THAT TASTE EXISTS

EPISODE 54 CALMS DOWN

After last night, I left for the airport, flew to Bali. I bought tickets online. I missed work today. My plan is Sunday back.

No one knows about my departure, including Gio. I also deliberately went not to ask, because I really want to be alone again.

No chat and incoming calls from Gio but I did not respond, the chat also I did not read. At most want my existence, because I left without saying goodbye.

I now sit alone by the beach with a rented mat. Daydreaming and staring at the waves.....

Come to think of it.... Why is my life like this, huh?? Both my parents died together.., happy to have a lover and want to marry..... Hegh. Do I not deserve to be happy??

I recalled the explanation from Gio yesterday without feeling my eyes began to get wet. Yeah.. I'm really confused as to how.....

My God...my marriage is less than four months away, the preparation is ok 85 percent, now comes this matter.... What am I supposed to do? What should I tell papi mami???

Now I started to remember the oddities I experienced when Gio said he wanted a business trip. Yes, at that time there was something strange about my attitude, from sadness that appeared for no reason, tears that dripped without me knowing why, feelings that did not want Gio to leave, and feelings that did not want Gio to leave, my excessive manjaku attitude before Gio left... Yes, now that I just realized, it's all a sign!! the warning!! Only I was too stupid and insensitive to be able to anticipate.

Why at that time I did not prevent Gio from leaving, or coming with him, Gio also took me....

I really regret my stupidity, regret my insensitivity.... Then I thought if only I had come along, if only I had been sensitive, if I had dared to prevent Gio from leaving.... , if only.....

So many words supposing, which means there are also so many regrets. I really feel like a fool ....

It's my fault ! It's all my fault! I was too pity, too sure of Gio's great love for me like what Gita and Mama Gio said, but I forgot! Gio is not an angel ! He's an ordinary man who can be inattentive and wrong and seduced.

Gio used to say that he was afraid of me leaving him, but today, I feel that fear.

For 11 months I've been so comfortable with Gio.... Can I step by myself? Can I go through my days without Gio? Gio's been stuck in my life. Everything I do is always Gio's interference. Then now....???

What answer should I give Gio? Staying with Gio, can I make iklas accept the betrayal that Gio has done even if it was unintentionally? Do I have the heart to let a woman give birth and raise her child alone because the baby's father married me?

Maybe I can still be indifferent to the Princess as she is the main cause of this mess.but what about the baby she contains? The baby will be born without a father, it can also be an object bully and people by saying illegitimate children. Am I gonna get that loaf? I am this big, it is hard to accept when my parents are gone... What about the baby .....

Should I separate from Gio? It means that I have to forget our colorful togetherness and happiness during this year.

Lord, I am so weak now, let me lean on You. Lord... May I ask for this ordeal that I have received just skip? It's really hard for me, God

Dusk had gone by the night as I stepped back to the inn.

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