GRAF'S THEOREM

CHAPTER 35 THE VOICE OF ANGGITA

Many times the screen of the phone I tap. I touch the green button many times. Closing the gray slab to my ear, I wish there was another sound to welcome me besides the voice of the female operator I've heard hundreds of times.

Where are you, Gilar?

You said we were dating. But, you disappeared without news not until a day after we inaugurated the relationship in front of your mother's headstone. I'm moved not to play. It's like you're proposing to me to get married, even if it's just a date. In front of your mother's navel that's so fancy. Under a Cambodian tree forced to abort its flowers. Looks like just for our sake the tree was willing to fall, huh? Agreed, right?

You've been missing for a week without a trace. Agus refused to be asked many times about you. It was so fierce and scared me. Even so, there is no one I can ask but him. So, I was as strong as my heart against that feeling of fear. I just want to know where you are, Gilar!

I ventured to Agus' house. Armed with the address I asked from TU staff half whining. But, nil! There's no you there. I had to kick Agus out. Mang Parto greeted me kindly. Like you said, Mang Parto is so good.

I also went to your house which you said was close to Agus' house. But the house is so old. The grass in the garden was thick and tall. The windows are already broken. It even seems that some parts of the foundation of the wall have fallen inedible age. It's like a haunted house, Gilar. I don't know how long you've been leaving this house. A house full of joy and sorrow like your story.

I walked desperately back home. We took the bus we had been on together. I intentionally sat on the same bench. Just being able to imagine your existence sitting next to me. Chat until we laugh together.

Ah, I miss you, Gilar.

The street I was looking at from behind the bus window made my longing grow grumpy. The road we've been on together on your red bike. Hugging tightly to yourself even with a bitter feeling. Leaning the head even though it is just a feeling of pain. It was so beautiful even though we were not together. But, I enjoyed the hard times to forget you. You always I miss, Gilar.

I want to share a lot of stories with you, Gilar.

The friendship between a man and a woman has been realized that nothing is pure. I don't know what to do with Dawn. I'm sick, upset, disappointed, sad too. I'm not sure if I should blame him or not. Human feelings cannot be regulated at will. Also Dawn's feelings for me, I can't stop her from liking me.

Just like when I secretly liked you. To forget you is so hard and painful. But, maintaining the same feelings is equally difficult and painful. It's so hard for me to be around you to put a damper on longing. Just glancing at you from a distance was so reluctant I did. I'm afraid of getting caught for secretly watching you.

Why are we so hard to be together, Gilar?

There is one reason that always makes me forced to cut the distance in order to spread the longing. There is only a reason for us to be forced to separate before the sweet memories can increase. Are we not meant to be together, Gilar? But, why does God always let my feelings only be directed at you? Evil god! He makes me miss you always.

I hope the bus prevents me from coming home. Walking alone to the house often invites my longing for you. Sometimes I even hold my own hand as if you were here. We walk together and listen to your story.

I miss you, Gilar.

***

Day change day. Your seat is empty without occupants. Agus doesn't even rarely ditch. Perfect already! There's no one I can ask anymore about you. My mouth even cuddles every Master to discuss your whereabouts. The question I find hard to answer right now is about your presence.

The news is that Dawn and I are not going to change. I choose not to consider him a friend anymore. Obviously a feeling of liking will not be so easy to change. I don't want to add to his pain if I keep him near me. All I miss is you, Gilar.

I have often looked at the classroom window that was either open or closed, suddenly your figure was present. Take a leisurely turn into the room even though hours have passed. It's okay if you're late as well, as long as I can see you all day.

Ah, Gilar. Where are you really?

How are you doing there?

At least reply to my messages even if it is just a one-letter letter or a mere dot. If you are lazy to type, try picking up the phone from me. I waited for your voice even if it was just a soft cry calling my name.

What's wrong with me, Gilar?

Are you sorry you became my girlfriend?

Is this the reason why you can't be my girlfriend because you could be missing?

Why could that be?

Explain everything to me, Gilar?

I was desperate to find you. There's nothing I can ask you anymore. I'm desperate to get back to the place where we're officially dating. The Cambodian flower has run out of flowers. It seemed like the heavy rain yesterday afternoon made them fall and disappear without a trace.

"Where's the gilar, Mom?"

Don't think I'm being silly asking your mom!

In my shadow he suddenly sat dumbstruck on the head of the headstone with both knees bent. Looked at me with pity. Or are you laughing at me for looking for you?

Ah, I need a warm hug. But here there was only a cold wind that was blowing fast. The smell of funerals makes me smaller. Here there are only dead people lying on their backs underground. No one answered my screams but silence.

"Where did Gilar escape to, ma'am?"

Again only the wind answered. The clap of leaves seemed to laugh at my confusion. If the tree doesn't belong to God, I might just bury it.

I give up, Gilar!

Miss you.

The road I was walking through felt as lonely as a grave. It makes no difference. The sound of the grunting and passing of the vehicle is like a noisy gust of wind. It is light here, but in my heart it is dark. None of you here is getting any bigger. I need to see your face for a second. Just for a second.

***

I ran off from a distance like crazy. Even the night made my view pitch black. But, I do know a figure standing in the doorway of my house. From a distance of 100 meters I can already work on your presence. I ran like crazy. Penetrating the darkness without a care there was a rat hit while I was running.

I'm pouring into your arms. Embracing your shoulders tightly with breathless breath. Also tears of longing that I can no longer protest for silence.

"I miss you, Gilar!"

