Nadira (forgotten)

*Enjoying the day with papah

If you can't love

At least don't hurt

Unleash it....

Let go of him

Let him fly flapping his wings

Seeking their own happiness

Without being burdened anymore.

"That's all because papah does have to do it" the answer from him makes me careless, all parents certainly want the best for their child. But this is what, even explaining something that should be explained was not capable.

I just kept quiet, waiting for what else to say. I don't want to talk much, let alone hope more, afraid that it's flying too high later in the fall, Sick..

I looked at her face, but it did not make my heart feel full pity.

"Papah can not explain the details how, but surely papah loves you" he explained again. I thought it would be this way eventually. I rolled my eyeballs lazily, but remained silent.

"Father always loves you. From you still in your mother's womb, until now papah always loves you, not reduced in the least. There's only one thing that makes Papah have to do that"

"Do what? And on what basis do you do it?" I asked quickly, he said, always so. I looked down at his face which kept looking down.

"Sorry for which?" Ask me again

"For everything, for the things you can't mention one by one. Of course you know better because of your feelings are always hurt by everything papah did to you. Whether intentionally or sometimes unintentionally hurt you"

Papah raised his head, looking at me who had just caught it. Papah approached and grabbed my hand, grasping it slowly. I didn't fight or respond, there was just a feeling inside. What I wanted from the beginning, his attention. Now I can get this close to him, with my own papah. Tightness in my chest held as hard as possible so that the clear circle did not fall.

"Father really loves you, don't doubt it" he said this time successfully made my tears unstoppable again, fell already stubbed on the cheeks wet it.

" Let's start from zero, papah will always make you happy son"

I can't stand to hold papah tight anymore, tight. Things I haven't done in a long time, things I've wanted to do. The warmth of his affection, nothing more. I don't want anything more, just something that simple.

We hugged each other for a long time, weeping over all the things that had happened, things that were not supposed to happen, but had already happened. Stay quiet in a position like this. Pouring each other's longing, my longing for papah and maybe his longing for me, maybe.

"Have the reward, don't cry anymore. We are not children anymore, ashamed to see a real child" I chanted to papah after I let go of his hug.

Papah just stumbled while wiping his tears. I didn't think today would be the time. Papah and I can pour out our longing for each other, as children and fathers who have not seen each other for a long time. Not a raga..not a body that can not be found, it's just that our hearts did not reach long.

I am not teaching today. I leave the house to Amak and friends.

I will spend time alone with Papah because papah asked me to accompany him on vacation. He said he deliberately took a special leave for me, sweet really hehe. Not to forget that I have permission from Bagas and im Satya, they do not comment much just say be careful. Not to forget I also told mba Yuni, afraid that later nyariin as usual he will kepo when I do not enter work, he will flocked me with many questions, and I do not want it to happen again, and I do not want it to happen again, ribetrical.

In the car we told each other many things, from my daily life and papah daily. We chose not to discuss the past, it would hurt her, she said, and I agreed. I'll enjoy this day with Papah, alone.