Orange Grey Sky

Dreams vs Ideals

"What's your dream, Tam?"

Tama's eyes widened looking at the girl he loved so much with a big question mark. For a long time He no longer heard that word from Rani's mouth. But looking at the one being stared at just silently and staring at him with his shady eyes, Tama was sure there was nothing awkward about the question just now.

"Gathering a lot of money" he said without thinking.

Rani laughed stifled."Why be a soldier if you want to be rich?" said.

"Well, you know what my dream is."

"What?"

Instead of answering, Tama even challenged Rani's eyeballs. As a result Rani suddenly fidgeted erratically, because she could never bear with that gaze. A gaze full of sincerity and mystery of life, which always gives a surprise to him. Seeing that, Tama smiled widely while pulling the girl into his arms.

"My dream, to be a TNI Lieutenant General" he said firmly and confidently.

Rani's lips smiled, despite the wound in her heart that suddenly bled. Well, the little wound that had been accompanying her was quiet night. Tama's reply made her doubtful about the thing she had been convinced of all along. It took a long time to realize the dream, and of course it will be more difficult for Rani. He turned his face away, preventing his tears from falling. He will not, however, limit Tama, let alone his dreams.

"What are your dreams?" said again.

For a moment I looked to think."Equally, I'll fulfill the country's call duty no matter what_"

Rani suddenly got up."We break it well. I need time to think at least until my sanity returns" he said.

He could not stand it anymore, because his eyes had been soaked by tears. Before this he was very sure his family was wrong to say there was no future for him and Tama. But now he knows that there is no self in Tama's dreams and future. It is all about the duties and responsibilities of the State.

Before he actually left, his hands held Tama. The young captain of the Peace troop looked at his lover with a frown on his forehead. He did not understand why Rani was like this. Previously everything was fine even though 18 months he went to run errands.

"Why not break up? why break?" His hand forced Rani to turn.

"Well, you know what I mean."Rani avoids Tama's eyes, and chooses to look down at the grass.

"Look at me, Ran! You want me to break up?"

Rani sighed, then nodded a few times."I'm demanding too much of your time, Tam. I_"

Tama pulls the girl into her arms again, though Rani refuses and pushes her away. He kept tightening his arms until Rani ran out of energy and cried as she pleased. His heart was so sick, though He knew He shouldn't have behaved like this.

"Don't confuse me, Tama. I_"

Tama gently stroked the girl's head."I know how you feel, honey. I don't care if you don't love me anymore. I_"

"You never know what it's like to wait for someone who obviously never gives hope. You_"

Rani could not finish her words anymore. He chose to cry and beat Tama's chest as an expression of her heartache. Their meeting should have been after a long distance apart was not like this. But because this has been planned Rani for a long time, he is not so disappointed at this time.

"Next one, Rani. Only you are, and forever will be you." said Tama reassuringly.

"Maybe I wouldn't be this sick if he was a human like me. But... Do you know how jealous it is of your own country? You know I really wanted to kill him even if I didn't... Akh, I'm going crazy thinking about it."

Instead of being sad to hear the words of her lover, Tama even smiled and tightened her embrace again. He was so happy to hear it, and always wanted to be like that. Well, He now understands why Rani's attitude has changed lately.

"You want to know my real dream?"whispered.

"Take me off, Tama."The girl continued to rage.

"On top of my dreams and ideals is only about you, Rani. I want to spend my old days with you. "

"Emang."

"Don't confuse me."

Tama took off her embrace and held onto the girl's shoulder and forced their eyes to stare at each other. "Patience in a moment, my dear. You are the main reason I keep fighting" he said, reassuring Rani.

"You're bad, Tama."

Instead of apologizing, Tama pinched Rani's cheek quite hard. The girl screamed loudly, and hit Tama immediately. It's always been like this, for years. There was never a word 'Sorry' that came out of Tama's mouth, but he always had his own way of making their relationship last this long.

"When are you going again?" Rani leaned her head on Tama's shoulder.

"You're bothered by my presence?"

"Rubber."

Tama smiled and tidied the children's hair Rani. "I won't be going again, until 6 months" he said.

Rani straightened her seat and stared at Tama's face inside."Promise?"he said he was looking for something in Tama's eyes.

The man nodded. "For your sake, I'm willing to be expelled" he said.

Rani hits Tama's shoulder hard."Crazy fuck," he means.

The two laughed together enjoying the twilight that slowly disappeared. Enjoy the moment that has been awaited by the two young couples who are struggling with the rigors of LDR. Well, Rani who is just an ordinary girl without a title, wants to be with a Special Forces Captain. Is that possible?

***

"Sort number 567, Athanasius Sint Fatwa with academy number 2189_"

Right at the mention of the name, everyone was already cheering welcoming Tama's graduation even though it was only through live broadcast. Sweat that paid off already, though not so according to plan. Tama who really wanted the AL TNI now ended up in the TNI AD

Now Rani is stunned alone to think about many things. He chose to leave the house and let his family talk about Tama whom he had introduced as a lover. He could not make sure he was happy or sad. Well, all this time he's been Tama's main force up to this point. But the more he came, there was a bit of anxiety in his heart even though He also did not know what made him anxious.

Without realizing it, his mother noticed the grim look on his face. The forty-year-old woman approached him and patted him hard on the shoulder. He seems to know what Rani has in mind, even though He has promised not to interfere in their affairs even if it is small or heavy.

"Mama,"

The woman sat next to him."If you can't do it, tell Mama aja well" he said.

Rani leaned her head on her Mom's shoulder and hugged her tightly. It felt so comfortable even though she knew she was not the one who gave birth to him. But all this time, it felt like there was no difference between her, Laudy and Alaska's half-sister. That is what makes Rani unable to leave this house, because she still desperately needs the love of a Mother.

"Because of Tama?"

Rani nodded."Why is Rani sad? Though it was also Rani's dream" he said slowly.

Well, since Junior High, she always aspired to be the wife of a country man. It doesn't matter if it's AU, AL or AD. No matter what he thinks of their companion, he's always obsessed about it. But now, he was so sad and afraid that it would come true.

Mira rubbed her Princess head gently, and gave the comfort that Rani had been looking for. "Tama's success, most of your fortitude "whispers.

Days change, still no word from a Tama. Well, it's like he just lost to the earth. Not only once twice Rani reopened their chat history, and everything was still the same as when Tama said goodbye first.

"Am I banished now?"

*