Meeting Point

will be back alone

The study room provided for additional learning places, now turned into a mourning room full of beautiful memories in it. With a slight hesitation, Aretha turned the doorknob then went inside, without closing the door first.

As the principal promised, this room was completely unchanged. Even the books that were often used by the 8 victims were still stored on the table. The blackboard still has scribbles. Even a lot of exercise paper was scattered. Even the trash cans, still filled with papers.

With her slow steps, Aretha walked towards the mading stored in the corner of the room. His hand rubbed some writing that was now getting dusty. It seems that few people come to visit here, considering that it holds too painful a memory. The flowers that were once stored in front of the victims' photos were still stored neatly. The only difference is that the flower is now beginning to wither.

"Nath, now I have to lean on who else. What if you leave?"

Inadvertently, Aretha read a piece of paper written in sticky notes pink. Nathan, the last time Aretha had a conversation with him, when they accidentally met at Budi's mang stall. Now the man who wanted to be naughty was gone forever. There will be no more accomplished men who have always been the darling of the headmaster. There will be no more Nathan's name in the school's social media posts.no more students are hated for not wanting to cheat.

I don't know who wrote the message, but Aretha hopes she can be happy and let Nathan go. It must be difficult, even now Aretha is still trying to make Azka's departure. But what else to do? There is no path we can choose but to keep going and living life. Because the painful reality is that death is just a phase of life that any human being will experience. The journey of life to the realm of eternity, the real life.

"Tha?"

There was no way Aretha could not recognize the voice that had just called her, the voice of the man she loved so much. A man who still wants to be friends and friends with him, even though his love has been rejected. The man who was by his side when he lost Azka. The man who sustains it when Aretha is unable to stand.

"They left with a sweet memory that felt so bitter Jo" Aretha said, staring at the pictures of her friends, who have now been gone for good.

Azka's departure, brought about such a great feeling of guilt in Aretha's heart. How many times he tried to be okay, however many times he said it was okay. In fact his heart and physique are not able to lie, Aretha is not okay, pretending to be okay does not mean he is really okay.

I don't know how many masks he has to wear. I don't know how many sleeping pills she has to take, so she can fall asleep and close her eyes. I don't know how much longer he can stop taking anti-depressant drugs. In fact, Azka's departure really made Aretha almost crazy. Now, Aretha realized that the reason why she was healed was not because of the help of psychologists or psychiatrists. But because there is Azka on his side, because Azka became his support system and gave him motivation to survive and a reason to survive.

Azka always invited him to go to study and guided him to always be closer to Allah SWT.

Aretha's cry broke as Jovan hugged her tightly. I don't know what kind of figure Jovan will see from the girl he loves. In fact, Jovan's love for her, made Aretha burdened. She is afraid that Jovan will leave, she is afraid that Jovan will hate her and throw her away. He's afraid of relying too much on Jovan. Aretha feared loss for the umpteenth time.

"Cry, you are also Tha man. You don't have to lie to yourself, you're a human being. You also have the right to be sad, you can cry over Azka's departure. Stop pretending Tha, you no longer need to wear all those masks. You deserve to be yourself. Thank you, thank you for holding on, thank you for fighting. You are great Tha, you deserve to be happy. Release Tha, release all that burden. You're great, thank you for surviving Tha. I am grateful to know you, I am grateful that you are by my side. You, too, should be proud of yourself, for having been able to walk up to this point. No need to be perfect Tha, because you have been great all this time, thank you, thank you for being alive"

There are some things that others do not understand, there are some events that others do not know, there are some sadness that cannot be felt by others. From childhood, Aretha is required to be perfect, she is required to live a happy life even though she is actually unhappy. Her parents' divorce was not her only grief. In fact, when her parents were still together, Aretha was already wearing her mask. He pretended to be okay and lied to himself.

The sentence that Jovan had just uttered, completely destroyed the entire defense of Aretha. The words that Azka had always spoken were now spoken by the man she loved. If once only Azka became the support system, now many people embrace it. Even the father, now began to open himself, brother Rama was now always accompany Aretha and his pampered. But until when? Dad will go back to Jogja, because there his wife lives. Brother Rama will also return to the back of the board, because there he works, also the place where he and his wife will settle.

Then even Jovan, he will go to continue his education. He's going to college and meet his new friends, he's going to have his own world. Everyone would leave her, how could Aretha dare to lean on them, whereas Aretha knew that they would eventually go back and part from her. And Aretha will return alone.