Nadira (forgotten)

* Want to calm down

I quickly packed my things in one small suitcase, not much I carried, just a few clothes and all the important files. Everything I can still look for again, however, there are not many of my items in this house, because I do not like to shop like Mita who buys whatever she wants even though it does not matter.

I pull a small suitcase past all those who stare at me cynically, except papah, he keeps bowing his head since I came, whatever I want no longer care, my heart is already sick this time, my heart is sick this time, it hurts so bad.

"Thank God that you're self-conscious, get going, I'm sick of your presence in my life" said Aunt Devi, snide at me

I ignored his words again, after I looked at my papah face once again, maybe for the last time I looked at him as a child. After him? I don't know. But what I looked at did not lift his head at all, defending me like before I entered, now he was nothing more than a coward who could do nothing.

I continued to drag my suitcase towards the scooter and put it in front and without lingering I pulled the gas and did not look back again. Let it be, now I just want to get away from them all.

After 30 more meits drove with my iron horse without direction and purpose, until it reached the mosque courtyard. I lowered the standard and brought a suitcase and left it at the daycare of goods available at the mosque.

I took ablution and immediately fulfilled my duty as a Muslim. Compassion to the owner of this self, pleading for all wrongs and sins, complaining all grievances only to him so that I did not feel my cheek was wet.

I sat on a bench around the mosque which happened to have a small garden facility beside it. Reflect on all the storylines that God has laid out for my life. No complaining, it's just that in this chest a little tightness felt.

I chose to stay at mba Yuni's house. Seeing me standing in front of the door with a suitcase made him stare in wonder,

I choose not to answer. Seeing me who was just silent made him not ask much more and immediately took me into his boarding house. I chose the boarding house mba Yuni because it was not far from the cafe at work and only she really cared about me all this time.

As if understanding my circumstances, Yuni took me to her room and left me alone first. There's not much I do, just shut up and choose to calm down. I did not tell Satya or Bagas, I was afraid that they would all flutter and make things worse. I just want to calm down for now.

It doesn't feel like morning has arrived. Not knowing where Yuni slept, all I knew was that I woke up on her little bed, Yuni there was no one beside me.

Soon I cleaned this body and filled two rakaats.

When it was 06:00, the Yuni Mba was still invisible to the trunk of his nose. I chose to sit on the front porch waiting for mba Yuni, and sure enough before long Yuni came with a few bags of crackles in it.

"You've woken up, Dir?" ask when it comes closer

"It's dawn" I replied with a smile, after sleeping all night a little more quiet.