Nariswari - Toll Road to Love

Voodoo Doll For Natan

"Slv!"

I pointed the keychain at Nathan. "This is my own time in Jogja."

"This, the shape?"

"Voodoo doll!" my yelling.

"Well?!"

"Just kidding. I put this in your bike key, huh? Where's your bike key?"

"On the motor," said Natan who collapsed on the springbed.

"Huh?! Seriously?"

Nathan nodded.

"Stupid! How will it disappear?"

"It's okay, the important thing is I didn't lose you. Even my entire assets are fine lost, as long as I have you." Natan.

"Huh, start again, huh. Beaah!" Though yesterday she was so shocked when she cheated her colleagues, I laughed.

"Don't be long, yeah!"

"Why?" my many.

"I miss you" whispered Nathan.

"Alays! I've only been gone for 24 hours, you know."

I smiled, then stopped. To this day she made me empress and said this is it, but if June's speculation is true, Mimi is back. What would Nathan do? I knew Nathan so well that his life was Mimi. Me and Mimi, not patient women who can be divided equally.

I don't know. Let time reveal episodes like the fiction I'm running.

I took Natan's motor key. Then put on a keychain that should look like a baby cat, but more like a voodoo doll. I smile. Can bully it's delicious.

I still glanced at this red ninja body. At first Natan could not even go up

bike, now he can carry ninjas and gold cars parked on the side of the bike. In 2014, Air Asia Indonesia Flight 8501 disappeared from radar while flying to Singapore Changi International Airport, with 155 passengers and 7 crew known to have crashed in the karimata strait near the Java Sea, the entire crew and passengers were killed including Mama Natan and Jun's parents. Too bad. Maybe this is the cause

the fragility of their relationship. When in fact since Junior High, Natan has been able to bring a car. That incident traumatized him.

I stroked his body. And my hand stopped over the trunk. I'm curious. About what Natan always carries. Then I opened it. Yes, as usual the contents, raincoat, slayer, gloves, flashlight, kanebo wipe and under it machine tools such as screwdrivers, clamp pliers and wrenches. I know those tools from Aziz who often fix his duck bike that bangkotan.

The shape of these tools is unique. I also took the stainless steel. I am observing. Wrinkled eyebrows. Then focus on him. This screwdriver and wrench I'm now holding is weird. This iron handle was clean but around his head there was a stain. I also scrape it. Is correct. It stains. These stains are like blood spots.

"Narrivary?"

"Yes?" I'm shocked.

"What's wrong? How long?"

I'm setting my breath. Shake, "I've put it up." I lifted Natan's motor key, clumsy to show it.

"You're pale. You sick?" Nathan held my forehead. "You're cold sweat."

"I want to rest."

Be honest. I was very curious. What's that stain? Is it true blood? The word June, any tool can be used to hurt people, as long as there is a strong desire. And stainless steel is very suitable.

"What's wrong? Ever since last night you looked nervous?" Natan caressed my hair. I pulled the blanket. Then shake. And remember yesterday's moment in Paris. About Mimi.

"Nathan? I can't do anything about—"

"Whatever too. No problem."

I was silent too. Asking about blood spots or about Mimi? The blood is mysterious. Mimi is important too. Since the first time she married, she never mentioned her name, I didn't even find any traces of Mimi, album photos, Mimi's clothes, jewelry, everything. Is there where? Buried up? It burnt? As for the stain, I'll investigate it secretly.

"The former is heavy, Ri. You never say his name, he'll remember it if you do." Lila commented one afternoon at the office, when everyone had gone home.

"But, I was curious, Mba, wondering how deep Natan felt."

"That's just the past, Ri. All you need to feel is the present."

"It will relate to the future. Shouldn't we learn from the past?" my bell.

And I decided to ask about Mimi, for those steels, I'll investigate her secretly. Or I'll take it to Aziz and Mas Adi.

"Mimi's." I whispered looking at him inside. I saw a drastic change in his eye light. He stopped looking at me. He's getting clumsy. And that explains everything.

"Why?" After a long time, Natan was already able to master himself. I honestly don't want to talk about it. But, I was curious.

"You still like it?"

He immediately coughed. Then take the water. It seems he deliberately ran away to control himself.

And yes, I cannot replace him. Mimi's. Until anytime.

"Why are you like that?" nathan's eyes narrowed.