Both of your hands are getting tighter and tighter. We hold each other for real, not just my shadow. You were about to let go of my embrace, but I dodged. I don't want to lose you again. It's possible that you'll run away again after my hug comes off, isn't it?

"I'm not leaving, Gita." Your answer convinced me.

I can't believe it! It never will! My hug will tighten because I don't believe what you said just now.

"You want to go for a walk, right? I'm laper."

Your offer is ridiculous. I took off my arms with a pouting face. Can't you enjoy this sweet moment?

Pouting me vanished. Turned into confusion to find your face full of scars. Not too bad indeed. But it is not a new wound.

"You fighting?"

You shake steadily with a wide smile. Obviously I'm getting worried. You want to brag? I will not be fooled again!

"What is this?"

My finger started to slowly touch the wounds on your face. My spies scrutinized every inch of your body fearing that there was another wound I could see.

I grabbed your hand still covered in white cloth. Both! I looked at you sharply for answers. But you smile innocent.

"You fighting?"

I'm trying to guess what you're trying to say. Words you seem reluctant to say. Naughtiness! I can't read your expression. I was only able to treat my longing by constantly looking at you. I failed to understand you.

"You left your girlfriend, Gilar! You should apologize!" yell at you.

You nodded obediently. Smiling with the hand that was holding me.

"I'm sorry, Gita."

I'm not satisfied to miss you.

"Streetings, yuk!"

I'm nodding your invitation. Follow the pull of your hand that will somehow take me where. I would go with you, Gilar. That's fine! Because I missed you! Very!

***

Why are you just silent, Gilar?

You're not like this usually! What as long as you disappear, something changes your habits to be so serious. Your gaze is so empty. Just pointing towards the front while still holding my hand.

"Where are we going, Gilar?" ask pleasantries.

"Just walk around."

"How's eating? Said you were a laper?"

"Don't be a laper, Git."

Our steps are far away. If you used to just surround the housing complex, you now lead me to the highway. My feet are actually sore. But, for the sake of my longing for you, I will be strong.

You are more silent when entering the crowd. Sometimes just look around. Expressionless. I followed you obediently. Observing you closely.

What are you, Gilar?

"Where are we going?" yell at you.

You look towards me.

"Nyampe soon!" your revenge.

I nodded in understanding. Don't want to ask me anything more. What matters is that I am with you right now.

The road we walked on started to fall. There are only closed shophouses guarded by beggars. Your hand is getting tighter. Our pace is slowing down.

For a moment I was stunned when I saw not far there was a crowd of motorized young men. My steps are heavy but you lead me tightly. Our steps are getting closer and I hope we can get through it quickly. But, you stopped your steps right in front of them. I'm scared, Gilar!

Suddenly you turn your body towards you. I was confused. What do you want?

"It's my gangmates, Gita." Just reveal you.

My eyes are turning toward the young men behind you. There's nothing I know except Agus. The rest are just strangers to me.

"Sorry, Gita. I can't stay with them."

I was stunned for a moment. Look at the spy behind you who is also watching me. They're not the street thugs I see often when commuting to school from the bus. No one was fighting or strange. Their hair looked like ordinary people. Nothing is strangely colored or eccentric in style. Are these really your bike gang friends, Gilar?

For a moment I felt scared too. Their view seems to want to explain you behind their style that is so normal. I spontaneously pulled your hand away from them a few steps.

"What do you mean? You want to fight?" teraku.

"The terms you said a few weeks ago, Git. I can't qualify for that!"

I swallowed my salivary. That's right, isn't it? Your words at that time that were so easy to accept the conditions were in fact too difficult to achieve.

"Then?" timpalku.

"You can't be my girlfriend, can you?"

I chuckle amusedly. Your forehead is confused.

"Why can't you meet the conditions? Where are you going this week?" ask me to divert the conversation.

You're silent for a moment. Looking at me as if there was something you wanted to tell me.

"I'm in Erik's gang."

My body suddenly cooled, Gilar. Terrified. Take a look back at the scars on your face. Spontaneously I opened your shirt. My mouth is wide open. You tried to pull over, but it was too late. I turned you around, I took your back shirt off again until your back was visible. Bruises. All bruised.

"Is it because you're from a biker gang?" many doubt. Full of bad feelings and worry.

You turned to point your body at me. Nodding with cold eyes.

I'm inching backwards. Trying not to imagine what Erik and his friends did to you. I've never seen such a wound. Seeing my thumb slit I've cried roaring.

"Sorry, Gilar. I'm sorry ..." I'm begging for mercy. I'm sloppy. I don't know if you're really out of the biker gang.

"I'm sorry too, Gita. I can't fulfill your conditions. Too heavy!" timpalmu.

I feel so guilty for acting so recklessly. It's been trashing you this far. I'm also upset that your motorcycle gang is so hard to let you go. Why there must be a reward that you receive even if you just want to be free from that environment.

Already know dangerous, you are still at home there. I don't know what your reason is. Solidarity? A friendship? The identity? But, your surroundings are dangerous, Gilar!

"I love you, Gilar." That's all I can admit. Of all the longings I have missed so far, only this sentence has succeeded in representing.

You slowly approached me. Your gaze is so sad. Full of deep sadness. You pulled me in your arms. I can't escape, I return your embrace.

"I love you, Gilar."

Just the sound of your heartbeat in there. Rhythmic fast and hard. There was also warmth all over my body. I don't want to lose you for any reason. I don't give a shit. Anything. I just want to be with you.

"You still want to be my girlfriend, Gita?"

"Yes, Gilar. I still want to."