Your hijab warms me

Chapter 10 Anxiety Haunts Me

But sometimes man does not escape the mistake of what else I am an ordinary man who has a lot of sins, sometimes it is difficult to control myself. What I do may not be in accordance with my common sense.

And I dreamt that the literary hero I often read in the Romantic novel was Ricardo

"Are you not having a family dinner or something for your sister?"

"That's tomorrow."

"Maybe next time, Raka. I need to study tonight. I have a test next weekend."

"Gisele, one day, you'll say yes" she smiled as I fled to the shop floor.

After returning from the store, I sent a message to Rahadian asking him to take part in Ricardo's photo shoot tomorrow.

"But I'm photographing places or sights, Gisele! not people," complained Rahadian . I was confused to ask who else for help, about her only Rahadian my friend who is a photographer .

"Brahadian, please..!?" Finally I begged her, clutching my phone, I paced in the living room of our apartment, staring out the window at the fading night light, because the light of his moon was covered by the black clouds that were blocking him.

"This is your phone...!" Rahma was furious to see me pacing back and forth, then she picked up my phone, waving her black hair like an ad of Sunsilk shampoo to her shoulder. He called Rahadian without my consent.

"Listen, Rahadian Situmorang, if you want our newspaper to cover the opening of your event, you will do this photo shoot for us tomorrow, got it....!?" Rahma can be very tough, she is more outspoken in everything and brave in making decisions.

"Alright, if so" Rahadian was consumed by Rahma's threat.

"good. Gisele will call back with the location and timing of the shoot. See you tomorrow." He turned off my phone.

"We set up a list for tomorrow, and all we need to do now is decide where and when we do the photo shoot. Call her.!"

He gave me my phone. My stomach was twisted because I was too nervous.

"Call Ricardo now!"

I pouted at him and reached into my back pocket to pick up his business card.

I took a deep breath, steadied my heart and mind, and with trembling fingers, I searched for his number and contacted him.

He answered on the second ring. His tone was cut off, but it sounded calm and cold.

"The blue-eyed one."

"Eh I mean Mr. Cafrio It's me Gisele" I don't recognize my own voice, I'm very nervous. There's a brief pause. Inside I was trembling.

"Hi Gisele, nice to hear your voice, by the way Don't call me Mr. Cafrio dong,! Just call me Ricardo...! "

Her voice sounded warmer on the phone, she was surprised, I thought, and a little seductive. My breath choked, and I blushed.

Suddenly I realized that Rahma was looking at me, her mouth open, and I darted into the kitchen to avoid her unwanted gaze.

"Emmmm we want to do a photo shoot for that article." Breathe Lah, Gisele, breathe Lah...!!

My lungs took a hasty breath.

I could almost hear her gulali-like, very sweet smile through my mobile phone.

"I live in Bandung for now, at Jl.Mawar. How about ninety-thirty tomorrow morning? And the details of where I'm SMS or WA you"

"Okay, I'll see you there."

I puffed it all out and gasped, like a child, not a grown woman who's been in love so much, because I've only felt this feeling my whole life.

"I'm looking forward to it, Gisele" I'm glad to hear his voice, the way he called my name... Gisele's.... Very soft and pierced my heart.The arrow of romance felt stuck right into my chest.

I hung up on him, we were just talking short and about business but it lasted so long that I couldn't stop remembering his voice. Rahma was in the kitchen, and she was looking at me with my sloppy expression.

"Hayo .... Gisele Anastasya You like it right! I've never seen or heard of you so, you're completely under her control, and before nothing could make you like this. You really blushed."

"Oh Rahma, you know I always blush. It's part of my job to help you... Don't be silly!" my snapping.

I lied to Rahma because I was too embarrassed. She blinked at me in surprise, I very rarely threw my toys out of the pram, and I relented for her for a while.

"I just think of it as controlling me that's all. And he said he lived on the Way of the Roses"

"Okay well, the way of the rose of that place." murmured Rahma.

"I'll call the manager and negotiate a place to shoot."

"I'll make dinner. Then I have to learn."

I couldn't hide my frustration with her when I opened one of the cupboards to make dinner.

The food just ran out, I was forced to make fried rice for a while. But we never fought for a long time.

I went back to my room to sleep after 2 hours had passed after eating. I was restless that night, and I went back and forth in my room. But I decided to take ablution water before going to bed after I finished taking the ablution water I laid my body on the bed by tilting my body to the right.

I read the do'a before going to bed as follows:

Allahumma gharatin nujum wa hadaatil 'uyun wa anta hayyun qoyyum ya hayyu ya qoyyum ahdi laili wa anim 'aini.

It means: “ O Allah, the stars have dimmed, the spies have been closed, You are the Most Alive and the Most Alone, the Most Alive, O Most Alive Dishat and O Supreme Self-Sustaining, calm my night and clear my eyes.”

After I read the prayer before going to bed I read surah al-ikhlas, An-Nas, Al-falaq and the verse of Kursi.

I closed my eyes and I finally fell asleep. That night I dreamt of smoky blue eyes, a canal suit, long legs, long fingers, and unexplored dark places.

I woke up twice at night, my heart was pounding. Oh, I'll look bad tomorrow if I'm sleep deprived, I scold myself.

I try to pray to Allah SWT. to be given peace of heart and kept away from anxiety.

Allahumma inni as-aluka nafsan bika muthma-innah, tu'minu biliqo-ika wa tardho bi qodho-ika wataqna'u bi 'atho-ika. It means: “Yes Allah, I ask You for a soul that is at ease with You, that is sure to meet You, that is pleased with Your Resolutions, and that feels sufficient with Your gifts.”