Bloody Weekend
Chapter 59
”Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan please..”.
Ryan finally moved. He groaned, opened
eyes slowly ground, and looked up, to Amy's face.
With a faint voice he said, ”Oven gas..,” then.
his eyes are looking for that oven.
”I know, dear, but... why?”
Now Ryan was shivering, his hands were cold and powerless.
”Amy?” said. His voice contained no taste
wonder, wonder, and delight.
”I heard you go through my room,” Amy said. ”I don't know, then I'm down.”
Ryan sighed, an******* long, as if from afar.
”The best exit path,” said. Then, somehow, Amy recalled the conversation with Julia on the night of the incident,
related to the news in The News.
”But, Ryan... why? Why?”
Ryan looked at him, his eyes tight,
the cold, dark made Amy cringe.
”Because I know that I'm a useless person. I always fail. It always doesn't work. Men like Hamilton are always successful. They succeeded, and women admired them. I'm nothing. I'm even like I'm not
hallup. I have inherited Logdewood, and I have enough possessions to live on. Otherwise, I would have been destitute. I had no ability to build a career, never had success as a writer. Graciela doesn't want me. Nobody wants me. That day—di Berkeley—kukira. You can't love me, either, Amy. Not even for Logdewood's sake do you want to be with me. So, I think I'd better just die.”
Word quickly slid from Amy's mouth.
”Sayang... Baby. You don't understand. It's all because of Graciela, because I think you still love Graciela so much.”
”Graciela?” Ryan muttered the name slowly, as if he was talking about someone immeasurable. ”Yes, I used to love him so much.”
And with a voice that seemed to come from
furthermore, Amy heard him muttering, "Cold.”.
”Ryan.. my dear.”.
Amy hugged him tightly. Ryan smiled at her, then muttered, ”You're so warm, Amy.., you're so warm.”
Yeah, Amy thought, that's kind of hopelessness. Seita
cold and cold and lonely. All this time he never understood that despair was something cold. He thought it was something hot, fiery, something violent, and overflowing with heat.
But his looks are not so. This was the true sense of despair, the immeasurably cold and lonely darkness.
And the sin of despair, as preached by the priests, is the cold sin, the sin of being separated from all warm and living human relations.
Ryan said again, ”You're so warm, Amy.”
And arriving, with a pride of confidence, Amy thought, ”Yes, that's what she wants and that's what I can give her!”
They were all cold, all the Cavendish family, even Graciela was cold and kept her distance like a fairy, as in the blood of the Cavendish family. Let Ryan love Graciela as an unreal and unattainable dream. What he really needs is warmth, certainty, and steadiness, namely the daily life, love, and laughter in Logdewood.
Ryan looked at her again. The look on Amy's face that looked down on her face, the color of Amy's skin
the fresh, benevolent mouth, steady eyes, and hair that is combed back and split open in the mouth, to form a pair of wings on the forehead.
He always saw Graciela as a picture of time
then. In the woman who is now an adult, he seeks and wants to find a seventeen-year-old girl who is love
firstly. But now, looking at Amy's face on it, he felt like he was seeing an Amy who kept coming from a schoolboy
with her hair doused in two became a woman with wavy black hair that surrounded her face.
It can be clearly imagined, how the hair that is the wings will turn gray, no longer black.
”Amy,” thought, ”is a real figure. The only real thing I've ever known.” He can feel the warmth and strength of Amy. Black-haired Amy, nice, and real! ”Amy is the rock where I can build my life,” he thought.
”Amy my lover,” said, ”I love you once. Don't leave me again, please.”
Amy leaned over to him, and Ryan
she felt the warmth of Amy's lips on her cold lips. She feels Amy's love enveloping her, protecting her.
And that happiness was found in the cold desert, where he lived so long as a man.
Suddenly Amy said with a trembling laugh, ”Look, Ryan, a black beetle has gone outside to see us. Good, yes, the black beetle. I never thought I'd be so fond of a black beetle!”
He said again, as if in a dream, ”Alangkah strangely alive. We sit on the floor, in a kitchen that still smells of gas, surrounded by black beetles. But we feel as if this is our paradise.”
As in a dream anyway Ryan murmured, ”I
want to stay here for long.”
”We'd better go to bed. It's three o'clock past a quarter. How should we explain about that broken window glass to Julia?”
Fortunately Julia was the one who was the most receptive to explanation, Amy thought.
Then Amy did something she'd
julia treated him on the first day of his stay. He entered Julia's room at six in the morning. He explained the true situation to her.
”Ryan went down, then put his head in the midnight gas oven,” he said. ”Thank you I
heard him, and I caught up with him. My kitchen window glass broke, because I couldn't open it fast.”
Amy had to admit that Julia's reaction was very good. He smiled so sweetly without showing any sign of astonishment on his face.
”Amy dearest,” said, ”you are too practical-minded. I'm sure you'll be a great pastime for Edward.”
After Amy left, Julia Cavendish just lay in her bed thinking. Then she woke up and went into her husband's room, which was unlocked this time.
”William.”
”Julia, Baby! Chicken not yet crowed.”
”Indeed not yet, but listen to me, William, this is very important. We have to install electricity for cooking, and we have to replace that gas oven with an electric oven.”
”Why? Is that good enough?”
”Oh, yes right. But that thing gives
thoughts are not good in people, and not everyone can act practically like Amy."
