Short Stories Romance

Depressions

For a moment I was silent, stunned to see the endless time spinning, as if there was not the slightest pause to breathe. The recesses in the chest were crowded, accompanied by a pulse that was beating wildly. I closed my eyes, hoping it would all pass.

A golden-yellow tinge has graced the sky this morning, with a cup of coffee to kick-start the activity. I grabbed the car keys located on the nightstand, driving the car at moderate speed.

“Again, Sir!” greet one of my employees.

“Again, Mang. All smoothly ‘kan?”

“Currently Mr. Boss. All reports on palm oil income and production, already on the table,” he explained.

“Good, Thanks Mang.”

I passed by to go into the study and check the reports of my employees.

My name is Naveen, age of twenty-five, palm oil plantation owner.

Gts ... Gts ... Gts ....

The sound of the door of the workspace being knocked.

“Log in!” I answered from inside the room, with my eyes focused on today's report file.

“Bro? Busy, you!”

I look up, “Andre?”

“It's me, who else? How are you doing?”

“Good.”

We chatted nonsense outside of work. Andre is my friend and business partner. It has been a year since we were separated because he had to take care of the company in Malaysia. Many think that Andre and I lived a good life because of success at a young age. Maybe if Andre was happy. However, people have misjudged me. As far as they are concerned, I lived a good life enjoying success in my youth. No one thought, behind all that I was a man who suffered from severe depression.

I spend time working and in between free time, filling it with writing. I don't know, I feel calm when I'm writing, everything can be explained through writing.

***

My childhood was spent on the farm. Outside the plantation just to shop for groceries and school, no doubt I grew up to be a quiet and uncomfortable child to interact with others. Plus, Dad spoils me so much. The laughter always poured out in the middle of the plantation with Mom and Dad. The warm embrace of love is felt every day. I love me more than anything, and so does Mom.

Until one day, the happiness was blown away because Dad died due to an accident. I was struck to see Dad's body stiffened when he was brought home. Only a cry could I make, for it was so hard to lose the person who loved me so much. While Mom, it looks more robust. Only a few tears were spilled, his face looking sincerely released half of his heart to leave.

“Nav, already, Son. I'm llasin' Dad, huh? Let Daddy calm down by his side,” whispered Mother as she hugged me.

I do not pierce, this hand is still reluctant to remove the body of Papa who has been wrapped in a shroud. Eventually, the funeral procession will begin. Again, I was hysterical to see that the excavation of the soil that had been stored by Dad's body had been buried by the ground.

My world feels broken. The cries and roars that accompanied Dad's departure at that moment.

“Nav, home, yuk? Go with Daddy, Honey. Please,” said Mother while shedding tears.

As a boy, I didn't want to see Mom cry. This heart was determined to make her happy without any more tears dripping down her cheeks.

***

Mom's getting busy on the farm replacing Dad. While I continued school, plus taking tutoring-les to keep myself busy. We communicate less and less. The warm embrace is gone now, gone with my father's departure.

Moreover, I often go home at night because I take care of the work reports that are piling up. Understandably, I do not have experience managing plantations. After the prayer, I rushed to sleep while Mom, who did not go home at what time. We rarely met when night fell.

Ddrrr!

Alarm vibrates on the nightstand. I grabbed it and turned it off.

“Nav, have you woken up, Darling?” call Mother.

“Udah, Mom!” answer me in the room.

“Mask there, breakfast later,” the word.

“Iya!”

“Nav, breakfast is already on the dining table. Mom's leaving, huh?” my mother said when I was in the shower.

“Iya, Mom. Careful!”

I feel like I lost Dad and now Mom is far away from me. But I understand, it's all for our survival. Slovenly? For sure. The heart is determined to protect Mother and will not let her cry again. I grew up being a cuckoo person, not even impressed. The sense of care in the heart for others has disappeared. Because the one in the heart just wants to pay attention to Mom.

“Loh, why come back again?” ask me Mom.

“There are files left behind.” Mom smiled.

“Bu!” call me.

“Iya?” Mom looked at me.

“Naveen will take care of Mom. I won't let you get hurt. In fact, Naveen would hate people who love Naveen as much as he does not love Mom!” I cried while staring at the netra dusk.

“Nav, don't talk like that!”

“Bu, half of Naveen is Father and Mother. Naveen has lost Dad, Naveen does not want to lose Mom again!”

“Mother will be fine, Nav. I know what to do when I'm not strong. Nav, please hug Mom. Imagine, there is also a Father with us.”

I don't know what Mom meant. I followed his will.

**

Without me knowing, we have no expression. Our faces were flat, unable to feel sadness or happiness. The neighbors thought we were crazy. But I don't care about the grapevine that I sometimes hear from neighbors' mouths.

“Nav, please bring coffee for your Dad!”

“Good, Mom!”

She had severe depression and hallucinations, and she thought Dad was still alive. It forced me to pretend that Dad was still with us. Mom's depression got worse, so I took over the plantation while I was in high school. I who do not know the problem of the plantation, inevitably have to learn. Mother has not prepared all this because the peak of the depression she experienced was sudden. The memory of the loss of Dad seemed to disappear, all he remembered was the events before that where our family was still intact with Dad.

***

Gts ... Gts ... Gts ....

The sound of a knock woke me that morning. Mom told me to take a shower and have breakfast.

I got out of bed to take a shower and went to the dinner table after getting dressed.

Sure enough, all the food has been served at the dining table.

“Nav, I want to go with Dad. You had breakfast, huh? I cooked a lot for lunch,” said Mother.

“Iya.”

“Nav, I'm happy to have you both. Best time for Mom when with you, Mom is very happy.”

“Naveen too, Mom. Thanks so strong, we can definitely get through it.”

Over time, the depression of the mother gets worse. His fantasy was always with Dad. The days I spent being friendly with depression.

O good times they say, where are you? My days are full of delusion. My mother is happy with her world.

I saw Mother walking into the room, her face getting thinner. Mom looked at me sometimes, and smiled at me. His body disappeared behind the door. Usually, by noon Mother will wear a beautiful white dress that Dad bought first. Mother said, I was very happy when Mom put on the dress, I look more beautiful she said.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard something fall from Mom's room. I ran to see it. Turns out, the balcony door had opened and Mom had fallen off the second floor.

I walked to see it. Mother's body has been drenched in blood, her breath has gone along with the pulse on the wrist. Mom died in a white dress given by dad. I screamed and cried hysterically. For the first time I cried after Dad died, crying hysterically for Mom.

“Bu, don't go ...” I said.