EPOCHS

Chapter 54

Kinza Irsyania Malik POV

I stared blankly ahead. My hand was clutching my phone, intent on contacting Mas Al, but I paused.

Actually my heart is starting to improve. My brain is also thinking clearly. I began to understand the situation. I'm beginning to forgive Mas Al's mistakes. I can correct myself and admit my mistakes. And, I was able to continue my activities as usual.

It's all thanks to Mama and Papa. Their guidance and guidance has made my heart calm and sincerely accept the situation.

The flashback

“Kinza, eat first, yuk darling. Mama cook your favorite sour shrimp.” shouted Mama from outside the room. Three times in a row, he took me out to eat. However, I did not respond to him at all.

I refused constantly, because my appetite was gone somewhere.

My mind is confused. Divided everywhere. I kept thinking about Mas Al. Wondering in my heart, has Mas Al eaten? What is he doing now? What is the condition of the house when I am not there? Maybe it's messed up, or vice versa? Is Mas Al still keeping his heart for me? What if he brings Miss Amira secretly into the house? What if they do something bad?

Arrghhhh, shit! Being away from her made my heart even more chaotic. I'm nervous, not feeling good. It was only three days apart from her. Oh God? I should what?

“KINZA OPEN HIS DOOR OR PAPA DOBRAK?!” threaten Papa from behind the door. His tone was high, papa was like he was angry at me. Obviously angry, parents are talking even I did not respond. Durhaka once, hiks!

I got up in a hurry to open the door. How could I have let my favorite room door get broken. I love this room.

“You're mute, nduk? You don't have ears?” ask with judes. His calm face looked so angry. I looked down like an interrogated little boy.

“It's not like this how to solve the problem, nduk! The problem is faced, not avoided! Since when did Papa's son turn into a coward?!” she was firm while holding my shoulder. All the final sentences are marked with exclamation marks. I silently lowered my head.

“May seek tranquility and peace, but what should confine yourself in the room? Forgetting to eat, forgetting to drink. Remember, nduk, there is a baby you have to feed. Alief needs food intake, lest he get sick because of your selfishness, nduk!” connect Papa like Mas Al who is scolding me. Those words are back in my brain. All the quarrels that happened at the official house seemed to be carried over here.

“Nduk, don't torture yourself like this. Papa does not intend to scold you, this is a form of concern Papa towards you and Alief. Your dear Papa, Papa doesn't want anything bad to happen to you and Alief. Believe me, nduk, Papa has no intention at all to scold you.” Papa's voice softens. He looks guilty for scolding me. I'm fine, it's my fault.

Mama nudged Papa's arm, “udah, Pa. Kinza don't be mad at it, Kasian. We better just eat. Come on, get your stomach!” take Mama gently while pulling my delicate hand. I'm at the dinner table. I was forced to fill my stomach when I was not hungry. My appetite suddenly disappeared.

I looked at the sweet-sour shrimp that had been lying on the dinner table. The shrimp looks tempting with a spice that is so obvious. But I'm not tempted at all. Just ordinary. It was my favorite food, and.

Mas Al's.

“A meal, nduk, do not just in such a face.” reprimand Papa while devouring fried tempe flour. I shook my head weakly, “Kinza is not hungry, Pa.” reply me sober.

“Mama bribe, yes, nduk. Come on eat, you haven't eaten anything. Mama's worried, nduk." persuade mama gently. His face looked worried and worried. I can't bear it.

“Aaaa, open her mouth, dear.” persuade Mama while floating a tablespoon of rice and sweet sour shrimp.

I looked at my worried and worried mother. He was begging me to open my mouth. Because I could not see the beautiful face of my mother who had to be moody because of me, then I opened my mouth and received a feed of food containing rice and sweet sour shrimp from my mother.

Nothing changes, the taste of this sweet sour shrimp is always the same anywhere and anytime. Suddenly my memory turned to Mas Al. My brain is full of questions. Has Al eaten? What did he eat today? Who will force it? Really, I - I feel guilty for not fulfilling your obligations as a wife.

I chewed mouth after mouthful from Mama while shedding tears. My mind kept shifting during Al's time, I worried and worried about him.

After eating and feeding Alief, I was immediately carried by Mama and Papa to the family room. It seems, an impromptu trial will happen in a moment.

“Nduk, now explain to Papa and Mama, what happened to your household relationship? Maybe papa and mama can help.” persuade Papa to start interrogating me and the problems that exist. But I still keep quiet.

“Nnothing Nduk, let's just tell us. Tell me the true story from beginning to end. No lies said.” persuaded mama reassured me. But instead of answering, I just cried.

Mama grabbed my shoulder and rubbed it gently. Give every poise to every touch of his hand. My cry became more and more, echoing throughout the room.

They let me cry and wait until my crying subsides. Once I felt enough, I started to tell everything to Mom and Dad. Starting from my observation when Mas Al and Mbak Amira chat. The debate that happened when I had Mas Al give formula milk to Alief. It continues with my mistake of letting Alief starve. No, I didn't let Alif starve, but I wasn't focused. That was an accident. Really am.

Mama then embraces me, giving the best support to her daughter. “This is just a matter of poor communication. Nduk, all those problems should be discussed carefully. Whatever the origin, no matter how small the problem, yes, it must still be communicated well too. Do not use emotions, do not raise ego.” said Papa gave his encouragement to me.

