Not Superwomen
Pillow Talk
Bandung, October 23, 2020 (On One Night)
The woman entered the dim room, the white bed lay neatly. A man lay there in silence, his eyes staring at the woman's arrival.
The woman stared at the bed and sighed, then stepped through the bed, sitting in front of her dresser mirror. Carefully dabbing the night cream all over his face, his eyes staring at his reflection on the glass, looking dejected.
The man got up from the bed, and stood behind the woman, watching her face in the glass,
“You look beautiful, even when you are tired and sad.”.
The woman sighed, then stood up and turned around, staring at the bed hesitantly.
The man stood beside her, though,
“Don't you miss me Nina? Missed us there?”, he whispered teasingly.
Nina's riveted. Then sigh again.
Chaotically Nina sat on the edge of the bed, then laid her hands on the softness of the bed sheet. Nina slowly laid her body on the bed. Nina lay on her back, her hands folded neatly on her chest, her eyes staring at the ceiling of the room, she said,
The man went up to the bed, both of them lying on their backs in silence,
“Lying but can't sleep…. “, The man turned his head to Nina and smiled gently, saying,
“You know how much I miss the times we fill this silence with that intimacy..”.
“I know you cheated Fer…
”
Ferry's face instantly turned deathly pale, staring in shock at Nina.
“What...?”
“I know you cheated Fer, I've known for a long time..”, clear tears rolling from the corner of Nina's eyes.
“You never showed that you knew about it..”.
“I always want to tell you that I know.. but all that is stuck on my lips..You always come home with a happy and charming smile, with the same affection … if I say it, I'll lose you…. “
“How can you know?”
“You know not Fer? It hurt so much when the truth came to me. I've been wondering for a long time. Since two months ago you started coming home late, since two months ago you started skipping dinner at home…. I wondered, but every bad thought came, every time I tried to erase it. I was afraid that my bad thoughts would come true, that you had betrayed me completely, after nearly ten years of such a happy marriage, Nina sighed sadly then rubbed the tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Then I found the paper when washing your trousers.... bon hotel dated January 24, I remember once when you were on duty to Surabaya for a week. But the hotel's bon is located in Jakarta, and on your behalf..”, the,
Ferry's face darkened with sadness,
“Yes God, Nina... Nina, why have you never asked me?.. Ah Nina, my dear, forgive me.”, Ferry tilted, trying to reach Nina's body, but her wife turned her back, her crying deepened.
“I was completely destroyed back then Ferry, it felt like all my deepest fears came true…. But somehow then I get the strength, I started to find out..”, Nina's eyes look bright, “I start to follow you often, if you leave for the office, if you leave, or if you say goodbye to leaving for out of town..”, Nina begins to fidget, turning her body again to stare at the ceiling of her room,
While Ferry lying on his side facing him stiffened waiting for his next words,
“Then I saw you with that woman, and she is the last woman in the world that I thought would be your affair..”, Nina's voice is high, “You cheated with my own sister !!, and !!, you cheated on Susan !!!”,
Ferry's face paled,
“Not so Nina.. You're wrong, I should have explained everything to you, but Susan..”.
“I saw you pick him up back then. Then the two of you went out of the car”, Nina's eyes lit up sharply, her sadness turned into fiery rage, “I followed you but I lost you guys on the toll, you drove too fast.”.
“Nina... Nina .. if only I could return the time and explain everything to you...”.
“When I hated you too Ferry…. I hate you so much, not only because of the fact that you have betrayed me, but also because you so cruelly chose my own little brother as the object of your affair.”.
“I'm so sorry Nina... I'm so sorry..”.
“I feel so hurt and betrayed…. I hate you, I hate Susan…. I hate !!!”
“Nina... Do you hear me? I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry. This should not have happened if I explained to you from the beginning..”.
“That's why I decided to kill you..”.
Ferry was stunned, and looked at Nina lying next to him,
“What..?”
“That is why I am determined to kill you…. And also Susan..”, Nina repeated her words, her voice filled with hatred.
“You can't possibly do that !!”, Ferry yelled and rolled his body down on Nina, looking into her eyes deeply, “Even you wouldn't be able to think of such a thing !! The Nina I know is a gentle and kind wife, she can't possibly think of such a thing!!”
“Nina you know is probably a gentle and kind woman…. But you should also know Ferry, the woman who loved and then betrayed, she can be evil.”, Nina's body trembles, “She can also be a Devil..”.
“No…!! No Nina !! Don't tell me you're…. If you..”.
Nina shook her head hysterically, her tears were breaking, there was anger mixed with sadness in her voice,
“That's why you said you'd go out of town again. But I know, I already knew that you would definitely go with Susan ...... “, Nina ************* both of her hands nervously, looking breathless, Nina said, so Ferry rolled his overlap from above Nina's body, then lay on his side, staring at the supine Nina staring at the ceiling of the room with a pus,
“I was very angry, I was crazy.... when you were taking a shower before leaving, I sneaked into your car... I did not understand about the car... But I learned.”, Nina started laughing hysterically, she said, “It was ironic when I learned the car engine to plan to kill my own husband…. Let it be later if you drive it with Susan, you both die in hell !!!”, Nina starts to break up, “Death to you !! Die both of you for daring to betray me...!!!!”
