The Journey of Dreamers

The Delayed Reward

"Dad." Running towards my dad who just came out of the classroom.

"Vi ?"

"How ? Did I make it ?"

Dad just smiled and handed me a report that read Results of Competence Achievement Report of SMP Z learners.

"My report?" I took the report.

"No, it's a neighbor's child report."

I turned my head to look at Dad.

" If not your report who else ? Where it might be possible to report a neighbor's child, our neighbor will not have children." Dad hit me on the head slowly.

"Hehe, yes, too." I scratched my head that wasn't itchy.

"Let's go home, you open your report at home." I walked towards the school gate.

"Dad wait !" I ran after dad.

...○•┈┈┈┈••❁🏡✨🏡❁••┈┈┈┈•○...

I went into my room, I put my body in my bed. Today feels so exhausting. I grabbed my bag.

"Bismillah." I opened my report. I open sheet by sheet, page by page.

My tears are dripping. Is this the result of my hard work for a year ?  Is this what I've been fighting for all this time ? To fill the white paper with high numbers. I'm chasing this number for a whole year. But why ?

Why is the result like this ?

I sobbed slowly staring at the rows of numbers in my report. I died for a year but the result was just like this. Fitting value pasan. It seems like I barely went to class if my grades were lowered just a little. My value is like being at the end of a ravine, which when slightly pushed back will fall into a deep abyss. Is this what I'm fighting for ?

My heart hurts. I've been fighting. Is this the result ? I've been optimistic, I've tried and trusted, but is this the result?

I no longer believe in the phrase "effort does not betray results." If the effort does not betray the results. Then what is this ?

Is my effort lacking. Have I not tried enough all this time ?

Why ?

Why, God, why is the result like this ?

Have you not heard my prayer all this time ?

Is my effort not enough that you cannot give me the reward ?

I threw my report. I cried bitterly. The number of values in my report keeps ringing in my head.

"Vi ?" I raised my head. Mom and Dad were at the door.

" I.mom." I cried in mom's arms.

"Why, what's up Vi ?"mom wiped my tears.

"Why ?"

"Why is my grade like that ?" I took a breath and began to regulate my cries while pointing at the report I had thrown earlier.

I took the report and read it.

"Look, my grade last semester was higher than this semester. What does mother mean ? My grades are down !" I compared the grades last semester and this semester.

" I was happy a few days ago, so far my scholarship will not be revoked because my test scores have never dropped. But now it's not because of the exam, but I'm worried that next semester my report score will be lower than this. I can no longer imagine how I should raise my grades in the next semester anymore." I'm down.

"Is this the result of my mother's efforts ?" I looked at my mother while pointing at my report.

"Is this what I'm fighting for ?"

"Is this the result of the three things I did ?" I looked at Dad while still pointing at my report.

"Is this the reward for my efforts ?" I can no longer hold back my tears.

"Vi ?" Dad called me soft.

"Dad said no, every effort must be rewarded."

"Then ? Why the reward for my efforts like this ?"

" Slow walking doesn't mean you won't get there."

" Maybe you haven't got all the rewards for your efforts, we can only try to get the results so that God will arrange."

"Why not dad ? Why should it be time to get a reward ?"

"This is just the beginning of Vi, your path is still long. Don't despair. What we think is good is not necessarily good for us. What we think is bad isn't necessarily bad for us."

"Dad, is my prayer not enough that God does not grant it ?" I'm lirih.

"God is all listening. He must have heard your prayers. Remember that God grants prayer in three ways."

"First he granted according to the prayer, secondly he replaced what we asked for with better. Third he replaced it in the afterlife."

"Vi, don't be so bad about God. Maybe he's prepared something better for you." Dad rubbed my head.

"At any rate, whatever the outcome if you try, you've made father and mother proud." Mom and dad smiled.

" Thank you, mom. I'll try my best in the future."