Finals

Putting on My Life

There is a habit I have been doing repeatedly. Sit quietly by the beach after 10 p.m. There was only a faint glow from some of the tavern lights that had already closed accompanying me. Also a bottle of fizzy drink that won't make me drunk.

I love the beach breeze that blows and shatters my hair. I love the beach water that soaks my feet. I also love the cold air that hugs my whole body. I really like the beach.

"You still here?"

A man met me with a plate of toast and a bottle of Coca Cola. He's my friend.

"When the atmosphere is good, why are you here?"

And when I do, I don't want anyone to bother me. But this guy doesn't seem to care about me.

"Of course I want to be alone. Is it you who can?"

He's still the same. Good with him 10 years ago with the one that now has no change. He's my friend, his name is Saka.

"There are still plenty of places for you to be alone. Don't be near me."

I expelled. Of course it won't work for him. My words are just like this beach breeze, passing by.

"How much would you pay if I moved? anyway, I still want midnight here. Ntar satan beach."

Hearing her reply made me smile thinly, "His coastal demons are afraid of me."

A piece of it in my head landed.

"It turns out your head is still the same .. stubbornness is still not lost even though the age of a quarter of a century."

I glared at her, "Thanks for the compliment. How much do I have to pay?"

"Out of the toast. That's the price you pay."

He put a closer plate containing his homemade toast on me. Although his nature is still the same but he is still good to me.

Without further ado and hesitation I devoured his artificial bread. Unsteady and traceable.

"Aren't bored but okay."

"Dignifying and praising, it seems like your hobbies are increasing, Naya."

My hobbies have grown. Having a lot of hobbies keeps me busy. It is better to be physically busy than to be busy.

"Yes .. I'll put it on my latest hobby list."

My eyes were fixed on the calm beach. But calm water can turn into tides. My life is like that too. From the age of 10 to the age of 25, the tide never left me.

My life will go up when good things happen to me and then go back down after bad things happen to me. Even now I feel like my life is back to ebbing.

"What are you thinking?"

Saka's voice was teasing me.

"Yes?"

My eyes were diverted from the water of the beach to him.

"Are you happy with your life?"

The man with a slightly disheveled look stopped drinking his Coca Cola.

"So far I've been quite satisfied with my life. What about you?"

I didn't answer him directly. Her questions made me think over and over again and feel my feelings.

That question was never heard in my ear. A familiar question from the man I once loved. I wouldn't think long to answer that.

"I'm so happy that you're in my life!"

After hearing my answer the man would definitely immediately hug me. It was as if her embrace said the same thing as me. But ...

"Let's see, my life feels ordinary."

I took my drink back. Spend it without a little left. I want to drink again and again until I get drunk.

"If you're happy, say happy. If you feel sad, say sad. If you feel angry, say angry."

Saka's words are correct.

"There's soju in your house? or another alcohol? I think I'm gonna get drunk tonight."

But I avoided. I don't want to say what I feel in my conscious state.

Just as I was about to stand towards his stall, his hand stopped me.

"Don't be here, Naya."

"Why?"

"You'll look even more miserable when you're drunk on the beach, let alone it's already night."

Saka's right again but I don't care.

"Let go of my hand, Saka."

"No, let's get out of here. You can get drunk but not here."

And Saka won't lose.

In the end I followed her steps away from the beach. Her warm hand held my already cold wrist. As I moved from there my tears came.

Damn, the tightness in my chest came back.