BLUE PLANET

JEALOUSY AND SECRETS

“You never told Vla about the park, did you?" ask Queen Ishtar

"No, Your Majesty," Venera replied, shaking her head.

"Why?" ask Queen Ishtar again. "Don't you say Vla is your best friend?"

"Ehmm. ka. because..," Venera stuttered, "w. at that time, I thought... perhaps it was an improper forbidden place for the venusians to enter. So. so I decided not to tell Vla. Because if later I will be punished for it, Vla will not be punished as well, Your Majesty," Venera replied.

"Is that really your reason?" ask Queen Ishtar while leaning towards Venera.

"Eeh. y. yes, Your Majesty," Venera replied with a slight fear at the queen's gaze as if reading the contents of her head.

"You're sure it's not because if Vla finds out, she'll ask you to ask her to come along?" ask Queen Ishtar full of emphasis.

"Eh. that..." Venera looked increasingly confused.

"Let's think about it and feel it again in Venera's heart" Queen Ishtar said, "is that really why you kept it a secret from Vla?"

“It.... I think.. ehmm.. somehow, I don't think I want Vla to know about the existence of the park, Your Honor," Venera finally replied.

Queen Ishtar smiled gently and shook her head.

“Not that park, Venera. But Marxists" said the queen. "Marxis is the one you hid from Vla. You don't want Vla to know about Marxists because you don't want to share his existence with Vla. You also hide the petals you get from Marxists, so that Vla does not wonder about it and consequently the existence of Marxists will be known to her."

"I. I think. ah. I am confused, Your Majesty," replied Venera. "I don't want to answer dishonestly. But I feel unsure..is it true that I have a feeling like His Majesty said that...?"

Queen Ishtar laughed. "Well, that's what I meant by jealousy, Venera.”

“Jealous..?” Venera looked at the queen in confusion.

“Yes, Venera." Queen Ishtar nodded. "When you find that garden, in your heart you actually think of Marxists as your right. Your own. Even to your own best friend you don't share.”

“But... doesn't that mean I've done a bad thing, Your Majesty? Being selfish by not sharing with other creatures?” venera asked worriedly, feeling guilty for having such thoughts.

Queen Ishtar laughed.

“Not so, Venera," he said, "you don't need to feel guilty for having such feelings. Because, specifically for the problem of love, we do not share it with other creatures. Love is reserved for two beings only. A couple. Therefore, it is only natural that you have the feeling of 'wanting to have for yourself' like you feel for Marxists. Jealousy sometimes just shows up for no reason. It is always in the heart of a loving being."

Venera was silent for a moment.  Again he mistook. It turned out that it was not the existence of the garden that he avoided Vla, but who was in it.

Queen Ishtar took a deep breath and looked down, like looking at the reflection of her own face on the glass table under her arms.

"Hm. This feeling of jealousy is actually unnecessary, especially here, and in the present moment, considering you are a core-cell mate" said the queen slowly, more to herself. "Hmm.. It may be the influence of the character... or the basic factor..."

Venera simply watched without asking anything.

For a moment they both drowned quietly in the room that felt increasingly cold for the Venera.

"Emm... I'm sorry, Your Majesty, may I ask you a question?" venera said carefully after a while.

"Oh." Queen Ishtar was slightly surprised to hear Venera's voice breaking the silence. "Please, my son," he replied gently.

“Begini, Your Majesty," said Venera, "I also felt a strange feeling while in the great hall. Like.. like being stared at."

"Watched? By who?" ask the queen.

"Ehm. initially, I thought it was being stared at by you, Your Majesty, from the throne on the podium, while having dinner together. But since it was me then, well, we were all not allowed to look at Her Majesty Queen Ishtar, so I cannot prove my feelings, whether true or not. But after that, suddenly the sense of it turned into more..." Venera stuttered a little.

"Surprisingly what do you mean, Venera?" ask Queen Ishtar again.

"I felt like all the Venusians were staring at me, Your Majesty. All, simultaneously. But after I turned my head and tried to look at the whole room, none of them were looking at me. I felt it, obviously. And something like this is only happening now, Your Honor," Venera said.

"Ooh..." Queen Ishtar nodded in understanding. "Not to worry, Venera. It was like that when we first felt love in our hearts. You just broke your love seal, Venera. You feel like there's a door that opens wide inside you, and out of it comes something completely new. But at the same time, you also do not want something new to be seen by other creatures. Then you try to cover it up. Like when you're covering up a secret."

"But, I had a secret with Vla several times, Your Majesty. And I've never felt anything like it" Venera said.

"You mean, a little secret like when you broke a glass ball in the classroom and then Vla helped you clean up the shards and you kept it a secret from the Skill Supervisory Board? Or when you smuggle the little food you like out of the kitchen of the Board of Health and Food Control and take it into the room and eat it with your best friend?" ask Queen Ishtar.

Venera's face was red.

"I.. that is. ah, forgive me, Your Majesty!" said Venera hurriedly while looking down deeply. Shame that the queen could know his bad deeds.

Queen Ishtar giggled amusedly. The sound of his laughter was similar to the little pixie babble that Venera often played along with in the meadow.

"It's okay, Venera, put your head up" said the queen, "it's not a big deal, it's just a small delinquency that's still in its fair stages."

Venera raised her face again.

"But that's very different from the big secret about love you're hiding, Venera. Because of the very magnitude of the secret, making you have to try extra hard to hide it, so that without realizing you also have an extra greater feeling of guilt in covering it. So the effect 'like being stared at' by many eyes arises. The Venusian whose seal of love has opened, will indeed become more sensitive in feeling things."

"Is so... Your Honor?" ask Venera slowly.

"Although I must admit, I was actually looking at you from my throne, Venera," the queen said with a small smile. "Because you're my main concern right now."