Heart Fragment

Past Times

His steps sounded away. I subconsciously, fall down in front of the refrigerator door. Sobbing, enjoying the turmoil in the rumbling chest.

Crying in silence. The pain in the heart was so deeply torn.

Thirst that never gets wet, suddenly disappears. Replacing with a taste that I don't know, hard to describe.

"She, even remember my birthday." I closed my mouth with my own hands. Upon realizing it, there were a pair of eyes looking at me suspiciously.

"Rani?"

"Mas Rahman?" I swallowed the saliva. Did he see me with Devan? Inner me worries.

Rahman rushed to me. Then he helped stand up.

"Why you?" Ask worried.

"I am, thirsty, Mas" I replied half stammeredly.

"Kok cry?" He looked into my two eyes. Then wipe away the remaining water.

"Mas, huhuhu.." I grabbed Rahman's hip. Hugged him tightly, buried his face in both of his chest that fielded. Crying so badly.

"Dec, what's wrong with you?" I heard her voice panicked a little.

I don't give a shit. All I need right now is her calm.

"What's up, deck? Calm down well, mas is always there for a bitch," he said trying to calm me down. I can feel Rahman's fingers rubbing my back.

He then let go of the embrace. Put me in the kitchen chair. Take a glass of water, and then I sip until it runs out.

He dragged the chair, turned it over and sat facing me.

"Why not build it?" Ask while still looking.

"So his sleep was very good, want to wake up but did not have the heart," said I lirih.

"Well, can't you?" He pulled my nose.

"Udah yuk, go back to the room." take Rahman and pull my hand.

"Later, mas." Refuse smooth.

"Emang why? Still thirsty?" Ask ensures.

"No, um, but tingling" I said as I rubbed the right calf. At least wait a few minutes to get back to walking.

He then dyed. Looking left and right. As if looking for something. Is there a vane? I asked in my heart.

Rahman then lowered his head. I put my left hand under my knee. The right hand then reaches for the back.

"What do you want, mas?" I panic.

"Don't be noisy" he said slowly.

Huh huh? She's carrying me?

"Mas, albinism. If anyone sees how!" I said while looking left right. Afraid that someone will see.

"Who wants to see these nights?" Ask while smiling.

"Hand, let's not fall." Later orders.

I put both hands around Rahman's neck. Watching his expression carried me. Funny too.

This husband of mine, even though he's been married for over a month. I can still hear his heart beating irregularly.

"It's small, but it's also heavy" he said as he continued walking.

"Ish, kangmas!" I patted his back shoulder. Am I fat?

"Kangmas?" He stopped, his eyebrows clashing. Interlocked like a couple who let go of longing.

"May as well" he said again. Then bring her face closer to me. It's so close and it stole something there.

"Mas!" I blinked, he was still, happy with his name all of a sudden.

"It's halal." He walked back. Stare straight ahead and smile winning.

When we were at the top of the stairs. From behind Rahman's back, I saw Devan standing looking up. Look straight at me. By giving a line of smiles.

"Here you go down here, mas." My love as soon as we get to the door.

"Square." Rahman opened it, not poking at my words. Then he looked closely. Then whispered, "Dec, mas kangen."

"Ehh..."

* * * * *

The day continues in the accompaniment of various crowded activities. He, properly guard his words. Never again bothered me, even seemed indifferent if accidentally met. Although there was a feeling of relief, but there was also a little bit of hesitation on him.

"Huffa..."

Today I locked myself in my room. Because Mother-in-law is away, plus at home just stay alone with Devan.

I don't want to be a hypocrite, being alone with him, still feels a soft sigh in my chest. Even though he no longer bothers me. But the thing called heart, I don't know. Maybe because I was expecting more.

His smile this morning. When he was under the stairs and saw me with Rahman. I don't know why it makes my heart pinch, it hurts.

"Aargh!" I covered my face with a pillow. Lying in the room all day, it felt pretty boring.

Rahman, too, when he's working rarely sends me messages. Sometimes there is a side where a wife really needs attention. Even if it is just a message.

Trying to shut up, but it's still nine in the morning. Restless, wanting to pray dhuha but my guest came since six this morning.

I finally got down the bed. Take a leisurely walk up to the dresser drawer. I remember something I didn't open yet. Devan's gift.

For some reason, a little attention like this alone makes me always imagined. And this heart, as if again gives more hope. It is not synchronous between the heart and the mind!

I'm watching this thing in my hand. A small box with a white cloth. Around it was a circular golden ribbon.

"This thing." My mind was glaring, remembering something. I wanted to open it, but there was fear too.

Fear if old memories come back. But it's also a gift.

Open it?

No?

Open it?

No?

Openup!

"No," a tiny object glistened there. Gold ring with heart carving pair, white eyed on each fringe.

This ring, the gift of Mamah Devan that I once refused. There was back pain.

Memory has been running for four years. In a room, there was Mbah kakung, Devan, and also his parents. At that time they were witnesses of Devan's remarks. If he's serious about getting in a relationship with me.

"I'm not ready yet" I said, trying to resist even though my heart said it wanted to accept. Ah, my hypocrite!

"Marry me after college. And Devan's a little bit more mature." I'm trying to compromise. Not a relationship.

