YOU ARE MY PRIEST

YOU ARE MY PRIEST 21

It has been a week, Mas Firman remains the same, indifferent to me as if I were not present in this family. Sick ? That's how I feel, I can't believe that if he's going to be this cruel, not cruel maybe he doesn't want my presence anymore. But, yes I have to defend this, even if not for the sake of my Husband at least for the sake of my Son.

Every morning I just prepare my son's food, I want to cry when I look at my Son, I'm afraid he'll be like me, living without a father. I don't want my son to feel it, let me feel it without my father's arms.

"Son, what are you thinking ?" Ask someone beside me.

"Ma, I miss you" I replied, my tears escaped.

"Why are you suddenly like this, son?" My mother's gaze began to weaken, she could not help but cry, "Your father misses you so much, son," my cry and my mother's cry became one.

"Had child, it is fortunate that you have the Word that loves you as much as your father does for you" he said in brick, crying, "You have felt pain, many trials with you. I hope it teaches you a lesson not to repeat."

"Ma, why did Dad leave us" why the question, spontaneously popped into my lips. He just smiled sweetly, kissing my forehead slowly.

"Maybe it's time you know everything, son" said my mother, sobbing, "Your father was a very happy family" she said, smiling, "Your father used to love Mama, always understood what Mama wanted, just Mama hesitated to talk."

His tears were dripping, he rubbed, "Your father is good, hardworking, your father always thinks about how happy Mama is," he explained, My mother took a deep breath, "We also marry young like you, "We also marry young like you, Your father married Mama when he was 21, and Mama was 19" he explained, every story looks ruined.

"Mama decided to go to college, at your grandmother's expense. Finally, your father was just looking for money to eat. Your father is great, he is tireless, always wants to make Mama happy," he explained, smiling gently, "However, your father is not ready to be Dad. And when Mama was pregnant with you, I was trying to figure out a way to support us. Until you are born in this world."

"Your father decided to leave because he couldn't make us happy. As for Mama, don't bother about all of this. Until, your father divorced my mother," he explained, her tears began to pour, "Mama used to not believe, so soon as the marriage Mama. Until finally, you Mama entrusted to your Grandma, until Mama really can make you happy. Until you're married, I'm actually worried about your young marriage, son, but God wants something else, God brings people closer who deserve you" she said, her mother stroking my hair, "Mama's message, Mama's message, as selfish as the Word and you, do not choose to separate. You have a family no longer monkey love, you have a child who must be happy and know what complete affection feels like."

My eyes glazed over, staring at my mother so strongly in the face of all the trials. He only thinks of his Son, rather than having to relate to others. I'm too weak, not as strong as my mother. But I have to be able to keep this all going even though it hurts so much.

*****

Since then, my stomach feels nauseous nausea, inexplicably arrived I feel no appetite, "Why?" Lirihku, sambari stroked my stomach.

I stared at the reflection of my shadow, looking as usual. However, my face is so pale. "What am I not ?" My hand grabbed the drawer near the glass in my room. "I'm lucky I have plenty of these suggestions" I whispered to myself. My feet stepped towards the bathroom, my heart trembled.

"I'm pregnant," I said in surprise, staring at the two lines in my testpack. Happiness is in my life, I thought maybe I'll tell this to Mas Firman, he'll come back to the way he was. My steps are happy, my eyes keep staring at the testpack I hold. I ran small looking for paper and pen, neat writing written on this paper, I tucked my tespack there. I brought the little paper where he put his briefcase, I hope it's a happy thing for him.

"Mas, want to eat ?" I said softly, he looked at me and then shook his head heavily. His hand grabbed the small paper on the table that he often put down his briefcase, his eyes round staring at the tespack glazed over it. Why is my heart afraid like this, my hands tremble, the cold heat envelops my body.

"Are you pregnant ?" He asked, I just smiled sweetly, saying, "Whose son ?" Ask a second time, it's really painful, I don't have sex with anyone. And, just as easily as he said that crazy question, "this is our son Mas," I replied with a faint smile, I really wish he would believe me. "I don't want to have a child who's mixed up with someone else" she walked away from us, dislike was on her face, I couldn't explain how else her break was, the pain of my feelings.

****

Ever since that incident, Firman has never slept with me. She slept in front of the tv, I looked at her sadly. How trustless he is over me, what do I have to do for him to trust me. My tears were flowing so hard, nobody knew anything about my pregnancy except Mas Firman and me. I stroke the baby in my stomach, I pray that Mas Firman will quickly realize and accept everything.

As usual, he's getting cold to me. He looked at me sharply, and looked at the child I was carrying with hate. "Really by Allah, I have no intercourse with anyone other than my husband" I cried out, unable to hold my cry. "Mas, can you take me to the midwife ?" My love, my eyes are looking at her softly, "Why me ?" His face was getting angry with me, I tried to be patient. "Yes, I'm going to the midwife myself."

I tidied up my clothes, ready to go to the midwife with the online taxi I ordered. I smiled as I stroked my stomach, I was so happy even though not completely. I entered the taxi, my eyes staring at my little belly, the arch of a smile always flashed across my face.

Be patient son, your father will accept you dear.My mind is full of fret, I can not be finished with the events of yesterday. "Sir, this has stopped, yes" I asked softly, without saying that he had agreed to my request earlier. My mother's midwife and home are a little far away, this time I'm not going to be with my husband. "It's up to ma'am" said the taxi driver, staring at the glass in the car, "Oh well sir, how much ?" I asked, then reached into my little bag. "12 Thousand, Ma'am" my hand immediately gave the fare, and immediately went down.

My body entered the clinic for pregnant women, my face was shining staring at my hollow tool. It's been a while, I haven't seen that thing. My body was lying on the bed that Mother Midwife had prepared, a sweet smile etched on my face. The midwife looked at me happily, "Alhamdulillah, your age is 5 days, let's sit there I'll give you a guidebook." I stood up and immediately turned to the chair provided, "Mom, how many times will I check my card ?" I asked, staring at the guidebook proffered to me, "1 month, ma'am, better when with his father. So, if there's anything his father can understand." He replied, My eyes were staring at the guidebook, this is my second pregnancy.

"For health, eat enough portions, there is a content check date yes ma'am. May it be healthy always his grandpa."

"Yes, thank you doc" said my last, I immediately left the clinic, then ordered a taxi to pick me up.

******

I've been home, Mas Firman has gone to work. Ryan played with his grandmother, the atmosphere became quiet. My wedding photo with Mas Firman was neatly mounted on the wall, so funny I fainted because she called me mother-in-law. My hands are looking for diary books that I always keep, this happiness I will convey with my diary.

The grace of God comes suddenly, giving new stories, new happiness, and new hope. I hope this Grace, brings you back to the way you used to be Mas :)

~Diary Siti Hanum Anggraini~