YOU ARE MY PRIEST

YOU ARE MY PRIEST 19

I'm done bathing, my eyes see the word is looking at her hair. I just smiled thinly, combing my hair that I wanted to pigtail.

"We both went out ? Or with Ryan," I said as I tidied up the lipstick on my lips, "if I'm with Ryan I'm gonna wear pants."

"Just wear the red longdress I bought you, it must be beautiful to you." He said, tidying up his clothes.

"Which one ? I've never seen that color," my forehead scrunched up "my closet ain't no red ?"

He stepped towards our closet, his hands clutching the clothes inside, "well, this is what I mean."

My eyes widened, looking at the beautiful longdress in my husband's hands. The red color and black interspersed beside her, making the shirt look elegant.

"When ..." I smiled faintly, "i have such elegant clothes."

"Yesterday, I was a prank entering the clothes shop, your keys, yes, I bought them" she said sweetly, "you like this ?"

"Yes, I like it."

Beautiful clothes have been attached to my body, I can not lie anymore, my face is radiant - a series of happiness to see this dress. So beautiful, and so fitting for me.

"Finish your makeup, we'll be gone soon, baby." He said, then tucked a sweet smile for me.

...*****...

I'm ready now, these beautiful clothes, my make-up, and also the hijab that covers my hair.

A little smile, it will wipe away your wounds my inner self, encouraging myself.

Drett .. dratt..

My phone screen is on, Bagas' name is on it. I don't know for sure why he called me this early.

"Hallo," I said on the phone.

"Are you home ? I want to walk with you," he said, on the phone.

"Sorry Bagas, I won't be able to for today, I'm busying myself for my family, yes."

"He's been a stalker." My blasphemy with a soft look, yes how he has become a stalker, where I have for sure he exists.

My feet came down the stairs of my mother's house, my mother smiling sweetly saw me coming down the stairs. My husband also smiled so sweetly looking, not even my son he was with them. I don't know why they see me like that, I'm not that interesting, am I?

"You are so beautiful my son" said my mother who approached me at the bottom of the stairs, "how graceful, you son."

"What the hell is ma ? I used to wear this shirt, hehehe. This time I'm wearing this elegant shirt." My speech.

Word smiled again, his face was so beautiful. I just saw my husband this handsome, and I just saw my husband like he was 28 years old, when he was only 23 like me.

"We're out without Ryan, aren't we ?" He said with a smile.

"Why ?" My eyes glanced at my mother who was right in front of me.

"Here you go, son, Ryan was left alone. You're with the Word, you've been banging taun you haven't come out alone with the Word," my mother said, she held my hand, peeked at my left cheek, "she'll take care of you."

"Well Ma, I go out first, yes" I replied, then walked away, "Ryan don't be naughty, yes" I said, waving my hand.

"Yes Ma" said Ryan and replied to my longing.

...******...

My eyes looked at the weather that night, my lips smiling faintly. Smelling every smell of my husband's perfume spreading around in the car, I'm not sure yet, he's taking me where. But, surely this is not a simple thing, he likes his puzzles.

I better talk about this.- my inner self

"Mas, can I ask you a question ?" I asked slowly.

"Tell me what your question will be, I'll answer" he replied, glancing at me, "you'll trap me in your words and in your words."

"Hmm .." My lips opened for a few minutes, "really you let me have Bagas ?" I asked, my hands trembling, my gaze not as focused as before.

"Listen, I loved you once and even wanted to marry you, though I know, you would choose Bagas over me. I know about it, I just prepare the heart, if Bagas returns later, ask you to come back, maybe I'll give him up. Of course, it all depends on you, you want to live with anyone, it's your decision." I actually really wanted to cry hearing this unsatisfactory answer. But ? How else ? What all real stories say, no one is lying anymore. If I dodge then I have no reason, why he says it's all completely wrong.

"Why aren't you trying to get me ? Don't you want to lose me a second time." My light, he smiled. I haven't been able to pounce on his mind, it's hard to read the minds of people this casual. His lips were still silenced, not a word coming out of his lips. My forehead shriveled, she looked at me with a smile again.

