Stop by for a moment
My Wedding
It was morning, showing 09:00
*TOK TOK...
the sound of my door
"Dimas is coming" I said in my heart.
"let's go in here" said my mother as she opened the door.
My family and Dimas' family sat in the living room and talked about our wedding.
And meeting on December 17th, that's a short time. It is now December 4th. My family and my family agreed to marry me on December 17th.
"are you sure baby's gonna be this fast?" ask her.
"isn't it the faster the better, huh? You want to marry me quickly?" dimas replied, asking me back.
"not so, now it's the 4th and we're married the 17th, just 13 days we prepare everything"
"we live it all together" said Dimas so casually.
Since it was noon, my family and Dimas' family had lunch together. After that the Dimas family decided to go home.
"be a good wife later, obey the words of Dimas later if it has become husband and wife" said mamah to me.
*i nodded my head.
As the wedding day drew near, I was busy preparing everything. Choosing a wedding dress, making an invitation and spreading it, determine what foods will be there at our wedding.
It does not feel h-2 marriage is getting closer. The invitation was widespread. But strangely, Dimas was missing with no news, his number could not be reached, nor could his family be reached. I tried to find Dimas, I went to Dimas' house, but it was empty.
I kept thinking positively about Dimas. Maybe he has some business with his family.
Tomorrow is our wedding day. But Dimas still has no news, but I'm still preparing everything for tomorrow.
I cried myself to sleep.
Where's Dimas?
How's Dimas doing?
What's my fault with Dimas?
Why did he suddenly disappear?
Until finally my wedding day arrived. I woke up too early today, I prepared everything. I'm trying to call Dimas. But his number could not be reached, nor could his parents.
I'm getting ready because we're on call at 07:00 in the morning,
But until 07:30 Dimas and his family had not yet arrived at my house. I kept thinking positively about Dimas.
"Maybe he got stuck in the street" I said in my heart.
It was 09:00 already 2 hours from the real time, I cried because Dimas and his family never came. I tried to call Dimas but still the number could not be reached.
Both my parents were angry, even crying to see me. I don't know what else I'm feeling right now. By late afternoon Dimas had not arrived.
I can't regret it, I can't buy time. The man who promised to marry me suddenly disappeared without any news even for no reason. What's my fault Dimas? It's been 4 years since we established LDR, but when the day of happiness comes, you disappear.
I was crying so much. I hate. I feel that God is unfair. I feel the bitter life now. I who have tried to survive is now in vain. It's gone somewhere.
Don't you know what this hurt feels like?
Why are you? Why did you leave? Why did you disappear? Are you no longer in love with me?
All those questions I'd love to ask Dimas if he comes back. Her sweet promise has now become bitter, hollow, even making me unhappy.
"You left on the wedding day, lost without news, left for no reason. And leaving only wounds is not happiness"
I'm still confused, is this a dream? Is this a trick? But not as likely as he's been gone all this time.
I'm ashamed, my parents are ashamed. The only daughter failed to marry the man of her choice.
It's been 3 weeks Dimas still no news. I don't want to go out of the house. I want to be quiet and contemplate in the room.
"The man who made me fall in love with you now broke my heart"
I feel like I'm like a person who can never be happy since he left. I kept wondering, even I had time to blame god, I had time to assume that god was unfair to me. It's a destiny I don't want at all.
Strengthen my heart, god...
Refreshing my heart...
I lost my temper in my heart, I lost my smile, I forgot to even know how to reconstitute my heart that had been destroyed by it, like being stabbed by millions of knives.
Mama and Papah always strengthen me every second of walking.
"strong mama, strong mamah, strong mamah, beautiful mamah, and mamah have the right to be happy" said mamah who strengthened me.
"the storm of rain fell with the turunya my tears lamented sorrow"
I am strong, I am patient. This has all happened, I can only lament and cannot repeat.
A few days ago,
I'm joking around
they make laughter and jokes, though,
anytime and anywhere
But, uh,
Now it looks different
I shut up without talking
There's not a word
Especially the sound of laughter
Maybe I understand, though,
This is the destiny God gave us
The difference in mood,
Makes me feel lonely
Now,
I'm trying to find
Looking for my smile that you've lost since you left
Looking for my happiness alone,
Even looking for you who have been away for a long time
I should be happy. I should smile. Mamah and papah must be sad to see me constantly contemplating alone.