Nina's laughter rang out in the darkness of the night, but then the laughter turned into a heart-wrenching poignant frenzy, Nina sat down and hugged her knees, with tears pouring out nonstop,
“But why am I not happy..? why am I not satisfied..?”. His wife is sad, “So I know I love you too much Ferry, I am even ready to forgive you and take you back even if you will betray me many times…. I love you Ferry.. I love you too much to hate you.
Nina was sobbing, while Ferry was just sitting there, next to the bed glued to great sadness. Tears streamed down Ferry's face, tears of regret. It was the regret of his mistake that caused all this to happen. Regret that he has made his beloved wife suffer so much.
“I'm sorry Ferry…. I'm sorry...”, Nina's moaning is in deep pain.
At once Ferry moved, trying to hug Nina,
“I forgive you dear, not your fault..it is not your fault...I am the wrong one...”, Ferry Heart was squeezed when his transparent hand pierced through Nina's fragile shoulder to be held in her arms, consciousness brought her back. He is just an invisible, inaudible, unfeelable spirit. He was just a spirit trapped in the mortal world for loving his wife too much. Nina is unaware of her presence, Nina cannot hear it, Nina cannot know the truth.
Realizing that she cannot tell Nina the truth leaves Ferry's spirit devastated, Nina will forever bear the sin and hatred she should never have to endure…..
Nina wiped the tears on her face, but those tears kept on breaking there. The monologue he had done alone in the room had been so draining of his emotions. Her chest felt heavy keeping all these secrets. The secret that was swallowed deep. Even when she attended the funeral of her husband and sister this afternoon.
Now, staring at that empty room, the room he had occupied for ten years with his beloved husband Ferry, Nina's heart felt sliced. He had killed his own husband and sister in the name of love and jealousy. And now when the two people he hated were gone, all he felt was deep regret, there was no longer any hatred, anger and jealousy that was so burning before. But regret always comes too late. Saddened, Nina rubbed her bulging stomach a sign that life was growing inside her stomach.
“I'm sorry Ferry...”, that's how the words were said over and over again like a mantra from Nina's mouth, echoing over and over in that dim room, without any reply.
******
Bandung, July 23, 2020 (Three months before the accident)
“Why do you want to meet me ?”, Ferry looked at Susan, his sister-in-law and his eyes wince, this sister-in-law looks so pale and thin.
“I want to ask for help from Ferry”
“What help?”
Susan sipped a drink in her glass, and stared at Ferry pleading.
“But Ferry had to promise not to tell mbak Nina
“Depending, I can't just keep something secret from your mom for no apparent reason”
Susan nodded,
“Mas, Susan ran out of check in the lab. There was a tumor growing in Susan's uterus, this tumor has the potential to become cancer of the mas, doctors try so that the tissue does not spread”, so that the, susan's face looked increasingly thin and tired, “But Susan wanted to keep this a secret from Nina first,. Mas also knew that if Nina was pregnant, and Nina's condition was weak, Susan was afraid that this news would interfere with the condition of Nina”
“Mas will help Susan as much as possible, mas will also keep secret from your mother…. Then now how are you going?”
“Mas Ferry, because Susan only has Ferry mas and mbak Nina, maybe after this Susan will be very troublesome mas Ferry”
******
Bandung, August 2, 2020 (On an afternoon )
“What are you cooking this afternoon?”, Ferry leaned his body on his office chair, smiling at Nina's voice across the street, “Alright, I'll be home fast, can't wait to taste your cooking”, I'm happy, whispered Ferry gently, “And how is our son in his mother's belly today..?”
Ferry smiled again listening to Nina's answer on the other side of the phone, then he heard the tone on his phone and Ferry frowned, he saw the tone. From Susan.
“Honey, there is a phone coming in from the boss, I have to pick it up, later we connect again yes, take care of yourself until I go home”, muttered Ferry softly, then she closed her phone connection with Nina and picked up Susan's phone.
“Halo, Susan?”
“Mas....”, Susan's voice sounded weak, “Mas... Susan was bleeding a lot of gold.... Susan could not get out of bed..”.
“I'll be there soon..”, exclaimed Ferry in panic as he got up from his seat and burst out. She texted Nina half-run to her car parked in the office yard.