"You really gave up the person who accompanied you for almost 4 years?," My question came back, he just shook his head slowly.

What does that mean ? He let go ? Is he taking care of me ? What does it mean ?.

"Can you explain ?" My love, look at him deeper

"Your question is too much to ask, dear, you know ? Sometimes beautiful flowers in the garden not necessarily we can pick them. There are flowers that have, yes gardeners in the garden. But does he keep an eye on the flower every day ? Not that, sweetheart. Well, it all depends on the flowers, if it does not want to be picked, in any quote he will be broken, if indeed he is fragile, not yet held he will already want to be picked. Have you ever picked flowers but it was hard ? That's what I'm fighting for." Obviously, at length. I can't say the word back, I keep repeating the word in my brain, he never talks like this. If he was angry he would say angry, without having to liken it along a width like this.

"It's over" he said, looking sweetly at me, "calm down, I won't let it go."

He got out of the car, my eyes staring at his body walking towards my door. "Please dear." The words were so sweet in my ears, I got out of the car, his hands were holding me tight. My eyes stared at the tall building in front of me, the words Hotel Spileave. I don't know, I don't know about this hotel, only this time he invited me here. His hand was still tightly grasping my hand, I smiled many times seeing the employees turn around smiling at me.

At the end of the waiting room, a man I knew was there. Together with their little family, I'm not worried about that.

"Yeah!!!"

My body turned, looked at a little child in pain, and was helped by his father. The little boy was crying so hard, while his father seemed unhappy with his son's behavior. I was just staring at Kasian, a father so looks not like his son. I looked back at the hotel repsionis, Firman smiled after getting the keys to his room. I smiled sweetly looking at my husband so happily, even though I didn't know what the reason was.

We both rode the left, the arrow showing up to the 7th floor, how far we booked the bed. My husband used to embrace me, and told me to come closer to me. The left door was open, I butu hurriedly ran away from the left looking at the room number we ordered.

"Close your eyes" he said, and his hand reached into the pocket of the blindfold, "there is supraise for you."

My eyes were covered with cloth, my hands were tightly grasped. I just kept quiet without twitching, suddenly he lifted my body into the room or whatever I couldn't see. The pounding of the feet sounded hard in my ears, Word often kissed my forehead, and said Be happy with me often heard softly in my ears.

Luxury room decorated with red, as if evocative my taste to enter the room. I'm not too sure for sure, if this room describes newlyweds. Roses were scattered in front of the entrance, the very indetic fragrance of the room made me want to smell her fragrance. My eyes surrounded every corner of the room, staring so beautifully that it was inlaid to such an extent. Beautiful bed, roses decorated under it. I smiled sweetly, staring at every decoration that was in front of me. The vase in this room is filled with roses. I told you, all decorated Red Color.

"Do you like it ?" Finally, his lips opened to stop this stupor of mine.

I glanced at him slowly, the happiness unbearable. It's obvious in my eyeballs, "I like it a lot."

"I hope your heart doesn't get hurt staring at this" she said sweetly, her eyes fixed on the wall-mounted photo, on the bed, "I know everything, I know everything, but I'm trying to make you remember."

My forehead shriveled, my smile tilted. As if he said it made me realize there is Bagas in my life, "Awhile, it can be explained," I pretended not to know, although I know, "Can you explain ?."

He smiled faintly, his eyes were looking at me gently, looking like he loved me so much from his eyeballs, "Listen, I only love one person. If there is someone with my loved ones, then I fail to make them happy" she said, smiling warmly, her hands holding me gently, "If she is unhappy, I will make her happy."

"If, the person you love, ever get hurt with your attitude ?" I asked with nervousness and fear, hoping for him to understand.

"Which do I do ? Don't married couples understand each other ?" He answered, I raised both eyebrows, my breath heavy to hear his reply.

"Why is your way of speaking different ? Do you have to pretend to fling me in front of others ?" My firmness, he's silencing. I don't know what he thought about what I said. Most importantly, I already felt pain after revealing this.

