THE HEART IS BROKEN

HEART

Our relationship is no longer as warm as usual. Although his attitude is still as usual, I still cannot be ordinary to him. I just talk as necessary.

“Honey, when will you let me stay like this?” ask Rama.

“I'm not silent, I'm just trying to maintain an attitude, so you no longer suspect me”, I replied without looking at him.

“It's been three days like this, there are no pranks on your side, no jokes you used to throw at me” continued Rama.

“I don't think it needs to be like that anymore,” I replied indifferently.

Rama fell silent, he sat down beside me and let out a long sigh. He tried to persuade me, tickling my waist to provoke laughter or retribution from me. But his efforts were in vain. I didn't care at all about his jokes, I brushed every touch of his hand.

“Darling, you didn't go to college today? Let me take between”, asked Rama back.

I turned to him, “You think I can get out of the house with the wound you've made on my face?”

Rama looked at my face, there was still a bruise from the hard slap of his hand on my face, and a cut on the tip of my lip. My eyes still look puffy, because only today I stopped crying. Rama tried to touch my face. But I brushed it off.

“Come out Rama, leave me alone” my door.

Rama just took a deep breath, then exited the room. I don't know where he's going. I just heard her saying goodbye to her mother.

***

“Assalamualaikum” sounds someone calling from outside the house.

I refused to leave my room.

“Waalaikumsalam, uh Nak Airin, let's go in. Want to learn to cook again?” my in-laws said when they opened the door.

“Hahaha..gak Bu, first day off, want to see Arla, Arla there is Bu?” ask Airin.

“Oh is there, it's in his room.” Answer mother.

Airin came in and knocked on my door.

“Arlaaa.. You're still sleeping, aren't you? I entered ya” he shouted in front of the door.

I didn't answer. But the door to the room was open. Airin was shocked to see how I was. A bruised face with puffy eyes.

“La, are you okay?” ask carefully.

My tears broke as Airin sat beside me. I sobbed in his arms.

“I chose wrong rin, if I first follow the words of my parents, I follow your advice, all will not be so” said I interrupted my tears.

Airin was silent, caressed by me, left me to let go of the crying on his shoulder. A few minutes later, after my crying had subsided. I told you everything that happened to Airin.

I tried to prevent Airin, “Don't Rin, I don't want to if I have to, pity my in-laws later, if later he repeats again, then we report”.

Airin looked at me, then she hugged me tightly, “You're patient ya La,”

I smile.

Since then I always tell everything that happened to Airin, only Airin knows in detail how my real household is. I didn't dare to tell my parents anything, I'm afraid they're disappointed. I also felt I did not have the courage to complain, because in the past, I convinced myself that my choice was the best.

***

Nine months have passed, it is time we wait for the presence of the fruit of the wound treatment. A baby boy weighing 3.9 kg was born through the process of ceasar. My body was too weak after heavy bleeding, so I had to do a blood transfusion, fortunately Rama had the same blood type as me, so there was no need to find a donor.  Three hours after the operation, Rama came to me, I saw his face radiating from his eyes.

“Darling, we have become parents, thank you for giving me a healthy baby, thank you for being my companion all this time, I love you”, he said sitting next to my bed.

I didn't reply, I just smiled. Honestly, it's hard for me to say love to him. The incident when I was pregnant young still I can not erase.  Soon my parents and in-laws came to pick me up. The look of a very happy face on their faces welcomed the birth of their first grandchild. They took turns to hold my son. Rama sat beside me, not letting go of his hand. I know I can feel the great affection he is giving me, but I can no longer cultivate the love I have lost for him.

“Honey, who is roughly a suitable name for our hero?” askinya.

“As for you, I have not prepared a name for a boy, Ma” I replied.

“How about Fatta Putra Arma”, he continued

“That means?” my many.

 “fatta means conqueror, I want our child to be the conqueror of the universe, while Arma, combined your name and I”, explained Rama.

I just nod my head in agreement.

“Honey, I want to ask you something”, Rama's face is serious.

“Iya what?”

“Do you still love me?” tanyakanya.

I just kept quiet, because I didn't know if I still loved him or not.

“La, answer. Have you no more apologies for me, since the mistake I made at that time?” Rama.

“Udahlah Ma, do not need to be like a new ABG boy dating, already yes, I want to sleep” I replied while turning my face away from him.

He just exhaled, pulled a blanket and covered my body, then he went out of the room joined with my parents who were busy petting their grandchildren.

My heart rages, I want to ask for a divorce with her, but I have to think of many hearts that would be disappointed if the divorce happened. Especially now that I have a child. I had to stay put for my son, because he needed his father figure to grow up.