“Shy sorry. Telephone boss requests an impromptu meeting. I'll probably be home by night. Ii'm sorry. Leave your cooking for me yes, I will eat it later. I love you”
*******
Bandung, August 3, 2020 (At noon )
“Sayang. Maybe tonight I'll be home late again. Don't wait for me to have dinner, remember my future mother has to eat regularly. And don't wait until I don't sleep like last night, go to bed first. I love you”
Ferry reread the text and then pressed the send button to send it to Nina. He sighed as he stepped in the corridor of the white hospital. Then entered the intensive care room where Susan lay with a pale face,
Susan smiled at Ferry, her lips twitching,
“I'm sorry mas, I troublesome mas until like this”
Ferry sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Susan softly,
“It's okay San, that's for a sister...”,
Susan nodded her head, looking exhausted.
“Susan... shouldn't we tell Nina...?”
“Do not !!”, Susan half screeched, “Susan did not want to make her anxious mas, mbak Nina had already miscarried twice.. .. and now after ten years of waiting for Nina to get pregnant again, Susan doesn't want to make her anxious!”
“But however Nina will know later..”.
“Let him know later mas, if the condition of his fetus is already strong, if the condition of Susan is better”, Susan then look at Ferry with a twinkle full of hope, and,
“Doctor here recommends the best doctor in Jakarta for surgical removal of the tumor from the uterus Susan.., maybe later mas, after successful surgery Susan will tell mbak Nina”.
Ferry sighed, there was fear whispering in his heart, what if Susan did not survive? How did he explain all this to Nina?
Sorrowfully Ferry shrugged his shoulders in surrender,
“Well if that's what you want Susan, we wait until after operation”
*******
Bandung August 25, 2020 (On one night)
“Halo?”, Ferry raised the phone from Susan anxiously, during this time she has accompanied Susan to perform various treatment procedures and chemotherapy. He hoped that this phone would contain the news he was waiting for.
“Doctor has scheduled surgery”, Susan's voice across there sounded hopeful.
“When?”
“Another month mas, dated 24 September in Hospital in Jakarta”
“OK, I'll take care of you”
“Mas?”
“Ya?”
“Mas Ferry can keep it from being caught by mbak Nina?”
“Iya, I will tell him I have an office assignment to Surabaya for some time”,
*******
Bandung, October 27, 2020 (Accident Day)
Ferry guided Susan up to her car, then after sitting in the steering wheel, she ran the car.
“Today check up to the hospital in Jakarta right? How are you doing?”, Ferry observed Susan, already a month after the operation, and although she was still weak, Susan's condition looked better, there was already a hue on her face.
“Condition Susan well mas..”, Susan smiled gently, “Perhaps after coming from Jakarta this Susan will tell everything to mbak Nina”
Ferry nodded his head in agreement.
“Nina's condition is also stronger, our child is also strong and healthy Susan, you can tell slowly to Nina without fear of hurting her and her baby, Nina has the right to know, because you are her sister, you are her, his only remaining family, whom he loved dearly.”.
Susan nodded in agreement,
“Iya mas, Susan does not know what would be Susan without mbak Nina and mas Ferry, thank you mas, not to mention meeting Susan's request to keep it a secret from Nina”
Ferry nodding,
“Have it, after all you will soon also know the truth, so everything will be fine”
Everything's gonna be fine. Ferry. In recent months he has disappointed his wife a lot in order to take care of Susan's health. Sometimes she could see the sadness in Nina's eyes when she said she would be overtime, would come home late, had to work out of town and various other promises she had to make. Sometimes he was tormented knowing that he had hurt Nina, but couldn't tell his wife the reason.
But after all this, everything will be fine. Everything will return to how it was. Ferry promised inwardly to replace all the moments he wasted by ignoring his wife. After this he will devote all his attention to his wife, he will always make time for her whenever, wherever, and they will be happy. Everything's gonna be fine. She, Nina, Susan, and the baby-to-be in Nina's belly, all will be fine.
Then the big truck suddenly appeared around the corner, making Ferry surprised and immediately stepped on the brakes. But the brakes don't work. Ferry's face was deathly pale, when his car was pointed frontally to the face of the large truck that was also speeding. There was still Susan's scream next to him, before the loud bang happened, and then it was all dark…. Black…
Everything's not okay. That was what Ferry thought before his consciousness disappeared.
******
Bandung, October 23 (On One Night, after Funeral )
Flashes of the truth flashed in Ferry's mind, standing still by the bed, watching his wife sobbing and apologizing to him.
It felt like Ferry was shouting all the truth to Nina, but she was helpless, she was just an unreal spirit standing in two worlds, unable to touch Nina.
And that's where Ferry stood, a husband who never betrayed, but who has borne the charge of treason. A husband who was murdered in the name of love and jealousy of a wife who had been played with the truth.
“I'm sorry Ferry, I'm sorry..”, isak Nina, “I'm sorry...”.
“I forgive you dear, I forgive you...”,
Ferry's whispers were not heard by Nina's ears. So sad, poignant, haru, dissolved in a gray night.
Sometimes your destiny is the result of a decision. It all depends on how you're going to act, like an undeliverable message, an unflagged phone, secrets delayed to reveal, unspeakable suspicions, such trivial things, can make your destiny different if only everything was done differently.
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