Casanova Brief of Widows

Chapter 18

I haven't been to an ordinary mosque in a week. During that time I did not meet Arumi. However, my worship is still well done. Because my worship has nothing to do with Arumi.

Don't ask me how I've been doing for a week. I was just trying to cover up my longing. I have never been absent from praying after prayer. I realize very well if the feeling I feel is very wrong. That's why I always pray and ask the Almighty not to think about people's wives. But what happened was just the opposite. The more I miss Arumi. The photos on my phone have been deleted. Ah, it's getting harder on my hudup. It seems like the universe isn't supporting me to be happy lately. I asked to forget and remember. Is my prayer wrong or what? Do I have to ask to be spared snatching someone's wife like that?

The more I get here, the more my job gets ruined. I am not focused on my activities. Even once Firdaus I snapped just for a small mistake. I never yelled at anyone before. Because Bari who used to be very happy and not too dizzy with life. However, ever since I knew Arumi my world seemed to be thrown one hundred and eighty degrees. I became a human being in general, angry unclear, daydreaming and many more unprofitable activities that I do.

"Sir, what's for lunch?" ask Firdaus who has been missing lately. Every time I see my beloved secretary, I feel guilty because she is the one who has been affected the most by what happened to me.

Firdaus and I are not just secretaries and superiors. He's what I consider a friend, a friend, a sister. He's good at organizing himself as what I am when my emotions are unstable.

I was quite open with him. Whatever I feel and whatever problems I can't solve on my own, I always confide in him. This happened because my two best friends were married and there was no way I could add to their burden. Mammy? I don't want to confide in you anything, not because I don't think about it, you're old enough to understand the burden of my life. So I do not want to add to the burden of his mind that will affect health. Let me just know my happiness.

"I don't want to eat lunch" I replied with a stupefied face.

Somehow my face is now. I never wear my skincare again. My thoughts are only with Arumi and the woman who often comes to my dreams. I myself was confused, why I always dreamed of the same woman with the bad treatment of the man I suspected her husband to be. Don't know what's wrong until the woman's always been tortured.

"Sorry sir, it's not that I'm presumptuous. It's been a few days that you haven't had lunch. I'm afraid mag master relapsed."

"Gue doesn't have appetite."

"If you have a problem, you can tell me as usual. If you don't want anyone else to know about your problem, you can hold a prayer rite in a third of the night. Sorry instead of me teaching, but only giving advice so that you do not bear the burden alone. You have to stay healthy for mom and Farah too. Master can shadow how they are without master. Surely they will lose their way, however independent a woman still needs a male figure who will be their protector."

My eyes instantly dewy as Firdaus called out the names of mother and Farah. Arumi open anyone up to me and I'm half dead thinking about it? To the point that I forgot that there were two women who still needed my shoulders to lean on.

"Yes, whatever you buy I eat. You eat here me!"

"Good sir."

I put my head back on my big chair. My head feels shrill. What Firdaus said was true as well. I have to stay healthy so I can keep both of my women waiting at home.

For Firdaus's advice? I even did it without telling anyone. I've been praying for a third of the night since I learned that Arumi has a husband and children. I ask the Almighty to take back all the feelings I felt towards him.

Firdaus came back when I just closed my eyes. I opened my eyes again to eat. He brought me chicken soup. It is very fitting to eat during the hot day. A bowl of rice along with chicken soup with a lot of steaming sauce in front of me. With fried chicken side dishes and sambal apparently able to arouse my appetite.

"Lo's never had a broken heart?" I asked who could be stirring Firdaus. Because he choked on the food in his mouth after hearing my question.

"Master is heartbroken?" He asked me without answering my question.

"Yes, why does it feel like this sick? He and I knew him but he was like a stranger. Rarely speaking, though meeting each other every day, not knowing each other but names. It turns out this is what love feels like clapping one hand."

"Don't say his name is bagong. I'm hard-earned to forget you mentioned the brand."

"Not hearing his name does not mean directly the memory of the master. Does he refuse love, sir?"

"No rejection of words. I haven't said I love him either. Haven't told you yet, but the truth slaps me until I'm crushed to nothing."

I saw the expression of Firdaus who seemed to be holding back a laugh. It was visible from his mouth that was clenched. That's how he is, if I had confided in him he would have laughed. Just like Alex da Rizal. Is my life story funny or what? Is my sadness considered a joke, does my face look funny when I'm sad? I don't know, they or I have a problem I don't know and don't care.

"Indeed what reality can slap a Bari?"

How insolent is this subordinate of mine, where is there and in which office a secretary calls his superior only a name? If maybe this was copied by another secretary, they might go home with just a name.

"Arumi already has a husband and children" I replied limply.

"What's? Arumi's got a family? Did you see for yourself that Arumi has a marriage book? Or a photo of a marriage?"

I rolled up a tissue and threw it at him. How could it be a silly question once he asked. Why did Arumi show me the wedding book and wedding photos?

"What question do you ask me? Why did Arumi also love to see the same photo of the marriage book to me?" my know sewot.

"Keep knowing where?"

"Gue see my own eyes. Arumi street same goods son and husband. They look happy, laugh, joke. Even Arumi did not hesitate to touch the man. What else would her name be if not her husband?"

"What is mahram only husband and wife? Brother and sister is also mahram sir. Could it be her sister or her brother? You hear what Arumi's son called the man? Or maybe Arumi called him how? Sir hear?"

"Arumi calls mas, I horrified it myself. Usually, the husband and wife call it nyet. If his son doesn't hear me."

"It could be her brother. Did he call the husband and wife doang?"

"Why are you sure?"

"Not sure sir. But what we see does not mean the same as reality. Sometimes we misunderstand what we see. Looks friendly, romantic but not dating. Just like the master who kisses here and there but not at the pacarin. People will see you going out, but you're not. Is that really what I said?"

It doesn't matter if it's true or not, but how does he know that I kiss a lot here and there with a woman who's not even my girlfriend?

Seriate.