I took a step forward away from him, removing the grasp that was beginning to fade. My eyes held back tears, I didn't want her to escape my eyes. I fell silent at the end of the sofa, staring at the roses I liked. He's still at the door, he's not moving at all.

I sighed, my hands trembling. This pain slowly pierced my heart, throwing the word he said back into my brain. "Why is your speech so high as if you would be very afraid, and in the end in front of people you are so giving up without any fret," I said, he remained silent, "Promising is not as easy as doing, it is not as easy as doing, at least you're adjusting your speech and your attitude."

He walked up to me slowly, looking at him I was not reluctant anymore, this wound is tubed. "I'm just afraid of losing you, I just need time to be able to hurt you and be able to vote for me," now he raised his voice, I swallowed my saliva, I tried to smile, "If I'm not the one you chose, I'm gonna go." He raised his voice again.

The loud bang in my brain, the pain had not healed yet, but was given an even more painful back wound. I feel sorry, he who guided me how many years, suddenly changed with the figure of a man who was hopeless.

I hate it ! I really hate that word. I don't want to see people, I want to get too cornered. His words to leave, cornered me as if I would misplace him in this position.

"Look, I don't know what to talk about anymore. I'm too sick, I'm guilty of putting you in this position, which should lead to trying to make me happy. I'm disappointed, you said going to make me slump, if only I knew your spirit was out of balance with what it used to be, maybe, today I'm still alone. I didn't tell you to, to endure even to make me happy. I just need a person who can understand me, understand me, be patient with my attitude. Despite four years running, I've never seen you this desperate. I'm disappointed, seeing a man who makes me happy, having to endure the indecision in him." I said trembling, my lips stiff. I shed tears, feelings of hate, disappointment, pain, mixing into one.

I don't know what else to say, tears flooding my cheeks. He just lowered his head, he remained standing right in front of me, without a word he said. We were silent, I was going through this incident, why should there be such a great ordeal.

"I need some time, you need some time, too."

His body flipped, his steps left me. How else, he decided all these matters on his own.

*****

My eyes are still glassy, I don't know what he means why he should say sky-high, and in the end it should fall too. This room is already a witness, I am confused to have to talk about this. I'm too fragile, too sick, if I have to deal with choosing a heart.

"I'd better go home" I thought, my eyes staring at the wall clock that shows 9 p.m.

I can't call the Word when he decides to be alone. I think it's better I'll book a cab, I want a simpler place to blow things off.

I got out of the hotel, rushed to the taxi I ordered. My mind I just wanted to go home, meet my son, and I just wanted to stop feeling this pain.

The atmosphere tonight, makes me feel useless. Word chose not to meet me, I can't have to with this pain. I don't want to involve my son in this matter either, somehow, I should be able to hide this disappointment.

"Mbak, stop where ?" Ask the taxi driver, break my daydream.

"Here sir," I replied, giving him a piece of paper, "later the black fence stops, sir."

******

The taxi car right in front of my mother's house, I smiled sweetly. "How many sir?," I asked, while looking at the wallet in my bag. "22 thousand ma'am," he replied.

"This sir" my hand pushed forward, giving me a piece of money.

"Thank you mbak"

My feet came down from the taxi, my tears were rubbed repeatedly, since I wanted to cry, how not ? I can't forget this pain.

"Assalamualaikum" my greeting from outside the door, sambari knocked on the door.

"Waala'akumsalam," replied the middle-aged woman, her eyes drowning me in shock, clearly visible as she looked at me coming home alone not with my husband, "Where is the word ?"

I didn't answer a word, my body broke into the house. I was so fragile I couldn't say anything. My way to the room, I didn't see my son, he must have gone to sleep. My hand grabbed the doorknob of my room, my tears falling slowly. I went into the room, and now, I'm crying softly.

"I can't hold this alone, I have to try. Hanum's spirit." I'm excited, cheering my fragility on this. I was afraid, I could not imagine if my fate would be this complicated.

"I'm sincere O Allah" I said