"Natan, am I your only escape?"

"What are you talking about?" Nathan held my arm tight. Staring softly at me.

I'm shaking. Carry atmosphere. Forgetit! I went to sleep. Forced oneself. Letting Nathan be confused.

***

The second plan, after Natan went to work riding his gold car. I secretly went to my old office, met Mas Adi and Aziz.

"Is this a blood patch?" manya curious.

"Where did you get this?"

"You don't need to know, huh. Is this really a blood patch?!"

"Yes dodol" said Aziz.

"Whose hand?" Ask Adi. He's still staring at that thing.

"Have your Mbah!" exclamation Aziz.

"Aziz you want me to kick it!" I put a wrench to his head, he ran away.

Adi stopped, "Try to repeat once again."

"What?" I look irritated.

"Your scene earlier. Like trying to kill Aziz."

"Is that how it works?" Aziz rubbed his lips.

I'm speechless. Glazed. What did Nathan do? Nah! I have to trust him, even if he's a liar.

"Who's blood is this?" Aziz looked suspicious.

"Take it to the lab or labfor, ask for a check." Adi gave advice.

"Yes, you, right, are now a barking child, able to get in and out of the lab as good as the bag. So remember first," the young man stroked his mustache, "the other on the delivery, you ate the leftovers yesterday, it was still wrapped for dinner. Now you're having fun after the trouble."

I laughed to pull out Aziz's teeth. Then pamit after buying them snacks.

I came home soon after from the lab. The results are still about a week away. And I have to be patient waiting for him. I don't know what Nathan did. I was indeed not worried about meeting Aziz and Mas Adi to ask this. They can be trusted. And they don't ask weird. Or about Natan, though they may be curious, and guessing.

I glanced at the watch. Then open the door. Still daylight. Why is the room so dark? Where are Mr Surip and Bu Lastri? No broken items in the living room. I also went into the family room. Then faintly smelled the scent of fruity.

I found a figure pecking on the sofa, in front of him stood a bottle of wine. The drink in front of me. What the-

My eyes are rounded. My lips vibrate. My chest hurts. What did Nathan do? What demon possessed this promised man?

Nathan laughed at me. Then suddenly he sniffled. Then silence. I was silent, standing in front of him. Looks like Natan wants to say something.

"Dating June again?" tanyanya sharp. Eyes cold. Gone was the tenderness and warmth of his attitude all along.

"What do you mean?"

He laughed cynically. This is the first time I've seen Nathan drunk. He's different! He's not the Natan I've known all along!

"I've forgiven you a few times." Nathan cried. Holding half of his face. "Even before you apologize. Nah! You never apologize!" He yelled.

What's he talking about? Are drunk people always like this? It's hideous! His face was red, his face was a little wet, his eyes were watery red and squinting, his behavior was also not rusty.

I want to get angry. Very angry, I want to flick his ears. Pull ears! Just wait if you realize!

"Why silence? Sit down here! Let's talk, wifeuu...."

"D-please!" I commented short. Then shut your mouth. Realised. Why am I still saying rude? Will I not be a mother later? If I have a child, I want him to be good.

"Quick! In here!" natan Bentak. He hit the table. I'm shocked. What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to deal with drunk people. Nathan growled. It was a shock that I obeyed him. Sitting in front of him. Quickly rotate the brain. I have no experience with this. All I know is that he can only be spoken to if the effects of alcohol are gone. He is not Nathan now. But demons! The alcohol was shrouding his sanity!

I also quietly remember the movie adegen that friends watched on campus if I found the footage drunk. And I forgot.

Nathan laughed to himself. Gave me a glass and then he poured wine until it spilled. It smells so sweet as fruit. From the smell, this might be an expensive wine.

"Drink, my dear," she asked, laughing like a madman. He staggered. Eyes rolled. I don't know how many he's gulped. But, I ignored it. "Mi-num!"

"I've been bloated." I answered as if.

"Oh, you've been drinking the same June?"

Whahuh? Again he said something strange? "What's wrong with you, Nat?" manya curious. "You said you weren't going to drink anymore!"

"Lots of bacots!"

I'm shocked. He advanced, quickly gulping the bottle of wine into my mouth, just as I used to drink it kerosene. I squawked to take it off. The grip was strong, I beat up Nathan. Then the bottle fell and broke. I coughed trying to spit out the alcohol that managed to skate down my throat.

