YOU ARE MY PRIEST

YOU ARE MY PRIEST 20

The light ransomed my bedroom window, my eyes were already open from earlier, staring at my son not yet awake either. I'm not with the Word, from yesterday he didn't come home. I don't know what he's thinking right now, he's too selfish to decide on a problem. My brain remembers one thing, if we chose each other's egos it would be like this.

"Mama stay first, son," I said, kissing my son's forehead.

My feet stepped forward towards the door, opened it and closed it back as before. A feeling of worry, already wrapped around my soul. My mind goes everywhere, the Word this early also never goes home. My eyes stared at the wall clock in the living room, the arrow sign indicating 8am. And this time, Word had finished the food I served, and set out to kiss Ryan and me. Now, delayed because of our selfishness, I don't think out.

"Eat this much, will I spend it ?" My eyes looked at every meal on the table. Three menus are in front of me, Mas Firman's favorite vegetable, rice setumpu, fried tofu and tempeh pieces, and a plate of Ryan's favorite fried noodles. My eyes daydreamed, and I shed tears again.

A pair of hands slapped both of my shoulders, "Son, where's the word ? He didn't come home ?" Mom's hoarse voice, made my daydream fade. "Mas is still working" I said, with a faint smile.

"Yes, I think you are the same Word quarrel" said my mother, I looked at him gently. My mother didn't believe me too much, but I trusted my mother so she wouldn't worry either.

*****

I stared at the wall clock, the time was near noon. But the sign he came home was not there. This worry has been my soul mate, always shrouding my sense of disfigurement. I tried to survive everything, I even forgave him.

Drett .. dratt..

My phone screen lit up, I rushed to pick it up and immediately picked up the phone in my phone.

"Assalamualaikum," my greeting from the phone, "who is this ? My ?"

There was no answer from the phone, an unknown number on my phone.

"Mas Firman," call me, the silence that I have. The trembling covered me, my lips stiff, unable to say another word.

"The Word is so lucky to be on your mind, I'm Bagas, you forgot ?" The answer is in the phone, now it feels different. Which was so tense, now it's normal that I feel.

I immediately switched positions, switched to sitting in front of the television, "Yes, what's wrong with this guy calling me."

"Obviously I miss you, is there free time ? I want us to go for a walk," he bargained, I'm just breathing heavily, "Or do you want me to bring you some food ?" Further.

"I was busy with my son, apologizing earlier. Don't call me anymore yeah, I want to enjoy it with my family," I explained, my eyes closed my breath heavy, "Wassalamu'alaikum" I closed, the phone I turned off unilaterally.

Not that I forgot Bagas, I did miss my little family atmosphere. Happy in every gap between fatigue, although now I have to accept a very heavy ordeal. My gaze was blank, looking at my phone wallpaper. The photo of the man I missed, the sweet smile I wanted to see.

When do I come home?- My inner self

****

"Mama" said the boy, my eyes slowly opening. Drowsiness gnawed at my body, "yes baby, you hungry son ?" I asked, he just smiled and nodded quickly, "Well, Mama make your lunch baby."

My only son was waiting for me in front of the television, I stared at the wall clock, the direction of the arrow that had moved. I sighed, not finding the figure I missed in this room. My hands mix spices to cook, my eyes return tears, this pain is again present, not I remember it. Imagine, I have prepared so much food, I also have to enjoy it alone.

"Son, eat first" I said, Ryan ran to me looking at me sweetly, "it's a shame you're calling your Papa yeah, let's go home fast" Ryan nodded, his hand immediately grabbed my phone and called his Papa.

"Yes Pa, ready hehehe" said Ryan, then closed the phone. Ryan opened his mouth, to give him a bite of food.

"What time do you come home ?" I asked, then gave a mouthful of food in his little mouth.

"Said Papa, go home now" Ryan's answer made me happy, I smiled sweetly and then fed Ryan some food.

"Assalamualaikum," a huge voice rang out at the entrance, Mas Firman looked at us with a smile, "Son Papa, this is for you dear."

Ryan was happy, the toy he had asked for had been bought. I smile happily, if Mas Firman has improved from yesterday.

"Mas ? I'm preparing food, right ?" I bidar, I slipped a sweet smile to my Husband.

"I've eaten outside" she replied coldly, smiling. My eyes were staring at the food-filled place this morning. He didn't look at me at all, what kind of ordeal was this.

Indeed I have to spend this by myself - my inner self, my tears dripping. I might wipe it quickly.

Firman played with Ryan, I ate some food earlier. Enjoying my own cooking, I should be able to spend it all. Instantly, my tears were dripping so hard, how many dishes I had eaten. Until, my stomach feels like nausea.

I stopped eating, I rushed into the room to make the activity until my stomach had improved.

"Excuse me," the voice from the front entrance, I immediately ran towards the entrance, "Order" my eyes stared in disbelief, I didn't order any food from online.

"Oh yes, thank you" replied a man who urged forward to take food, "yes sir" the preface and left.

"I cook your favorite, why order food ?" I asked, no answer I heard, he continued eating, "Mas, don't pretend to be deaf."

He stopped eating, his eyes looking at me sharply. The anger on his face, my eyes staring at him began to weaken. "Please go, my appetite is starting to disappear" he explained.

The tip of the spear had pierced me, my eyes could no longer look at him. My breath stopped, my body cold, my hands trembling. My eyes were already glazed over, I tried to smile once more for her, hoping that she would apologize to me.

"My office has breakfast, lunch at the office. So, you don't have to bother putting me in." I can't say anything but I want to get away from him, I can't stand the spear given. I'm not one of the strong people, but I try to be a strong person.

My feet stepped away from Mas Firman, tears flowing so hard. I threw away the leftovers, I have to be sincere. Getting married young wasn't as easy as they thought, I was patient with all this.

*****

My little book is neatly kept, where I talk about the heart. I know what else to do, everything goes according to God's will. I remember the book that my Junior High friend brought me, the story of a woman who was quite patient in maintaining relationships. The last part that made me cry, a year of walking without greetings, touching, smiling with her husband. I don't think, if my story would be the same.

God gives many trials, God is very great to turn the hearts of His people. Trials will be presented to lovers, trials of anything. Which shows him the bad good of the couple, if one leaves then he is the worst.

"In Your name, all Your trials, are good for Your wisdom. Sincere servant" lirihku.