"This ring, then well if you really want to marry." I said to Mamah Devan.

The young man smiled. He even forgot that his body condition had not properly recovered. Those memories, they made me fly. If it hadn't involved the heart, it might not have hurt this much.

I'm back sobbing.

"Why don't you ever reply to my letters?" Devan's voice is back.

A letter? Which letter? I rubbed my wet eyes.

"Aren't you the one who didn't give me an explanation? A year more no news! Disappear like the earth! And now come as my brother-in-law!!" I screamed in the mirror. Devan's face was clearly visible there.

Degh,

My brain thinks again. Have I been selfish all this time? He also never explained why he disappeared.

"Drrrrttttt..drrrrrtttt.." vibrating device disperse various minds.

I saw the name of the mother who called.

"Hallo assalamualaykum," I said first.

"Wa alaykumussalam warahmatullah wabarakatuh," replied the mother from across.

"Sir," came the mother's voice slightly sobbing.

"Mom's dad, what's wrong?"

"Mother is in the village. Your aunt's house." His reply came back like holding back a crying voice.

"Why are you crying?" I started to panic. My heart was signaling like something was wrong.

"Same aunt Malika accident nduk,"

"Huh, what? How about now?"

"Auntie died, Malika was critical in the hospital." Mother's voice stamped. There's a raspy there too.

"Tut..but..tut..."

"Hallo, mom... hello?"

There's no answer. Connection interrupted.

"Mas Rahman, hurry home."

* * * * *

Devan's white fortune car splits the night's darkness. The current of the vehicle is not too dense, making the car go so smoothly without obstacles.

Every now and then our eyes meet, from behind the steering windshield.

Mas Rahman came home late, he said he would catch me at the hospital. But I refused if it had to be both in the car with Devan. Because it's not mahram.

Finally willing to leave at night. And Rahman fell asleep in my lap all the way. She's exhausted.

"What hospital goes directly to the village?" Devan asked opening his voice.

"The hospital first. Ensuring the state of Malika." Reply as needed.

Duhai, why did my heart become like this. For the last two years I have not seen Malika. Also my mother never took me to the house of Mbah Kakung. After Mbah died, there was a quarrel between the families. Just because of an inheritance, any brother can be hostile.

I breathe out slowly. This car makes me cramped, there's a line of stored memories.

The car pulled over to the parking lot of Soetomo hospital. I went straight to the receptionist, asking for information regarding Malika's room. Along the way Rahman grasped my hand. Gave me the spirit to be strong.

There is an affectionate relationship formed because of getting used to it together. Malika and I are like brothers. From childhood we lived together. I've taken her like a real sister myself. Really, I'm very worried about him. What if she finds out, Auntie's gone home? God, strengthen him.

Rahman accompanied me into the room. While Devan, waiting on the front bench of the room.

Ward Malika is located at the end, she's alone. Dropped weakly with bandages wrapped around his legs and head.

"Malica?" I'm staring. He hasn't slept yet.

"Rani?" His mouth doesn't believe. Soon her tears broke as I arrived beside her.

I looked towards Rahman. He nodded and left the room.

"Rani, mom? Mum...?" His voice stamped. She still with her tears. The more sounding bitter also not bear.

I try to calm down. Long time he was disturbed. Until he finally fell asleep in tears. Malika, what a pity. Under these conditions, none of the sodara in the village would accompany him. Busy taking care of aunt's funeral. And the days after. Sometimes I feel surprised, those who are lost have to spend a lot of money to just send prayers for the mayor. Days until finally leaving debt. Sad, sad, but they consider it a tradition. Oh, come on, it should be the one who loses who needs to be given a lot of compensation.

After Malika fell asleep I walked out of the room. Looks like I'll have to stay overnight until there's a brother to replace.

I saw Rahman sleeping on the waiting bench. While Devan, standing against the wall of the hospital. He put a headset on both ears. Occasionally rub the screen.

"Mas" call me Rahman. He's ambushed. Like a thief who was found out.

"Dad, why deck?" Ask.

"I used to stay here, Malika was alone. Poor thing." I asked for permission.

"But tomorrow we have to leave early." The answer is not good.

"No papa, I went home with Devan. Tomorrow come again" I bargained.

Mas Rahman turned to Devan, the man was still busy with his clothes.

"Why, Mas?" Plain asking. Ish, pretend my sniffling is in my heart.

"Mas wants help, Devan anterin mas go home. Keep coming back here nemenin mbak Rani." Mas Rahman.

Huh huh?

"Mas!" I snapped a little. How could Rahman have Devan accompany me. Meningan also own.

"No need, I'm alone, yeah" my whine assures.

"Sir," he called as he grabbed my hand.

"Mas doesn't want Rani here alone. Toh Devan is also sodara Mas. I believe he can take care of Rani."

Deghs

Why am I suddenly afraid Rahman is leaving. And the sentence, why should it be like that too. As if to go far away.

"Tomorrow to go home from work, mas promise directly here," he said then stroked the top of my hijab slowly.

I nodded resignedly. I can't leave Malika either. What if tomorrow the doctor who checks comes his family.

"Agreed, Van?" Ask Rahman to Devan. It seems he was listening to it too.

He then combined his index finger and thumb. Forms the perfect circle.

"OK!"