Cracked Pearls

Oh, Dad ....

“Mami Papi wants me to move to London.” One reason came out of Nandan's mouth. It sounds weak and very heavy. “I initially refused because I obviously wanted to be here. But Papi's threats made me unable to rebel again.” He lowered his head to duck. I am still trying to listen with all my heart.

After enough of his throat back filled with air, Nandan continued his explanation.

Nandi Gunawan-papi Nandan, triggered an ultimatum that made his only son was locked in the rules he played. The middle-aged man threatened to forcibly evict the halfway house that Nandan had set up and replace it with shophouses that were more profitable for him.

That halfway house was Nandan's dream, I know that. And that guy can't do anything but follow the 'rule'.

“Trus how are we?” I shook, strengthening my heart. “Do we really have to split?”

Nandan looked at me. The clear thread of his eyes swept across my face with a smashed look. In a soft and weak tone, he then said, “Sorry me, Mut. Now I want to be honest with you.” A moment of silence to take a breath, then continue, “Besides the halfway house ... Papi doesn't like our relationship. He doesn't want us to be together, Mut.”

My heart's burning.

Honestly, I just found out about that fact now. After more than two years of walking, Nandan hid. Quickly, throughout this journey, she never repeated taking me to her house after that day - at the beginning of our courtship. She must have argued with her parents because of me.

I got up from my seat. I take a step back with a stiff motion. My palm is still firmly stuck to my lips. My tears were unceasingly flowing as if mocking my freshness.

Nandan just revealed everything.

I sued, but in the end I too was broken.

Nandan is going abroad. He's gonna leave me. He won't come back to live here again. He'll forget me. He will ....

Nah!

I can't even imagine it.

“Mut.” His pair of feet slowly approached me. I kept retreating to avoid. I don't want to be touched.

The pain in my heart beats the stinging night air puncture through the pores.

Before he grabbed me, I turned around and ran as fast as I could. Breaking through the heavy rain whose grains even felt like a fist of stone. Nandan chased after me while calling my name. But I don't give a shit. I really don't want to see it, it hurts too much.

“Pearl!” he shouted at her so many times.

Some pairs of eyes may be staring at us. I realized they were dwelling at some point-perhaps for shelter. But I can't even shake off my feelings and actions to strengthen my veins as a human being. I really don't want to care about anything.

Unfortunately, in the end I lost. Nandan managed to grab my body which he hugged tightly from behind. He was crying with his body shaking and rubbing into my body.

“I apologize to me, Muti,” he said again. “I don't want us to separate at all. I love you and you know it!” His head was heavily buried on my shoulders. “This is the toughest decision of my life,” he continued weakened.

I could only cry without commenting. The crying was mixed with rain that perhaps anyone would not be able to distinguish the water. My body feels weak. Cannot afford even just to thrash.

All right, I'll let Nandan hug me-heel. The most painful hug of my life-the last hug. At least until he's satisfied, and can forget about me later.

“I want to go home.”

****

The sweet taste of sugar can be toxic, when poured in excessive doses. And that's me.

I regret that a little.

Nandan's bike just passed after driving me home. I threw him away as he continued to stay in the courtyard without moving. The longer he's in front of me, the more it hurts my heart to look at him. He relented with my will in the end and passed with a muddled face.

I can imagine Dad's anxious face when he saw the sad look of his beloved daughter later. A million questions must have caught me in his worry.

In the end I chose to sit with my head resting on the high pillar of the house while hugging my knees that were shaking from the cold.

My tears came back down drop by drop until they made the river. The shadow of Nandan's temperament continues to disturb. That ever-soothing shady face, now feels like a knife that cuts my heart to the blood.

I'm not willing, this long chain of memories for almost three years, to be cut off just because of a distance that's even just a plan. Can't he fight again?

This motherfucker's cry leads me around. My shoulders shook again in a chaotic feeling and did not know what to do.

“Mutia! You're home, son?!”

I was shocked too. Why does the door not sound when it opens? I growled inwardly. I quickly wiped my cheeks soaked in these fucking tears, so Dad wouldn't realize how broken I was right now.

“Why are you, honey?!” tanya worried as she clenched my chin for him to face towards her.

Obviously this is my face.

I slowly brushed his hand and threw a look in the other direction. “Muti is okay, Well,” I hid.

But it's not Dad if you don't realize. “Poor liars!" snarl. He held both of my shoulders, and then led me to stand. “Jelasin is now the same Dad! Where are you abis from? Why did you come home so messy?!”

I can't hold my cry anymore. I drowned my head in Dad's chest which always felt comfortable.

“Nandan, Yeah ... Nandan!” I started complaining in a roar. “Nand broke up I just because I want to move abroad.” I could never lie to anyone, especially that person was Dad.

I didn't hear a single word from the mouth of my beloved man. But his palm was still busy stroking my head and back full of tenderness.

I don't want to see his expression right now. I was too scared.

“You wait here,” said Father later. He let go of our embrace a moment later.

“Where to go?” my question is to follow his movements. He walked in one direction. I saw his hand clutching the raincoat hanging from the corner of the porch wall, then put on it in a hurry. “Yah! What do you want?” my ul started to worry.

“Dad to make a calculation.” His face began to turn dark. This time he went into the house.

The clinking sound of the motor key being clad in a small chain, rang out after he reached the doorway. I started walking to the front of the yard. The helmet was already worn after pulling a rough flip-flop on the edge of the terrace which then complemented his pair of legs.

“Dad! No need, Dad!” I pulled his hand that was about to start the bike, trying to stop. “I told you to, I received!”

“What's wrong?!” hardik hard Daddy. While the rain had already fallen back, it had flushed away whatever was not hidden beneath. “You cry already like losing a leg, which is practically fine! Anyway Dad will make the same calculation Nandan!”

The sound of the motor engine began to air. I was really angry this time.

“Yaaah .. but all is not pure fault Nandan.”

Unfortunately, my words were no longer heard. He disappeared from my sight with his favorite motorcycle.

I smashed myself over a thick expanse of Japanese grass in the courtyard of the house. I am fragile, without being able to do anything.