The Struggle of a Husband
Hidayah
Flashback part 2
In the city of my own people without relatives, friends or friends that I can invite to discuss about Islam. I learned about Islam from the mosque studies in the village that were heard through loudspeakers or village and sub-district events that usually contained a center about the teachings of Islam. And of course not to be left behind, I learned from a very, very much discussion with Maulana.
And as this belief grew stronger, I felt the urgent need to do the activity of worshiping God.
It felt, my faith would be in vain and feel hollow. If there is no worship activity that I must do to worship God.
But I can't at all, I can't yet worship the way that Islam is. By looking at the way people pray on TV and paying attention to friends praying, I was finally able to imitate the prayer movement. Of course things were still messed up back then.
By only wearing pajamas to sleep without knowing there are rules that must cover the entire aurat during prayer. Hold the blanket as a prayer mat and stand not knowing where to face.
I pray only with three words that I know; Bismilbornrahmanirrohim, alhamdulillah, allahuakbar. With movement without knowing the sequence and rules, it feels a relief. For I can give up the desire to worship one god and this is all I have to worship.
I did this many times without anyone knowing. I still don't know about the five-time division of prayer. I was still alone at that time, became the head of the Puskesmas and I still kept my status secret from anyone. Including the staff in the office, even Maulana did not know if I prayed, because I was still embarrassed, afraid and still closed myself.
In the end, Maulana offered me to convert to Islam and I agreed. I am still talking, learning and thinking. So that I really feel confident and steady to embrace Islam.
Until the time.me and Maulana ventured, come to my parents. There Maulana expressed my desire to embrace Islam to my parents.
Can be imagined what happened, tremendous shock, anger, disbelief relieved out. My parents asked me to tell them myself, and I said the same thing, I Want to Convert to Islam.
They still didn't believe me and asked me to think about it. I went back to the place where I was assigned at that time, and Maulana returned to Jakarta where she worked.
Some time later, my Father, Mother, and Sister, met me where I was on duty at the time. Ask back the end of my final decision. At that time, I asked Maulana to accompany me. Because I was in a state of great fear and fear.
My answer remains the same, I Want to Convert to Islam. How angry my parents heard it, a rage I had never witnessed before. Mother also said;
"Are you willing to pay attention to Him!"
"How can you deny your faith!"
I also understand if it is like this, because all my family is non-Muslim. And all of them are activists in religion. There is no other religion. And .... I too, who would be expected to serve in truth my faith, turned out to be the first person to convert to Islam. Of course it's a very heavy thing. Especially for my parents, negative assumptions are good from other big families. Of course, there will come a lot of pressure on them.
" With my unchangeable decision, my relationship with my family has become somewhat strained. The tears have since flowed. I hesitated to remember what my mother said. My mind just keeps raging, is that true? do I really have to go back to him? is it true that if I embraced Islam, He would be angry?
I dwell on the confusion between my parents' words and what I have learned in Islam. At the height of my confusion, I dreamed..... I was about to go to bed. Suddenly there was a knock from the wooden window next to my bed.
I opened the window and I was shocked, because in front of me there was a figure of someone wearing a white robe with an indistinct face. And in that dream I understood that it was true. The figure did not speak anything but it looked like he was smiling not angry and was about to crucify me. After that figure passed, I also woke up in a state of confusion and fear.
"What does this mimipi mean? Thought. Is this a sign that my choice is right."
Time passed and I decided more and more firmly my decision, to embrace Islam. Maulana who was always present on my way to reach Hidayah Islam, finally proposed to me.
Thankfully, my parents finally allowed us to get married. Our relationship with our family has been good until now. We were married to the guardian of KUA, a sense of haru and pride enveloped at that time. After marriage, I asked to buy a face and asked to be taught prayer. And Maulana continued to accompany me and teach me to pray five times.
Until, I have been able to do my own prayers. Maulana can carry out his obligation to pray in the mosque.
My journey in understanding Islam certainly did not stop there. After five years since I entered the Islamic religion, I continued my S 2 studies at FK UGM. Major in Basic and Biomedical medicine (interest in Histology and Cell Biology) and I kind of flinched for the second time.
I just realized and understood how God manages all the systems in our bodies neatly, weeping, orderly and perfectly. Up to the molecular level, without us knowing. I was pensive when I realized that, but it also made me ask a lot of expert lecturers at that time.
"Subhanallah..... He is the creator, the arrangement, the custodian of such a complex. And it is impossible for all of that to operate, operate and mechanize on its own. "
From then on, I was encouraged to learn by reading and understanding the Quran. And that learning process goes on until now.
I have known that Allah is the One Who is worshipped in Islam. However, it took me many years to understand that only God has the right to be worshipped."
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Please excuse me if I have many wrong words, intentionally or accidentally. My novel only tells about my personal experience.
Open intends to insult or patronize you. Here are a few more words for the next chapter and thank you.