“But, pa. I'm jealous to see Mas Al close to Madam Amira, his letting sister. They chatted haha hihi on the side of the road, not even caring about me who kept paying attention to them.” reply I kekeuh blame Mas Al as his antagonist. I don't want to lose, I don't want to be blamed.

I don't think Mas Al saw me, obviously, he was busy chatting with Amira. Laughing haha hihi without any restrictions.

“Ngak, Pa. He did not squirm towards Kinza. He's busy chatting." Give me a reply.

“Well, it was your fault. You said, Al doesn't care about you. How much he cares, he just doesn't see you. Yeah, where's the wrong one? So, who's wrong here?” papa said as if to blame me. I'm a bringsut, don't take it.

“Lho, how come papa be Belain Mas Al, anyway? Gini, yes, pa. Mas Al should have realized there would be me in the same location. I'm a team with Mbak Amira, when he doesn't squirm me anyway? Impossible, isn't it, Pa? He was cool to talk with Mbak Amira, to the point of forgetting with me, even though we are in the same location.” firmly I ignited emotions. Not to be blamed.

“This is the problem. Do you know what their conversation was like? You think, if Al is cool to chat while laughing haha hihi, do not care about you. Nduk, if you find out what the talk is about, surely you will understand, right? Maybe there's a reason they can laugh like that. Remember nduk, even though your husband is a soldier, still when talking to Persit's mother it should be able to adjust. Can't Al talk stiffly like he's talking to the commander? No way, to?” papa said it makes sense. I digested it carefully while examining what happened a few days ago. I was silent and felt guilty.

Oh no, one fatal mistake I made!

“But, Pa. Is jealousy wrong?” papa shook his head quickly.

“Of course not, it's actually very good. Jealousy can describe how sorry we are to someone. To the extent that we fear losing him, fearing that he might be taken by someone else. Jealousy is good, nduk. But, we have to be able to control it, under any circumstances and anyhow. You can't abuse jealousy as the beginning of a split, it's not good. Jealousy may be, but it is only natural.” said Papa again gave his very valuable advice. I fell silent, pervading every word Papa spoke.

So, my jealousy is too much, huh? Especially to hurt someone who is very valuable to me. And, more importantly, my jealousy has made my relationship with Mas Al worse. So, what is proper jealousy? Please teach me temans.

“Where? Mind now, to, nduk? From now on, learn to correct yourself properly. Don't blame others if something bad happens to you, but, look at yourself. Have you done a truth? Or even make a crime. Nduk, the greatest enemy of man is himself. Remember that!” I'm getting late in regret. So, all this time I was wrong? I made this trouble happen? And what about my heartache? Could this be karma for me? Oh no, not again.

“I know now, pa. But, still my heart aches from getting a hard beat from Mas Al. My heart hurts, Pa. Still Kinza needs to be alone.” I said after realizing that all this was my own fault. It starts with excessive jealousy. Crawling on quarrels at home after doing the task of the unit. It continued with the anger of Mas Al for knowing his son was sick because of me. And lastly, we had to do a temporary farewell. God, forgive me for being this selfish. I was too busy looking for someone's fault, but it was on me. So now what do I have to do?

“Nduk, Mama understands, mama understands. It's okay if you still want to be here. But just one message mama, don't linger too long. Kasian Al who was the victim, your husband kasian because he had to part with his wife and children. Would you leave Al alone? Can you let him be killed longing? No, nduk?” mama added her message.

“Not good to let a problem take too long. That will only lead to a bigger fight. Mumpung your mind is open, then quickly talk about it well. Before that regret comes to haunt you.” continued Mama makes me goosebumps instantly. I'm afraid in my own mind. Wrestling between heart and mind. My brain can think clearly, he can control his emotions. But unlike my heart, he still refused to accept the situation. My heart continued to hurt in the circumstances.

I don't know what to do. One side there is a desire to meet Mas Al, one side there is a desire to refuse to meet with him. Really, it's a hard choice in my opinion. I can't decide on my choice right now.

“What do I need to do, Ma? What to see Mas Al when the heart is still bruised? I can't promise to solve this problem right away, Ma. My heart is already sick.” I sobbed while hunting Mama's decapitation. I felt her delicate hand rub my back gently.

Dad hugged my body, we hugged each other. With sobs coming out of my mouth and my mouth.

Flashback off

“tes” tears I shed remembering the conversation that day with Mama and Papa.

“Alief, we go home to yuk hostel, son. Surely Alief kangen is the same Papa?” invite me enthusiastically while holding Alief's body. Now that I can decide, I'll go back to the dorm and see Mas Al back. I miss her.

I accidentally called, let's be suprise. Mas Al must be surprised and happy to see me and Alief coming back home.

Mama goes into the room, she sits while folding Alief's baby clothes. “Mama her seneng denger, Alhamdulilah mama's daughter can already make peace with the circumstances.” I smile.

“This is all thanks to Papa and Mama, you two have opened the way I thought wide. Thanks a lot, yes, Ma.”

“Sama-sama, dear. Hopefully in the future, you can be more mature.”

“Aamiin.”

...---...

The nuances of the green house are already in front of Kinza. Her sweet smile incessantly expanded. Kinza was really happy because she was finally able to return home to her husband's office.

From a distance, the house seemed quiet, the door was tightly closed. But there was a voice of chatter that was like her was going on inside there. Also, there was the noise and the sound of the cry of a child.

Brugh a rumbling voice sounded again. Kinza opened the door and saw who it was.

“M - mas Al, M - mbak Amira?” lirih Kinza with a trembling voice. His fear is really happening now.