge my work as dirty, without them thinking why do I do it? No woman in the world wants to be like me. But for me all the roads are closed. There's no gap at all. Even for a peek I can't. Even if I had to be like this all my life, I was willing to sacrifice for my family. I'm willing to go through all this. Please don't blaspheme me, don't berate me. I had to do all this. For the sake of survival. For a better life."