I WISH THERE WAS HAPPINESS

CHAPTRE 5

“Tomple cave pick up, get ready aja,” said Joseph, who came down from the car after arriving in front of my house.

“Arrange ajalah,” answered me.

“Don't be angry again dong gorgeous, ‘kan cave udukan had,” he said, while looking at my nose.

“Aaan anyway, the cave is still a grudge yes,” I said.

“Uluh-ten, still lashing it turns out, sorry, tomorrow the cave promises to take you to a cool place,” he said again, caressing my face.

“Serah,” I replied, lazy.

“Yes, the cave came home first, if you miss the phone,” he said, Joseph smiled and left me in front of the house, then he got back into his car, while waving to me, I just kept quiet and didn't reply.

Joseph's car was on the move, I was still standing looking at Joseph's departure, the memory of our chat still loomed in my mind, doubtful it was more and more greeting.

“Udah dong, until seen continue like that loh, the person has gone home, call me later if kangen,” scolded Mama, as well as teasing me.

I gasped, not realizing that Mama was outside. “What the fuck, Mama? Why follow him?” i said, moody.

“Emang him why?” ask Mama, smile.

“Nyebelin,” I replied, pouting.

Mama laughed. “Sign in first, Brother, or still want to wait for him to come back here?” seductive Mama.

“Now!” firmly, I also entered the house, followed by Mama who never stopped laughing.

I looked at Mama's face, somehow I understood the direction of the conversation that would be thrown in a while longer. It was not that I avoided the question, nor did I hate the topic being raised, but not until my heart answered the hopeful question. I couldn't bear to see Mama's sparkling eyes, looking at me from earlier when we entered this room.

“You're getting familiar, huh? When do you have a grandchild, Sis?” mama asked, stopping my steps.

“Gosh, the question, really, really, Mama,” I replied.

I know what Mama means, but I still can't make it happen, I still have to fight to find who I am. Not that I didn't want to realize my parents' wishes, but that I was still trying to get to know myself, I was still struggling to love myself.

“You've eaten?” ask Mama.

“Udah, Ma, I ate with Joseph,” I replied.

“Where was it, can you interview him?” ask Mama again.

“Let me tell you, I clean first. Mama wait in my room aja,” I said.

“Gih, sprawl. Mama can't wait to hear your story,” she said, while walking to my room.

***

Mama was sitting on the edge of the bed, reading a book from one of my collections on the shelf just above my bed. I opened the closet, chose my nightgown, I thought Mama was still washed away with her reading book.

Mama looked. “Where's the story, Brother?” mama asked impatiently.

I approached, sitting beside him. Mama closed the book on her lap, leaned forward, tilted her body slightly, adjusted her gaze so she could see me well. I saw Mama, ready to tell her about today and about all my anxiety.

“Tadi, it turns out that I did not just come to a job interview,” I said, starting a story.

“I answered everything, I also participated in the discussion at that time, so it was not so awkward,” I replied.

I thought for a moment before continuing my story to Mama, I re-thought my anxiety about the outside world. As if understanding what I was thinking, Mama took my hand.

“What's up?” ask Mama softly.

“Ma, there are a lot of people ..” lirihku.

“Certainly, instead of large companies must be many employees, Kak?” ask Mama.

“But, Ma, I was chatting with Joseph too, I was talking about my situation. How is it, Ma? Will they accept me or not, Ma? I am afraid, afraid of myself, afraid that later it will become a burden for many people,” I explained.

Mama sighed, realizing the direction of my conversation, Mama must know what I want to discuss. Mama gently rubbed my hand that she had just held, then brought my hand to Mama's lap.

“Mama understand. Understand once about your anxiety, but you should be more sure of yourself,” said Mama.

“Dengerin yes, there is one verse that says gini, ‘And do not despair of the mercy of God. Verily, there is no return from the mercy of Allah except those who disbelieve You should always be grateful, it could be one of the graces of Allah from the many graces that Allah has given you.” Mama stroked my hair, giving it peace.

“So do not despair first, you have not fought and what you are worried about is not necessarily the case, trust your same determination, you certainly can. Mama support all your decisions,” advice Mama.

I immediately hugged Mama from the side looking for comfort there, I was proud of the greatness of Mama who could lovingly instill determination in me. I was filled with all sides of his affection.

“Iya, Mother. Even though work is not yet, who knows they accept me the following work accepts my situation, why am I even worried about the same thing that has not happened? I will convince myself from now on, Ma, I will try first, doain me, I am ready for war now, Ma,” my resolve.

“Mama will always pray for you, your brother, your father, Mama will always pray. Don't worry about what hasn't happened. Focus first on what you will do tomorrow night,” explained Mama, reassuring me again.

I focused on what Mama said, until I ignored the awkward word from what Mama said earlier. “What's wrong?” my question, wonder.

“You don't want to be picked up, the same Joseph,” replied Mama, ignorant.

I was aghast, immediately releasing my embrace to Mama, I looked at Mama full of probing. “Mama know where? Ih, Mama nguping ya?” my search.

“Neither nguping, coincidentally astonishment,” Mama replied, plain.

“Ah, Mom. This is again serious, even discussing others,” I said, not accept.

“Do not be serious very serious, tomorrow must be invited to play, must be your pleasure. Especially the same Joseph,” said.

“Emang why the same Joseph? Usually also the same he continues, ‘kan? So now why is it suddenly so special to go with Joseph?” my cerocos, still won't take it.

“Udah, already, why so ranting? Anyway, tomorrow go to Joseph, Mama will not be forbidden, just calm,” said Mama.

“Heem,” answer.

Mama smiled, and tidied up the hair boy blocking my face. “Inget yes Brother, every pain you are in Mama's pain too, every happiness you are a trigger for Mama's happiness too, but every time you despair, every time you despair, Mama who will break your spirit to recover. Mama is also the same, both have struggled to accept the situation. So Mama wants you to believe in yourself first, promise ya?” said Mama, never stopping to encourage me.

“Iya Ma, I promise, I will be happy, I make sure will fight, will not be easy to give up, I love Mama,”.

I hugged Mama again, saying thousands of gratitude in my heart. Mama stroked my back, she clasped my hand fondly, I'm sure even in the next life, I just wanted to be born from the womb of Mama I hold now.

Leaning on great power is the best, I assure myself of His promise that He will not break, I clung to my self-confidence which I believed was the best path to my new move. I am ready, I can and will continue to give thanks obediently to His every favor.