My Mother is a Transvestite

The Traces of Youth

That afternoon the sky looked cloudy, dark clouds hung low, seemed to touch the roofs of houses in the small town. The rain that was originally just drizzling is now starting to flutter with a lot. The sound of falling rain points sprinkles a rhythmic tone over the precarious, creating a soothing symphony of nature.

Ima sat in the window of her room, staring at the raindrops drenching the glass, making the outside world seem hazy. Her long brown hair, which was usually pigtailed, is now free to cover part of her clean white face. Her small brown eyes seemed to sparkle, yet there was a kind of boredom emanating from her.

"Why does it rain when I want to play?" moaned Ima with a slightly sullen facial expression. Her naturally red little lips stiffened in annoyance.

Yusuf, his adoptive sister, who was playing block in the corner of the room, looked up and asked with her innocent face, "Why isn't Big Brother looking for an old toy in the attic? Maybe you can find something interesting."

Hearing Joseph's suggestion, Ima's two eyebrows met in a thoughtful expression. "Maybe that's a good idea" he said as he moved out of his chair.

With a spirit step, Ima opened a small door that led to the attic. The old wooden stairs that creaked every time he stepped on it added to the mysterious atmosphere amidst the increasingly heavy rain. The dim attic lights highlighted the flying dust. There, various old boxes and antiques piled up neatly.

Sitting cross-legged in the middle of the attic, Ima began to open one by one the box. The first box he opened contained old photographs. In one of the photos, Ana, their adoptive mother, appears as a young girl with wavy hair and vibrant eyes.

The next box contains old letters. But what caught his attention the most was a book with an old leather cover that looked worn. With curiosity, Ima began to open page after page of the book.

Without realizing it, the curious Joseph had approached and sat down beside him. "What is that, brother?" joseph asked, his eyes wide with curiosity.

"It's a diary, it may belong to Mom," Ima replied, her eyes fixed on the neat writings.

Joseph innocently asked, "Why is Big Brother so interested in reading it?"

Ima smiled, "Because this can tell us a lot about Mom's past."

While reading, Ima found a folded paper tucked between the pages of the book. "Look at this" he said, showing Joseph the paper.

When it opened, the paper featured a rather messy little handwriting, "For Mom, I love Mom. - Joseph."

They both laughed lightly. "This was my writing when I was just learning to write. Funny, Brother?" Joseph said with a red face.

Ima nodded with a smile, stroking her sister's head gently. "Yes, and I must have kept it because it meant so much to her."

Deck of rain outside further adds to the warmth of the moment in the attic. Two brothers who are exploring their adoptive mother's past, smile and laugh together in memory.

In her shade in the dusty attic, Ima continues to read Ana's diary. This time, the pages that are opened lead her into the trail of Ana's youth, a time where Ana has not yet become their mother.

Ima smiles while reading about Ana's friendship with her friends at school. Stories of their adventures, laughs, and jokes always fill their days. "Sir, listen to this!" ima cried while reading one of the pieces of the story to Joseph.

Yusuf, who was engrossed in the game, looked up and looked at Ima with sparkling eyes. "What is that, brother?"

"Ana wrote about her friends at school. They often spend time together, play soccer, and have picnics in the woods near the school. It seems like those times were a lot of fun" Ima replied as she turned the page.

Joseph was interested, "Sister, is there a story about Mother's love? Like a friendship or even his first love?"

I smiled and continued reading. "Oh, there's this. Ana writes about a schoolmate she likes. His name is Rizky."

Joseph's face was beaming when he heard his name. "Rizky, huh? How's story?"

Yusuf shook his head, "Sister, did Ana ever say anything to Rizky about her feelings?"

Ima checked the diary, "It doesn't seem like it. Ana just wrote down how happy she was to have a friend as good as Rizky."

Joseph let out a small sigh, "Maybe Mom doesn't want to reveal it in the diary."

Ima nodded in agreement, "Perhaps yes, but these are all precious memories for Ana."

Suddenly, Ima finds a page that contains about the school dance. Her face was beaming as she read the story of how Ana and her friends dressed up beautiful and handsome for the party. "This is exciting, Yusuf. Ana writes about how she chose beautiful dresses and beautiful shoes for her school dance."

Joseph showed the same interest, "Tell me more, Brother."

Ima clarifies the story, "Ana said that she felt like a princess that night. Her hair was tied pretty, and she even wore her first lipstick. He was nervous and pounding, but also very happy."

Joseph imagined the moment, "It must be a very memorable moment for Mom, huh?"

Ima nodded sincerely, "Yes, Yusuf. The school dance is one of Ana's fond memories of her youth. Sometimes, such memories are what make our lives more colorful."

The rain that subsided outside the window provided a quiet backdrop to the warm conversation between Ima and Joseph. They feel closer to Ana after learning some of her youth and the wonderful memories she once had.

With each page turned, Ima is further immersed in Ana's journey. In the old ink scratches, it was clear that the inner struggle experienced by Ana. On the yellow pages tanned with age, Ana writes about her doubts.

"July 23, 1990," Ima read slowly, "I often ask myself, who am I? Every time I look at myself in the mirror, there are two figures who are clashing with each other: male and female. But, which one really reflects my soul?"

Beside Ima, Joseph listened with attention. Although he was still a child, he could feel its depth. "Sister, why do you feel that way?" ask her with round eyes.

Ima sighed, looking for the right words. "Sometimes, Joseph, what we feel in our hearts is different from what appears on the outside. Like..," Ima paused for a moment, looking out the window. Outside, the sky was getting dark. The dim moonlight frolicked among the rolling night clouds, creating a mystical atmosphere. The unpretentious sound of crickets adds to the peace of the night. Ima continued, "As when we feel sad on the inside, but on the outside we smile."

Joseph tilted his head, his black hair falling over his right eye. "So you feel sad?"

Ima nodded slowly. "Maybe. But he also has hope. Look at this," he said, pointing to another entry.

"On September 7, 1990, there was a little dog who always accompanied me when I felt lonely. I call it 'Luna'. Whenever I felt scared or sad, Luna was always by my side, with her understanding eyes and her ever-moving tail. He was my best friend, giving me the strength to move on."

Yusuf smiled. "I want to meet Luna. Is he still alive?"

Ima shakes. "Maybe Luna is old now, or may have been." he said as he took a deep breath, "But to be sure, Luna has given a lot of happiness to Mom."

For a moment, the two fell silent, dissolving into a peaceful night atmosphere. The soft sound of the night breeze and the splashing of water from the small pond in the garden behind their house filled the silence.

Suddenly, Ima looked up, her eyes glazed over. "You know, Joseph, we should be grateful to have a mother like Ana. He has been through a lot, yet he remains strong and full of love."

Joseph hugged Ima tightly. "I know, Brother. And I'm grateful to have a sister and a mother."

The two of them hugged tightly, feeling the warmth of affection that had bound them together as a family. In the midst of identity struggles and life struggles, compassion is eternal, illuminating darkness and giving hope.