I Leave It To You

I surrender to You

Zahra PoV's

When my father asked me to speak, it was more like giving me a will, because it happened when my father was sick and he was talking while lying on his bed. Actually I want to reject and oppose that matchmaking. But seeing the condition of the father who looked weak lying on the bed made me unbear and undo my intention to oppose him. I'm afraid Dad's illness will get worse if I defy his wishes.

I rejected the matchmaking because I still hoped to continue my higher education. I want to achieve my goals. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor. But my father was not interested at all to realize my ideals.

In addition to wanting to continue my higher education. I refused the match because the person I was betrothed to said ugly. It sounds evil 'cause I've never seen his face, but I've considered him ugly because of Fara's words. But how else 'bout, I've already ilfil him .

At that time I was confused how to do so that I finally asked my mother for help to persuade my father to want to cancel the match. It just so happened that my father was going out of the house to join the service at the mosque, so I was more free to talk to my mother.

I approached the mother who was watering flowers in the yard. And get him to talk.

" Mom can talk for a minute, ma'am."

"Yes, of course, Ra... What do you want to say ?"

Ask your mother while watering the flowers

" Mom please help Zahra dong bu to persuade father to cancel Zahra's match with father's chosen man."

" For a moment, I'll clean the water hose."

" Ra.. I apologized in advance for not being able to persuade your father to want to cancel your match with that man."

Mother said as she hugged me tightly and rubbed my head gently. I just kept quiet hearing Mom's words .

" We...ibu ..mbak Fara and mas Syarif have tried hard to persuade your father but still can not change his stance. Maybe it's your destiny, Ra. Please guide Allah SWT. Because maybe what we think is bad is what's best for us."

At that time my heart was very sad because I could not do anything more to cancel the match. When I asked my mother for help, my mother raised her hand because she couldn't change my decision. So did Fara, even she apologized to me for not changing my decision. I feel like I am now expecting a resigned sacrificial goat waiting for its time to be slaughtered.

When I have no place to sulk only to Him is where I beg. In a third of the night I spread my prayer rug to honor Him. I put all the stuff in my heart. Begging a clue to Him from the indignity of my heart.

I said a prayer full of hope. Just hope to Him that what makes my heart claustrophobic can be overcome.

" O Allah, if he is my soul mate, bring him closer and if he is not my soul mate, keep him away. You are the one who knows all that we cannot know. If indeed he is not my soul mate then soften your heart so that you can accept it. But if he is my soul mate then expand my heart to be able to accept him as my soul mate."

I did not deny it after I got closer to Allah SWT my heart felt peaceful. There was no more turmoil in my heart.I lived my day with gratitude.

The matchmaking problem was I no longer dizzy. All I have submitted to Allah SWT . All have been recorded in Lauhul Mahfudz . We as His servants are only able to live it hoping for His pleasure.