My soul mate, my Papa Assistant

Disdain

''why here?!'' sari asked ketus, while shaking her waist. When I was just a step away from entering his magnificent home.

The deg!

Instantly my heart was hammering, I lowered my head in embarrassment as I twisted the edge of my seedy robe upon encountering a painful question from my sister-in-law.

''sari, m-bak ..'' said stammered and disconnected.

While my husband was just silently watching, without defending me, our only four-year-old seven-month-old son hugged my feet tightly, she said, his cheerful demeanor instantly vanished as the snapping sounds of the Aunt filled the room.

''what's mbak? We never invited mbak to come here huh. We only invited Ibnu. That ma'am was just shy. Look at the appearance of mbak, from top to bottom, very tacky, once village, embarrassing!'' his scorn.

The words of my sister-in-law, Sari, hurt my heart so much. My body trembled to get blatant humiliation from her in front of her extended family as well as my husband's family. There's my mother-in-law, brother-in-law and another brother. Including from the husband Sari's family. No one intends to defend me, sweet-nosed against me. They just make me a spectacle.

I carried my son quickly, after which I ran towards the door. I left the mansion with tears in my eyes. My husband just stayed in place, he didn't do anything to defend his ugly wife anymore.

Tonight is the event of Sari's son, who is only about three weeks old.

Actually, I was very lazy to come, but, because Ibnu a little pushy, he said I can help at Sari's house, clean dirty dishes or sweep.

''come on Fitri, you go to Sari's house. Are you not ashamed? You are my daughter-in-law. Where we only contribute a little, and this is you also do not want to help there'' ketus Suami. Talking is not far from me.

''but, mas? they don't have any pleasantries with me at all, ma'am. Later I make another mistake there'''my answer again ironing Ibnu's clothes.

''ahh, they were deliberately acting like that. They want to see your consciousness as Fitri's daughter-in-law.

''gold has a point as well. Yes, then wait for me. I want to get ready for a while, as well as I want to change clothes, Raihan'' I said, then I passed to my boy who was playing cars that only stayed body. I asked her to change into the same outfit that was more decent. My son was so happy when I said I was going to go to his magnificent aunt's house.

But, what do I get now? I'm so sorry that I'm willing to step my foot into Sari's house. It turns out they're all still the same, they're still being indifferent to me and my son. They never thought I existed.

Mas Ibnu is an employee in a well-known company, his salary is quite large. But the salary money he didn't give me completely.

His salary had to be split in half, for his mother half after that mas Ibn would take for him, for his capital a month, cigarette money and his gas money. The remaining 1 million she gave me, to hold me for a month, everything should be enough with that money, including to pay for electricity.

I know the money will not be enough, try hard to help him meet our daily needs by selling cakes.

Sometimes I feel so tired. Tired of my heart and mind. Until my body is thin dry not to mention my clothes are just that - it's with the patch everywhere because it does not have more money just to change clothes that are only worth the cheapest negligee. I look so pathetic.

Though I was born not from an underprivileged family, maybe I will give up and go back to my parents' house, return to being a spoiled woman who is disinclined by people.

*****

I entered my house with shaky steps, a house that was not too big but quite neat and clean.

My son's face was a little confused to see my tears from earlier flowing down my cheeks.

Even though I removed it, but still, my tears would not stop coming out. The feeling of being claustrophobic in humiliation and being lowered in front of the crowd had really dropped my pride. I'd love to get back at him, prove that I'm capable of more than him. But wait, I'll prove it someday.

Maybe starting tonight I really have to change, to become a stronger and more assertive person.

I will not give up, I will stay in my house. The house that I and Ibnu built during Ibnu's time married to me. The house that stood because of my frugality all this time. I also helped Ibnu in finding rupiah by selling cakes.

''baby, my handsome son slept first. The night was getting late, I said, when we were in the room.

''mama, why cry? mama Don't cry anymore!'' said my son with a gaze fixed on my face, his hands on my cheeks, petting my thin cheeks.

''no, mama is okay. Raihan bobok yes.''

''iya''

I stroked my son's back, holding the Prophet. It gives me peace and also for him.

***********

At 10pm it's past. While I was in the kitchen preparing all the ingredients for my cake sale tomorrow morning. I heard the sound of the door creaking, someone like her opened the door. I purposely did not lock it. Because I am very lazy to face Ibnu mas, I will inhabit Ibnu mas. Let this relationship feel bland, because it is what it is. I survived this long only because of my son Raihan, and because of my parents. I don't want to be a burden to them.

''this, there is a little food for you and Raihan from mama'' said Ibnu while putting food in the black crackle on the dining table. He sat there, watching me make the cake.

I didn't answer, I kept doing my job without caring.

"You angry?'' yell again.

''sorry'' said. I'm still quiet.

I heard him take a deep breath.

tears have flooded my eyes, I remember the same treatment my sister-in-law had.

''no, don't cry. Forgive Sari's attitude. Maybe the mood is not good anymore. His name is also the one giving birth. If you want to be angry, just angry because mas forced you to come along.'' said Ibnu.

I still did not answer, I put the finished dough doughnut, then covered it with plastic originally. After that I passed to the camp leaving Ibnu mas who looked annoyed.

''Fitr!'' he screamed a little hard. I know he must be angry.

Let it be, let it be like that. I know my husband never loved me. If he loves me, he will not bear to see me despised and demeaned. Moreover, a living was born that he had never noticed for me and our son. She's styling as she pleases, while I? Ah .... Never mind.

I was stupid, but, no. After this, I will no longer be treated.

***********

''eh Fitri, later do not forget yes, you picked up all the dirty clothes at Sari's house. You washin. Sari had already spent a lot of money for the celebration last night, she could not pay anyone else to wash all the dirty clothes in her house. Counting as payment for the food that Ibnu brought last night.''

I repeatedly read messages sent by my mother-in-law. I rubbed my eyes, it turned out that the message was nothing wrong, it was true.

This morning I woke up a little late, and was shocked by the message that entered my old-school cell phone, the phone I had from I was a girl.

I don't want to be your babu anymore, it's up to me not to care anymore.

''I am not your babu, I do not touch the food brought by Ibnu. I can return it back to Sari'''' My reply, let me say son-in-law is disobedient. Just this once I dared to argue with Mama. If left alone, I could die holding my heart.

Tonight I sleep in my son's room, keeping my distance will probably make Ibn al-Mas a little aware of his unfair attitude and uncaring attitude towards me.