Silhouetted

7.0 A Monologue: Kingdom

My name is Raya and this time it's my turn to speak. Just two hours ago I gave my first appearance at the Makonai Ice Skating Arena. The first day as a concert master obviously made me nervous, but everything went well. Huh, Thanks God!If only you knew, there was a different feeling when the Four Seasons[1] flowed, flowed, filled the building. It was at first when playing the Winter part we were still nervous, but some friction after that was all fine. Presented with a Largo tempo, this part can suck you into the subconscious if you just follow it with feelings.

I'd rather play the Spring part. I don't know, it's like there's a carefree feeling playing those quick beats. Like someone asking our hearts to dance, stomp our feet and laugh happily.

Often when I play this part I think, is it possible that happiness is eternal?

And time passed. I'm in this hotel room now. Maruyama Hotel, fourth floor. Maybe I'm starting to like Japan, I like the food, I like the nimbleness of the people. All afternoon I walked along the sidewalk and there was nothing I saw except speed. Looks like the people here are chasing after the clock seconds.

Now it's back at night, I should have taken a break because tomorrow there's rehearsal, and we'll have another concert tonight. But I couldn't possibly rest because I liked the night, it felt like the night in the Japanese sky was no different from the night sky I used to go through. Maybe I feel like the sky here is a bit cleaner.

From the earphones I heard a piece of music from a cassette tape, maybe more like traditional Kabuki accompaniment music or whatever, like a combination of wind instruments in unison. It feels appropriate to be accompanied by a dance with one-on-one agile steps, bright clothes and eagle headdresses (Entah, suddenly I imagined like that. Sometimes the night makes anyone can daydream well.)

I bought the tapes at a subway station, in front of a busker who played the flute and next to him who played the saxophone. Five yen, and we're treated to a very fitting musical instrument wedding. And I think it's unique how many buskers don't ask for money but advocate buying their tapes (they write them on a board next to them, he said “With great respect if you want to donate do not give us money, please buy our cassette only, only five yen, and do not forget to smile at everyone today.”). A very sweet message, then that I was interested in taking the cassette, of course with a smile.

Below there is a garden that is an open cafe. Because the weather is sunny, the tables are not protected by anything, usually during the day there are umbrellas on each table. From the corner of this window I could see the bluish-green garden lights scattered the light throughout the cafe. While the waiter in a blue-blue uniform with a butterfly back and forth delivered the order. At first glance I remember a dim cafe in the middle of the city. A cafe that always serves music every night. There is an atmosphere of similarity, there is a similarity of motion. Was the cafe always like that?

No, at least maybe not, I've been to several cafes and sometimes found the dishwasher, crumbs of scattered food, as well as visitors with different faces.

When was the first cafe? The first time God created man, did He tell man to create cafe? It doesn't feel like it, but God bestows upon man the ability to create his own joy.

So can a man in a cafe be happy? Could be. Because cafes usually present what humans want. Snacks, hot drinks, cold drinks, waiters full of smiles. Everyone just choose by waving their hands. But I've seen couples fight in cafes, are they happy? I've also seen couples hinting at each other's love in a cafe, will they ever be immortal?

Nothing is eternal in this world. That's why I like to wonder when children's fairy tales say at the end of the story

Really it? Can no one be happy forever? Even if they both love each other.

Now I'm sitting in a faraway country, at least for the next three weeks I'm not going to see the city where my mom is. Also, yes. where Anjeli is. Why does his name have to appear?

Has he ever been in love? Anjeli…

I asked him that question but he didn't answer. I didn't mean anything, I just asked. If I had, it'd been three times. First to my Lord, second to my mother, third to my violin. Maybe I'm romantic, maybe I'm religious, but is that wrong? Everyone has love, everyone has love, everyone is always trying to love. The question is, someone failed, someone did not.

Then to Anjeli? Once again I have to discuss this myself, am I in love? I dare not say anything. But indeed his presence made my melody grow better than before, better than anything else. Some say love can be a good trigger for potential self, and I am not a professor of love, I only know if I fall in love then my lover will arrive.

Maybe I should ask him myself, because there is nothing clear when kept in meetings. Hopefully after I come back from this place I can meet him and ask about a love.

Hope so….

I closed the window and glanced at the clock. Half twelve nights. Maybe I should get some sleep. I turned off the room lights and lay down.

That moment I felt I was in love.

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[1] Four Seasons is a four-part masterpiece by Antonio Vivaldi: Winter, Summer, Fall, and Spring