Is There Another Love in Your Heart?

The unexpected guest

❤❤

Prayer is always repeated. Begging Him not to get lost.

When the bell breaks I head to the canteen. Not once a month I go there. I always bring lunch at school. I was lazy to bring it when I was cooking. Sometimes I want to feel sitting and eating mixed tofu which he said teachers are tasty and cheap.

At rest hours the atmosphere of the canteen is very crowded with white gray students. Knowing my arrival, Madam Sri the owner of the canteen immediately greeted me.

“Tumben Bu Saida's. Want to dahar nopo? (what's you eating)?”

“Know there is Bu?” my many.

“Wonten.”(ada). Ma'am teacher first huh?” Bu Sri conveyed to the students who had been queuing to prioritize the teachers. They don't mind. It was usually the mother canteen. Serve the teacher first. Next to me were some teachers who also ordered food.

We chose to sit on a loose bench. One or two students were eating fried food. Knowing the presence of his teachers, they immediately excused to move. Maybe swagger. We asked him to stay in place.

Next to me sits Mrs Rani the PPKN teacher. While others are still waiting for food.

“Where is Bu Saida, has it filled yet?” sapanya while eating gado-gado.

“Please pray, Bu.”

I smiled wryly. He did not know the circumstances of my marriage. And no one should ever know the teachers here. I was acting normal and ordinary. He's still asking about my husband's job and that. Whatever it feels. But all the questions I answered flowed. As if everything was okay. I hold my eyes that are starting to fog.

“Sooking yes Mom? Until the tears came out,” he said.

“Iya Ma'am. Mostly connect nih.”

I wiped the fluid from my nose and eyes.

I don't know when I should be doing the show. Pretending it's okay. Originally it was injured. Until when can I live in a falsehood that I created myself. Sooner or later they'll know too.

***

I went to school straight to my mom's. I haven't been hooked for a few days. There is a sense of regret in both parents that I love very much.

My body is not so fit. Looks like this body started to protest asking me to rest. I was too excited to work hard. I decided to stay tonight.

Mom brought her a warm saffron concoction. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed. With a swift hand touching my forehead and both hands.

“Body anget.” I'm nodding.

“I slept here ya Bu.”

Mom wanted to look around. I have come many times alone. Usually stay every Saturday and week. He always asked where Zulfan was. And I've prepared the answer. Out of town events. Business at the cottage or something.

Both with my mother in such silence scared me. Mother is always critical and sensitive. And his eyes made me shiver. Not because of pain, but fear that suddenly alluding to my husband. Like the day before. I also pretended to sleep. But a mother's instinct speaks another. Especially the child he was born with. Of course he understands well.

This time his patience seemed to have been dashed. And my guess is mom's been holding back for so long. His mind must have been blown. Seeing the oddity for the peculiarity of his daughter.

“Nduk, be honest with mom! "

Mother's speech felt like a high-voltage electric shock. Instantly I opened my eyes. My heart is beating fast. I dare not look him in the face.

“Actually there is a problem what are you and your husband?”

I'm speechless. Trying to make up words. These eyes bowed while staring at the bedsheet of floral motifs. Then I shook weakly.

“No problem anything, Bu”

“I am your mother. Don't hide anything with mom. What's the problem?”

Until here the mother's sentence is stuck in the throat. My body is like a heavy thing. The tears I had sustained were finally broken down as well. I sobbed in the arms of the woman who bore me twenty-eight years ago. Just a sobbing that shook my shoulder. Mom hugged and stroked my hair. Maybe it's time you found out. Can't stand this self-cover anymore.

God, it's like to see my mother hurt like this. It is with a heavy heart that Zulfan has left me after two weeks of our marriage. I had to tell her because she kept pressing. This heart is like being stabbed. The words that slid from my lips were probably like a dagger that hurt my mother. I can feel that.

Mother's crying broke. My heart is shivering more and more. The sound of the door opening creaked. My father was standing at the door. You watched us cry. Especially the mother whose voice was almost roaring.

Since that incident, everything has looked empty. I don't know how to restore their happiness. For days my mother and father looked glum. It was as if they had forgotten how to smile. I feel guilty. If I may ask, they better never know my problem. Let this wound be borne by myself. But. it's all happened.

***

I just finished praying ishya. My body was still a little carefree, but the dizziness in my head was gone. I just decided to rest in my room. The sound of the door knocking.

“Assalamu aleikum.”

“Waalaikum greetings.”

The footsteps opened the door. I listened to the conversation of the Father and the guest. His voice is not foreign. Not long after that, my mother came into my room. Reported that there was Zaura and her Papa. I was shocked. I asked my mother to accompany them to talk first. Then I changed clothes with my favorite navy color gamis in a pair with a matching color hijab. I lightly rub the powder so it doesn't look pale.

With a little staggering I headed for the living room. My feelings are like a rainbow.

The faces of Zaura and her papa looked up at my presence behind the curtains separating the living room and the living room.

As usual Zaura kissed the back of my hand. I bowed my hands to my chest, Hilman doing the same move. We chatted lightly asking each other for news. Only a few days have we not met. It feels like it has gone missing.

My mom and dad decided to do the job in the back. They don't like the business of their children. Especially the kids are big. It's less common. Usually after guests come home, they just ask about various things.

“Have you been to the doctor?” ask Hilman.

This time without calling me Bun. Mercifully. Because I always salting was called that. Do not let also mother and father hear this “kesayangan” call. Could have misunderstood. I need time to slowly tell the figure of Hilman. I was just shocked by my problem. Let it flow first. Meanwhile, there was a visible anxiety in Hilman's eyes.

I'm shaking.

“Made herbal medicine equal mother. Later heal itself if made rest.”

“If until tomorrow has not healed you have to see a doctor youho.” I'm nodding.

He gave a parcel containing fruits.

“Why bother like this,” I said.

“Hmm must say so,” said Hilman.

Zaura shifted and hugged me while praying for me to be healthy soon. I returned his embrace tighter. Hilman looked at my familiarity with his daughter.

“Langai tuh mother do not be tired,” said Hilman lirih while wiping her daughter's hair.

For a moment, our irises met.

About thirty minutes Hilman and Zaura just returned home.

I called Mom and Dad into the kitchen. Tell them they want a farewell. Then we drove him to the front door.When the car disappeared from view, we stepped into the house.

I rushed straight to the room. I deliberately moved to avoid mother's questions. I don't want to talk about anything yet. Just want to rest. Tired of this heart.

Not thirty minutes have passed. Derg. Notification of incoming messages via whatsapp. Hilmanis.

His attention made me very happy. Maybe this is fake happiness. But I need someone to be a life booster.

O Lord, is this feeling wrong.Is it not You who hold this heart. You also cultivate this feeling.

Before going to bed I always take time to read the recitations, Surat Al Mulk. According to the hadith of the Prophet reading the letter of Al Mulk at night before going to bed will hinder from the torment of the grave.

I put it all on God. He is the owner of this heart. Including the fate of my marriage. There is nothing wrong with his destiny. I'm sure this is painful though.

I haven't slept yet. It was ten o'clock more. Either these eyes are still squinting.

“It's been night, Bun. Rest you know. Don't play hape keep.” Hilman suddenly wa. Just know I'm still online.

“Iya.” Emotion smile.

“Tuh right..naughty still hapean. Bun, wa an same hello?” I did not reply and immediately turned off the data then hit the phone and put it on the dressing table.

❤❤❤

Seriate....