THE MENTARY FOR THE ESTUARY
CHAPTER 21, PARANGTRITIS DADI WITNESS
- POV NICO
Jogjakarta, I came to catch up with him. Following this girl that I should have forgotten, but couldn't. I don't know why, I don't know what's wrong. This feeling remained deeply imprinted from the very beginning I saw it, and even today, after we have been separated and reunited in ways that were somehow, completely unexpected.
Yesterday, I met him at a coffee shop around Ambarukmo Plaza. Actually it was an accidental meeting, just because we were both in line at the cashier, both waiting for orders.
Yesterday, I talked honestly about everything, about my relationship with Carissa, and also about my feelings for her. Call me a coward, a loser, or whatever it is, it's up to you. I can lie to the universe, lie to people, but not to myself. Honestly, I still – love him so much to this day.
Jakarta, today. I walked gontai along the shore of Parangtritis beach. It's still morning, there are still not many tourists passing by. Most people go up andong while looking at the sunrise. But at this hour, the sunrise itself has not appeared yet. I glanced at the watch on my wrist. It's only six o'clock. Mumpung is still quiet, then ah.
***
The sun had emerged from the contest, shortly after I finished my cigarette, no matter how many sticks. I stood up, looking at the king with a determined look. Anyway, I have to do it, I have to. Oh yeah, for those of you who think I'm about to kill myself, you're wrong. I still have God, and I still have loved ones to be happy with.
I set my feet slowly, towards the direction the waves came from. My gaze was full of determination, towards the vast ocean in front of me. Then, I touched the pocket of the pants to the right, and took something out of it. A necklace with a heart pendant has been in the palm of my hand. Yes, this is the necklace I gave to Riana. I asked her to keep this necklace, just like when she was guarding my heart. And now, this necklace was returned to me, shortly after I asked my heart back; a heart that had been stolen for years by it. And now, that necklace is within my grasp, ready to accept its fate upon my decision.
I stepped closer and closer to the water, grasping the heart necklace tightly. Any minute... My whisper.
“It's hard to walk away
When you're still here
Failing me forgot
Each of you said hello
I still love you
I still love you
If we still meet
It is getting more difficult for this
Forgetting you
I deleted your picture
From the frame in my room
But there's still your face
Come hold of dreams
I still love you
And I still love you
If we still meet
It is getting more difficult for this
Tuk forgot you
You made me
Throwing with your words
The more I avoid
The more I want to meet
I still love you
And I still love you
If we still meet
It's getting harder to forget you
I still love you
And I still love you
If we still meet
It is getting more difficult for this
Forgetting you
Tuk forgot you”
Rossa's song titled “masih” was echoed from a distance, whether the speaker belongs to who has sounded early in the morning. It felt like I was in a drama, where I was the cast, Parangtritis beach the setting, and the complexity of my love story was the conflict. I got closer to the water, waiting for the biggest waves to come. And... That's her! I immediately took a swing; one... Two... And then, the necklace I threw all the way, and soon disappeared, dragged by the current of the waves that had just come. Then I turned around, left, without wanting to see again. I don't want to know where the necklace ends. Go, go find your real guard. And for you, the figure who once guarded the necklace. The same plea is also for you; go, at least from my memory and my heart.
Let Parangtritis beach be a witness; a witness of how hard I have tried to forget you. Hope this doesn't end in vain.
***
“I tipped him
Continue my struggle 'tuknya
Happy for her, you love her
Like I love her
'Kan kuikhlaskan him
I don't deserve to be with him
'I received it with a chest
I'm not her mate” the typical voice of the buskers accompanied the breakfast event that I did after the necklace disposal procession. I enjoyed the rice gudeg in a food stall around the beach, and smiled magically to hear the song of Tri Asylum which was performed so nicely by them. “And I received with a chest roomy, I am not his soul mate”. Obstetrically, is the only thing I can't (or at least, can't) do for now. To face reality, this is hard. But, the fact that “I'm Not Her Match” is real. Lord, strengthen me...
(BBC).
