Heart Fragment

It's About Devan

Pov Devan

I thought the somersault of life would end after the KKN period was over. Apparently not at all. Even that was the starting point of my very steep life.

"Plakk!"

"Dad!!!!"

Now, for the first time, I'm right to see what's the reason your face is always in thick makeup.

None other than the lightness of my hands. It's so easy to land anywhere you want. Mamah fell down, her face slightly bruised. There was even a bloody wound on his right temple.

Me, still with the campus alma mater jacket. Just opened the door of the house, glued and stuck there. That sight, instantly made my blood boil.

Hurrying footsteps, the roar of my breath hunts. I gamit Mamah's hand, sit her in the chair.

"Connect me, mas! Divorce now!!" Mamah. Dad stared furiously. Both of his eyes narrowed almost out.

I stared hard. It turns out to be true said mbok Pinah all this time. Daddy likes to hit.

"Shut up!!!" Jerky Daddy rising.

"Now choose, woman******* that or I'm your legal wife!" Mamah shouted loudly, and then stood up, pointing at the face of the father who was angry.

"You have the heart! You bear!! What less am I? Late at night help slam the bones, you're playing behind me!! You're outrageous."

"Well, calm down first." I tried to break up. Obstructing Mamah's steps that further ignited Dad's emotions.

"I can't stand you anymore either, fine if that's your will. I'm divorcing you right now." He said as he walked away, leaving me and Mamah still flabbergasted in disbelief.

"Dad!!!!" My voice screeching. Trying to resuscitate.

"Hey, quiet! The child does not know himself! Don't interfere!" He shouted back while looking up at me.

Heat, a sense of heat in the heart as if flowing evil energy in the mind. Makes me have uncontrollably hit Dad in the face. Until he almost hit the stairs.

* * * * *

Many days Dad never came home. Mama often looks daydreaming even without consciously crying herself. Maybe I remember Dad. Also their life journey full of twists. Remember before they were this successful.

For what to collect rupiah coffers if finally the household is destroyed. The magnificent palace that was built ran aground.

Mama destroyed. His heart was broken into pieces. How fragile that woman is. If love hurts this much, what way will my love run aground without edges?

Rani, can you wait a little longer?

* * * * *

Months later Mamah officially widowed. Followed by a photo of the father who has rebuilt his household. With another woman older than Mamah.

Dad, is that how fast it's gonna change the pier? Why is the ship docked where it shouldn't be.

I too was destroyed. No longer knowing the direction life will take us. In addition to physical pain, mental Mama also sick.

I can't just keep quiet. Our economy is slumped without a shoulder to support.

Banting directions, looking for gaps. Trying to find your own rupiah. For the sake of connecting life. Also the treatment of Mamah that costs not a little.

Rani, are you still waiting? It turns out that my way of life is now, full of thorns as well as twists.

* * * * *

I wiped away the sweat that flooded my forehead. Tired, hard work with little pay. I tried to hold on, remembering the shadow of Mamah's face as well as Rani's. The two women who gave more encouragement.

Will you accept me even though I fall down?

* * * * *

Dad no longer showed me his nose. Mamah is getting worse. A house that holds so many memories, making it even more frustrating.

"Van, take it to Bandung. Don't think about costs. Ntar uwa auxiliary."

The voicemail I received from Mamah's brother in Bandung gave me a little bright spot.

At least some brothers are still willing to help. How good God is. In times of weakness like this, why just think of Him?

I sent the last piece of paper from Surabaya. I don't know how many letters I've sent him. Rani, never once retaliated.

He doesn't have a device. There was also no other way to contact him except by letter.

I can't use the car to meet him. Been long in the pawnshop. Lucky the car was still in my name. I dare not bring it up or ask for it. All the common treasures that were built with Mamah, ludes were left. Dad took all. I hate you so much Dad!

* * * * *

The train was speeding off without a hitch and said it was too late. I, after a long time, set foot again in the land of Mamah's birth. At the Bandung station, Mamah's extended family was waiting. Nobody talked about Dad. Because I forbid it. If Mamah had heard the advice of Grandpa and Grandma not to marry Dad. Maybe his life path is not this bitter.

But everything has gone. It happened and it cannot happen again.

"Welcome back," a helping hand from Bagas I warmly welcomed. The speech that later became an introduction to my life journey relay. Last time we met was High School. When he and his family visited Surabaya.

Mom just kept quiet. I never knew the trauma was so deep. To make it more and more lost sense.

For her sake, I was forced to take Mamah to a mental hospital. Again, the pain returned. Shoot so great. I want to expose that depraved man who turned out to be my father. Goddamnit!

Six months have passed. I was getting excited because it seemed like my luck was currently taking sides. The business I started with Bagas managed to grow so fast. I'm learning more and more. Yes, the test of life is the best. Besides now my way of thinking has begun to mature, I also deepen the science of religion. In Bandung many communities teach together. I just want to be better than yesterday. It would also be more fitting to be with my fierce girl. Rani, it looks like this miss can't be held for longer. I really want to live with you.

* * * * *

Today's schedule is for Mamah. I heard from auntie, her condition is getting better now. Mamah, my greatest strength right now is you. Can you just for a moment call my name? Remembering in a memory that has been damaged? Remembering correctly that I am your son.

Tesss...

I, after a long time of living the somersault of life. Only once this is true crying, tears can no longer be contained. Looking at my woman, playing her own doll in her hands.

"Devan, the handsome son of mama. Pinter is also a pity. Jalana-jalan yah same Mamah. Emmm we're buying ice cream." His words pointed at the face of the doll in the deck.

Her hair is braided in two. She's my little girl.

I approached. Bring some food and toys for Mom.

"Go! Go Afif! I'm not looking at you!" Mamah. Still calling me by my father's name. Then he played the doll in his hand. It was like the baby was me.

