Is There Another Love in Your Heart?

Go without Messages

❤❤

The sun is directly above the head. His scorching light seemed to slap. The wind blew the tip of the hijab. Dust is in the air. I covered my face with a light blue mask.

My body is jolly with fever. My head was twitching because of the dizziness. I don't know what really happened. Since then Zulfan has not come home nor has he given any news. Whereas before, when three days did not come home still sent me a message. Not this time at all. Is it that easy to play with marriage?

Two days ago he was just holed up in a boarding house. He wasn't straight on what happened. He said he just wanted to rest. It seems there is something he is hiding. Don't know what? I didn't expect it to be like this eventually.

I tried calling his phone many times, but it was inactive. The one I sent only ticked one.

Heart wonders. Your departure leaves a mystery. I don't know what made you do this to me. Where's my fault, Mas? Is the kindness you displayed in front of me these two weeks just a charade.

‘Until when to wait?’ this chest feels tight and hot. I feel like wailing. Injured. Kuelus. Yes Rabb, what a trial is this.

Happiness for just a moment.

This heart is clearly torn to shreds, not playing the taste. Suddenly the old face of my mother's father, two weeks ago they were so happy. Friends who constantly flirt. To this day I still receive some gifts from my friends. Congratulations to them too. It adds to the wounds in the heart. I don't know what to do. Contacting who. Don't know. I haven't been invited in his family. Don't know his friends. So what is this secret?

Innamal usri, wa inna maal usri.

In every difficulty there is ease. May Yes Rabb. I believe in all your promises. It was a miracle I was hoping for.

I still wish there was a message from you, out of nowhere. Hope this is just a dream in broad daylight. In fact, my wait is just tired. So I decided to put an end to this mysterious chapter. I'll close the meeting. After more than one full moon there was no news. Not a short time. Very clever you remove the trace. My heart was filled with hate that was hard to put into words.

Your prayers are good, your religious knowledge is broad. Less what else. But that doesn't make you good to your wife. Is not the best man the best man for his wife. It's free to be an ustadz. What you taught your students. Bulsheet. Religion is not about knowledge, but it must be internalized in behavior. Rasullallah was sent to earth for a great mission to perfect the akhlaq. I was alone in the room. I'm cursing all your behavior.

I feel ashamed of myself. Remembering the words of mas-masku. Remember when I told her to find a husband whose religion was good, to be a priest. If they know like this, somehow the comments. Maybe he'll mock me.

Sooner or later people will know. I was confused how to explain everything. Mom and Dad were probably the most hurt people after me. Rabb, I don't think I can.

Making peace with yourself requires a process. My anger's in the crown. What should I explain this to my family. You came suddenly, present in my life. And then leave suddenly. So hurt.

In the past, being called an old virgin was a baper, but what I am experiencing now is much more hurtful. Could it be true that the lyrics to the song Teh Desy? Destiny is cruel, it knows no feelings.

I remain a spinster. Only my status has changed. Where did you go, the man who changed my status?

Ever had an ugly mind. Are you not normal. Ahh, what kind of thoughts is this. Should a teacher like myself accuse her husband…? Teachers are human, but they have a heart. I almost went crazy thinking about this.

It's not easy for me to just erase your tracks. Even if you were present for only a moment in my life. There are sweet memories dancing. Almost like a mirage. At once it turned into coals.

Some messages came in my hand. The congratulations from my friends who just found out that I'm married, it's like an arrow stuck in this chest.

[Saida, good luck]

[Hopefully get momongan ya jeung]

I closed my dress with a very sad feeling. These crystal grains slowly decayed, breaking into my defensive dike. My eyes until they hurt. Up to roll up the tissue scattered on the floor of the room. Let these tears flow before they are completely dry.

I looked at the piles of gifts given by my friends lately. I put it in the corner of the room. I didn't open one. Seeing him was reluctant. Just adding to the wound.

The plan is tomorrow I will give to Miss Suparti, the owner of the orphanage, where I once taught there. Hopefully it can benefit the children of the home. There is not the slightest desire for me to just have it. Even touching him was reluctant.

After Maghrib I went there. Let no one see. Miss Party is out, so I leave it to the other nanny.

“Kok a lot, mbak?” Greet a new nanny who doesn't know me.

I'm nodding. “Make kids, Mom. Say hello to Bu Sup.”

Then I pampered. I put forward the motor leaving the parlor. Still with a feeling of pain. Arriving at the boarding house there is an incoming notification from the handpone. I clicked the green phone icon.

[Oalaah mbk Saida, until marriage kok not news]

Apparently a message from Ms. Suparti.

I reply

[I'm sorry Mom, there's no show, just a deal, please pray, nggeh]

[Eh mbak, sorry yes.why wedding gift kok in casikan to the orphanage. A lot of this too]

I imagine his face must be full of question marks.

[Hopefully useful for the children of the home, Mom] emotion smile, heart grimaces because of nyesek.

My heart is steady. Delete all memories of you. All the.

I spread this prayer mat. Only to You do I complain. ...

You are the owner of destiny. Scenario maker over me. There is no point in me rejecting this fate. The more I struggled, the more pain I felt.

I'm resigned. Whoever is present in my life is the best according to God. There is a slightly reduced burden eventually. Let time heal these wounds. Everything will be beautiful in time.

❤❤❤❤