Nathan is still grimacing. I glanced at Natan with anger. I went into the room. Locking it. Immediately I washed my mouth with water in the sink. And I cried.

There's no way I'm like this if I don't make a mistake, is it because I still like June, the problem?

Drastic changes in Nathan? I remember the last time before he went to the office, he was still the same as he used to be. Just fine! I was wrong, God! I shouldn't have played around. Playing with other men.

I woke up from my daydream. Natan banged on the room. Shouting doom. And this is the new history of my life. Natan was angry. And cursing. All the dirty words and beasts he managed to spit out. And it hurts.

The next morning, I found a sofa splattered with vomit and saliva, after I cleaned Natan by force, I asked Mr. Surip to hold Natan up on the springbed in the room. I was shocked, at his feet stuck in a broken bottle. I immediately called the doctor, giving first aid. He is still under the influence of alcohol. Unconscious.

His feet were bandaged. His face that had my fist was also given red medicine. The doctor was surprised to find a bruise on the face of his patient, asked where this wound came from, he looked strange when honestly I was the culprit. Doctors also give tips on how to deal with drunk people. And, limiting alcohol consumption to Natan.

Because he has a history of addiction.

"Don't let him drink again, try to divert his attention from alcohol, take to the yard, breathe fresh air, if you want to drink, give water, talk or watch TV, keep away from dangerous objects, like that shard. Don't say anything that provokes his emotions, stay calm. If he wants to go to the bathroom, accompany him and wait, because he can lose his balance, can slip or bump."

I still look at Nathan. He's like a kid. Either now I have to be angry, pity, or worry. After he wakes up can I ask him directly? Ah, it doesn't feel very good. Just delay it until she's normal.

"A-i-r...."

I'm sober. He's up. I also took it water. Then close it to his mouth. I smiled, this scene, as it used to be, after drinking kerosene. But, something's weird. This time, he didn't

smile, usually if he indulges him he will always be bright blushing. What the hell have I done?

"You hungry?" manya smile.

Natan shakes. Holding his head, it seemed like he was dizzy. He still won't look at me. He pulled the blanket, "I'm tired" he whispered.

"okay." I'm leaving too. Prepare soup, porridge, and warm tea.

After more than half an hour of cooking, Bu Lastri assisted. I put Natan's breakfast on the side table of the springbed room.

I whispered, "Breakfast first, yuk!"

Natan shakes. He still covered his ugly face with a blanket. What's wrong with her? I'm leaving too. I heard he went to the bathroom and pulled out his stomach.

I sit on the terrace. Recalling mistakes. It hurts. Ignored. It's first. I want to cry. I try to think stupid and funny things to hold back my tears. Shouldn't women be strong? Until I know, what is wrong, I must endure, not crybaby, is not the household strange?

"Pump! Narisswari! Remember the funny thing. Come on!" I laughed bitterly.

I also decided to go back. Nathan hasn't touched his food yet. I woke him up, "Let me take a bribe."

This is the first time I've done this. He just complies. His gaze was pointing towards another corner other than my face. When finalized. He still did not get out of bed, I sat next to him. Waiting for what he will say.

He took his phone, then played a game.

"Nathan? Nathan Brian?"

His eyes moved as I called out to him. He just mumbled. I took the hp. Then he looked at me, "You tired of seeing me?"

He just kept quiet. Then taking his phone, I looked at him, "Your feet hurt. You don't go first, if you need anything."  I took a breath. "you can use my feet to step. "I tried to romanticize poetry like she does every day, and then ruffled her hair. And the atmosphere is still quiet.

What the hell is it? Why silent? I've been trying. Now I can't take it anymore! I surrender! Please don't ignore me!

I also turned around. His back. My body shook, I tried, trying not to seem to cry. But, I failed.

And he just shut up. Usually he would hug, and comfort me. Why are you Nathan?

He put a tissue in front of me. I wanted to throw the tissue in his face, but I held it. I also wipe away the tears that fell soaking the bed linen .

"Is there something you want to say?"

"I.. I. don't want to see you first..," said Natan bitterly.

I sobbed. I'm shocked. Then take a breath, "Until when?"

"I don't know." We were long silent. "Don't you want to go first? Now nothing will hold you back" Natan continued.

I'm nodding. I wiped my tears with a tissue. I'm leaving too.