Forced Mate

Alex's Memory

Special Part:

Alex P.O.V

***

That day Mommy and Daddy met at home. I'm very happy. After a long time they did not come together, finally appeared. I was waiting on the sofa. Mami comes first, ushered in by the driver and his personal assistant. I ran to greet Mami, hugging her thighs, the highest limit I could embrace.

"Mommy's tired, Alex." Mommy took off my arms. He just walked in without looking at me.

The smile still lingered on my face. I called Daddy, he said he was going home. Maybe about an hour, another car shows up in the garage. I haven't seen Daddy in two months. He promised to buy a new car.

"Daddy!" let me run towards the open door. Daddy sat down and smiled. He stretched out two hands waiting for my embrace. In his arms there is always a warm and a promise to be together.

I remember when I was four years old we were on holiday in Iceland in the winter. Although the snow is very thick there is always a warm embrace of Daddy and Mami. At least that year was our last holiday.

"Mommy's inside?" ask Daddy who I'm nodding. Daddy stand. He rubbed my head before entering the room.

Encouraged by longing, I followed Daddy's steps intending to get into Mami's room. However, I stopped at the door. The sound of things slamming and breaking was earthy with the screams of my parents.

I was seven years old at the time. Not at all understand the core of their dispute. I stared at the door. The screams continued, blaming each other.

When the door opened, Daddy showed up with a suitcase in hand. He dragged the big suitcase out.

"Daddy, where will you go?" I'm after Daddy who's about to get out.

"Daddy has to go, there's work. When we get home, we're on vacation" Daddy promised that night. He kissed my old forehead. Just the back and the suitcase I remember the last time he set foot in our house.

"Now it's just us and Mommy. From now on, you must obey Mami. Don't look for your Daddy again!" mami's nagging as I kept asking when Daddy was coming home.

"But Daddy said he'd come home and take us on vacation again" I said.

"Enough Alex! Mom's tired, so don't get dizzy!"

"Alex misses Daddy" I said honestly. It's been almost a year since I met Daddy.

"You want to stay with Mommy or Daddy! If you keep this up, Mami will send you to Melbourne."

I was silent at that moment. Get down and start crying. That's where I first knew that Daddy would never come home. The promises he once made were lies, whether new cars or holidays together. The main reason I hate promises, is because when denied it hurts so much.

That afternoon I ran away from home, not far away. However, my nanny was quite a search-stricken. I went to the garden near the house, hiding behind the fir trees that were there.

The fact that me and Daddy won't be able to see each other again suffocates the chest. The loneliness that I often feel is getting deeper.

"Al!" The sweet voice that always accompanied me called out.

The tears that were dripping down my cheek immediately erased me.

"I know you must be here. Sister Rahma was looking at home," Tamara's story that her straight hair was partially pigtailed, there was a bang that covered her forehead to her eyebrows. My beautiful friend.

"Why crying?" ask Tamara who is sitting next to me. Cheerful tears were dripping again.

"My Daddy's not coming home said Mami."

My hand was grabbed by Tamara at that time, my little friend began to recite a spell that until now I will not forget, "It's okay, Al. You got me. I will always be Al's friend. Anyway, we'll always be together."

It was that spell that made me put a lot of hope on the little girl. Please, we will always be together at any time.

***

The sky is cloudy in July, it looks like the rain is going to fall in a moment. The seasons are no longer fixed, just like the journey of life. Don't know when to turn or turn.

I spent decades on Earth, and never once believed in destiny. However, Ayu's sudden presence seemed to be a gift sent by God to me. The woman with the dimple on her left cheek gave light to my life full of nights.

Ayu, beautiful orange rays, charming. Who would have thought it was just twilight greeting instantly and gone dark, even darker.

I've been in love before, it's just that this time it's different. There was no beating, but it felt more beautiful and real. The love for Tamara and for Ayu is very different. If it's Tamara, I just want to take care and guarantee her smile. In contrast to Ayu, the love was encouraging and urgent, just as my heart was about to explode. I want to have him, to be by his side at all times. Like I lost myself when I was far away.

If I asked my feelings when I heard Ayu's desire to divorce, I was devastated. Devastated. Like the world I built just collapsed. All dreams of having a happy whole family are lost instantly.

Just imagine, my feet are numb.

I'm used to being lonely. He has been my best friend since childhood. It is no longer new. However, this past year I've been going through with Ayu. It blew a fresh breeze on my barren land, bringing rain soaking up the drought that struck. Now, there may only be a flashpoint ready to burn me out.

This apartment used to be quiet, and I'm fine. However, realizing that in the future there would only be me and desolate, was stifling.

On that sofa, Ayu and her large belly while pregnant Aleeya often lay down eating snacks while watching teve. On that sofa, he used to hold me Aeleya, nursing Aleeya. On that rug I, Ayu, and Aleeya once laughed.

Somehow I lived well in a place full of sweet memories. Lonely has never been so scary as it is now. I'm used to Ayu's smile, Aeleya's laughter and tears.

It's only been an hour in this place, and I feel like I'll be dead soon from overcrowding. How can I continue to live, if every inch of the room in this apartment is full of sweet memories of Ayu and Aleeya.

The fact that I have failed to hit me hard. Crushing each joint. The cupboard containing various types of alcohol was never touched again since I was married. Gio's wine is the only one I've ever taken.

One glass, two glasses, to countless numbers of drinks into the esophagus. The liquid did not help, I was too strong to drink, so almost two bottles were not able to eliminate tightness in the chest.

You know what hurts from having? Bereft.

So, what is so sad about hope? Disillusioned.

I haven't even had time to play the melody that Ayu wants in one piece. The plan to play alone with Aleeya in front of the piano might just be buried in wishful thinking.

My fingers were agilely dancing on the piano, playing one of Beethoven's great symphonies, Fur Elise. The symphony I introduced to Ayu instead of Moonlight Sonata which I think her melody contains sadness.

Fur Elise, a melody that conveys the feeling of love that is so big and happy, even though there is sadness in it. However, from each passage I could feel the spirit and love flowing.

It was Ayu's birthday, her gestational age was eight months. The woman's legs swell, making it uncomfortable to move. We were home all day. As a birthday present, I played this symphony. The expression of love that might have touched his heart.

Ayu's eyes closed and her head swayed as if following the groove. There was a smile on her face, making one of her dimples look beautiful.

"I felt like I was in a flower garden hearing this song" Ayu said at the time, "like someone who likes to look at the face of someone she loves." He continued to reveal that he seemed stunned by Beethoven's deep love.

I who was still sitting in the front seat of the piano just stared at Ayu. At that time I only realized that Ayu's teeth were not so flat, her canine teeth were like pointed down, adding to the sweet impression that the woman had.

I watched him for a very long time, even being able to notice his thick, perfectly curved eyebrows occasionally raised. It seems, it is customary for Ayu to wrinkle her nose when telling a story cheerfully.

That night a beautiful song beat the creation of a great composer as if flowing beside my ears. The smile on Ayu's face made me realize that the love created by her was beyond all the love I had ever felt.

Once again, the love I have claps one hand.

***