I wept. Mama why is it still like this? Sobbing to himself in the doorway. Mama, heal. A separation that leaves pain, so deep that it destroys the mind as well as the mind.

"Devan," said Mamah lirih. Removing me from daydreams, there was a happy tinge in my chest. Mamah recognize me?

Mamah walked over, walked up to me in the doorway then rubbed my cheeks gently.

But his gaze was so empty. Flat without expression.

Then he pulled my hand. Go into the room. He asked me to sit down laughing. Yes, mamah is still not healed properly.

Then Mama went back to playing with her dolls. I was stunned, staring at the box in my hand. Rani's ring that she refused when I asked her to be a wife.

Mama still keeps it? Even in a lost state of mind you gave it to me?

"I will bring my son-in-law here" I said steadily while hugging Mama tightly.

A year less to meet, are you still faithfully waiting? I smiled at the thought of my meeting with him. I'll show you, I can turn more mature.

* * * * *

The cold air of the city of Bandung makes me feel at home for a long time hiding under the blanket. Plus today the holiday shop. The online store also has two people. Bagas said he wanted to check things at the center. It means I can relax for a day.

The boy, in addition to his watered brain he was also nimble in looking for opportunities. I only help market goods, become endorsed or participate in managing store finances. He trusts me so much.

This house I'm occupying. Although small but the results of sweat itself. I am very grateful, not imagined if still in Surabaya. Maybe to just eat I don't have any. Because there have no brothers.

"Drrrrrttttttttt" my gawa vibrated. Maybe from the store, I thought.

"Drrrrrtttttt, drrrrrrtttt.." again vibrated with so intense a lot.

I saw an unknown number. Send some photos. Undownloaded. Because I was lazy to open it.

Mostly a prankster. I saw his profile picture.

"*******!" Umpatku. The man in the picture is my father.

I scroll down. Saw him typing.

[See the bride's photo.] There's a bad feeling there. My feelings are suddenly not good.

All photos are perfect.

That girl, her, Raniku?

Still can't believe it, I enlarged the photo on the screen. Make sure if it's not true. I wish it was just an edited photo.

As hard as I deny. That photo, it's true that he's Raniku.

I got back a video showing the wedding procession.

"Bruaaa!!!" Kawai kubanting perfectly hit the wall.

I rubbed my rough face. My mind is in chaos, my heart is in pain again.

I'm broken!

My hopes are perfect. She was married.

Even before we had a chance to meet and I reapplied. Why can't you just wait a little bit?

I'm tergugu. Cry broke. Snuggled in the room. By ourselves. With a burning heart.

Mama, you don't need to lend me a heart so I can feel your pain. Because now I feel the same pain.

More hope to man will only give pain.

My head's dizzy. It all seems to spin. Then dark. And getting more concentrated. I seem to be fainting.

* * * * *

My sight was giddy, a bottle of drink that I gulped was not able to make me lose consciousness. Many times the bagas pulled my hand to get me out of this place. But I don't care, let me take this pain out of my heart.

The sound of music that was pounding, bursting deafening. I followed the beat of a rhythm that gave me more spirit.

Shooting, screaming, all rumbled into one. Wet sweat floods the entire body. I'm enjoying. With countless heartbreaking disappointments.

"It's been prepared." Young woman. With clothes that are no less erotic. Dancing with me, slipping a key in my hand.

I smiled, winking my eyes at him.

I hurried off. Towards a room that corresponds to the key in the hand.

"Come on, isn't this your first night" I opened the door. Rani's shadow always flashed in her mind. He, even his shadow alone, tried to hold me back. So as not to fall further and further.

"Klek," the door opened. My footsteps were half staggered, perhaps the influence of the drink I had been gulping at.

On the lip of the bed sat a girl. He crossed his legs. The transparent sexy clothes that were worn, made the swish in my blood burst.

The girl walked closer. Caught my body in his arms. The fragrant fragrance of his body burst out, giving me a slight sense of comfort.

Kupandangi. Damnit damnit! Why Rani's face is imagined. I pushed him hard into bed.

"You enjoyed your first night, didn't you? All right let's finish." I spoke to the girl in front of me, she frowned. Thinking I might be crazy.

"Dad, crazy because you're Rani!" I snapped rough.

"Go!" I went back to yelling at the girl. He's the one I hired, hasn't even had time to do his job.

"Go fast!"

The girl did not speak. He's still confused. I saw him put on his jacket to cover his body. He even went before staring fixedly at me."thank you, sir," he said, leaving the room.

I'm stuck here. Enjoy the pain deep down. Let me sleep here tonight. Hugging Rani's shadow in my dreams.

* * * * *

Many times I saw the device. Looking at the photo of Raniku wearing a white dress with the man beside him. Mas Rahman, my half-brother. The daughter who ruined my mother's life. Duhai, why does the world feel so narrow.

I stared at Rani's face on the screen. She still looks beautiful, even more beautiful with a simple make up on her face. But, it didn't seem as though happy curates were emanating. Even as if forced.

Rani, you know, I still want you.

"Why Van?" Bagas nudged my arm roughly. He seemed to be able to read my condition was a complete mess.

"You are, if there is any story to me. Mereun can help." He said while patting my back.

"Ok," I said briefly. I'm not having a taste for talking.

One month trying to fix the heart. Many times Dad called back, making small talk so I would stay at his house for a while.

I don't know what that means, don't you also know if Rani is the girl I chose first.

I stayed at Dad's house for a few days before landing a foot in Bandung. Watching the woman who is now his wife. I used to want to poison it, but a little bit of my consciousness said that it was not true.

They are happy on a gaping wound. And now his son is happy, over the wound that was scratched in the chest.

All right, this weekend I'm coming.