Stay Alive - Jungkook's

Chapter 25's

"Because I'm a murderer, and have a mental breakdown!"

Silence began to envelop them instantly. Jungkook was surprised and astonished at the meaning of Hara's words just now. While Hara, she herself did not know why to say so. It seemed like his urgent frustration was like this. Many things that want to be revealed, but what is spoken is not as imagined.

"Hara, what are you saying?"

"You heard it clearly, didn't you?"

"Hara--"

"Stay away from me, Nam Jungkook." Hara turned her face away. "I ... do not deserve to be loved by anyone," he added softly.

The nightmare that Hara had last night, making her dark memory pieces, appeared slowly. He tried to forget for two years. It feels really torturing the mind and mind.

The nightmare, too, leads Hara to flashbacks about the beginning of a terrible tragedy in her home two years ago. One day earlier, Hara arrived home at nine p.m. Because his college activities make him require to go home longer than usual at five in the afternoon. As soon as he opened the door, he found his mother and father in the living room, watching television together.

"I'm home,"

His parents looked at him at the same time, but only glanced at him, then continued to watch - as the presence of his youngest child was not important. Whether they go home or not, they don't care.

Hara poked her own lips, trying to endure the agonizing turmoil in the heart. To be honest, he was used to getting such treatment from the time of Junior High to sitting in college. What he hoped for, would never happen. He was never considered to exist by his own family. Except when asked for something else. For example, at this time, her mother came over. Not to welcome Hara, but to tell her daughter to do something.

"Every long to go home. The dishwasher has piled up, tuh." said his mother, pointing to the kitchen-which is located on the right side of the entrance. "Wash it now, yeah."

As if there is no word later, the mother's word must be agreed at that time. Without giving Hara a chance at least to put her bag or eat first - because she is hungry now.

"But, Ma. I just got home--"

"Why did you just come home?" mama Hara turned to her husband. "Pa, look at this kid. He didn't want to be told to come home because he said." but Papa Hara did not respond. Not commenting or defending his daughter.

"What's up, Ma?" sahut Hoseok. He had just emerged from the stairs, after coming out of his room.

"It's your sister's unwilling to help Mama." her mother's words really contained a provocation, as if deliberately luring other family members to corner Hara.

"He's not my sister if you don't want to be told. Already financed college expensive, instead of knowing yourself a little."

It was like being stabbed through the heart. It was as if Hara's words just now were a grave sin worthy of accepting the maki curse. Hara was only able to keep her head still, while tightening her fingers.

Since childhood, he has been treated differently by his family. If you need something, Hara is the first person you look for. When things go wrong, Hara becomes the first target in the family. He was often used as a container for his parents to vent emotions. He knew the girl was being rumored for reasons he did not know.

Hara often thought that she was not the flesh and blood of the Shin family. He always guessed that maybe he was just a pickle boy found in the street to be a messenger. Because their parents seem to love Hoseok more. The eldest child-who was three years old with Hara was never asked to do homework or scolded if doing wrong-even though the mistake was fatal. Though there is nothing special that makes Hoseok treated as special. Hara and Hoseok were both born healthy, without any flaws.

Although daily necessities and schools were financed by both parents, it still does not compare with the mental illness he received to this day. Just because spending money on the princess does not mean Hara can be treated at will.

"I'll wash the dishes,"

Not knowing what to do, Hara also ventured past her mother figure while looking down, in order to lock herself in the room.

"Not knowing yourself. It always makes you angry." commented Hoseok, as soon as Hara stepped on the stairs.

Hara chose silence, then continued her steps towards the room. Not caring about the three figures downstairs who started to complain about Hara's attitude.

The girl exhaled the breath she had been holding heavily - after closing the door and locking it tightly. Then remove the backpack from his back, then switch on the mattress to lay down and curl up there.

While looking at the wall of the room with a blank look, slowly the two Hara neutrals began to glow. The piercing words he received, just felt now. It was so painful that I could no longer hold back. Somehow the shape of his heart now, it might have been crushed into irregular pieces. Because too much suffering is obtained, to make it destroyed from within.

There are times when Hara is driven by the desire to die. Wishing anyone knew with no self in the world, his family would regret losing their youngest child. Or at least, he no longer felt the pain that had weighed on him all this time. He often thought of suicide which would make him quickly meet the divine. Hara did not want to leave any trace of injury or that would result in lifelong disability if she failed to die.

For some reason, suddenly drowned in the sea as the answer. Instead of falling from a bridge or a tall building, or crashing into highways and trains, or extreme ways such as hanging and cutting veins. Hara does not want her death to steal the attention of others, let alone to trouble them.

According to him, by drowning he would disappear in the blink of an eye without anyone knowing his trace. The tragic possibility that will befall him later could end up in the stomach of a predatory animal or oscillating with the flow for a long time.

Hara increasingly bent her body, hugging the loneliness. He was accompanied by a cry in the middle of silence. Accompanied by a shadow in the dark, while waiting for midnight to come. After all, she is not a Cinderella character who will be approached by a kind fairy godmother, to provide help. Hara had to go through all this herself, then comfort herself by saying; at least, today is over.

...***...

The next day, Hara returned home from college at nine o'clock in the evening, because there was a group assignment that had to be done with friends. Just like the day before, there was no warm welcome once he entered the house.

"Any night again?" mama Hara.

"Yes, I have a class assignment with a classmate."

"Reason. Just tell me you want to avoid homework." her mother refused to believe.

"No, Ma. I have a lot of work this semester."

"Already, don't argue. Mom doesn't want to hear any reason. You've been schooled until you enter the university at a cost that is not cheap, at least show your gratitude. If you can't replace it with money, use your services here."

Hara hated it when her mother brought up something like this. He can no longer bear to hear the nonsense that continues to be delivered repeatedly. So, with the little courage that Hara had, she tried to fight back.

"I know! I never forgot that! Mama always said it many times, I always remember it!" Hara took a breath. "But why should I be one? While Kak Hoseok doesn't need to do that? It's not fair to me!"

"You and Hoseok are different!"

"Where's the difference?" hara's tears began to fade. But he doesn't want to cry now. "Mama shouldn't have given birth to me! Enough Kak Hoseok just Mama's son. I never asked to be born and live in this family!"

Hara's words immediately came to a halt, as her right cheek was rewarded with a loud slap from her papa - who had been in front of the television - knew to join them.

...To be continued.......