Cannot Be Touched

28. IT'S NOTHING, IS IT?

Jiho was still standing silently glued. He was stiff at once unable to move his body. What's he supposed to do?

Now, the sweat from his forehead started to drip, his heart was still racing, his breathing was very hunting, feeling tight in his chest.

"Jiho.. long time no see" The woman again greeted Jiho, there was a longing that was very felt.

"I.ii..mother.." Those words just came out of his mouth looking at the figure in front of him with an uncalled feeling.

His heart was beating faster and his breath seemed to strangle Jiho's neck, he could not see his mother, he quickly turned around and left.

"Ah, Jiho where are you going" Shouted Sia who had been beside Jiho ever since.

"Jiho wait......Jiho.hey" Sia chases after Jiho who has been running a little away from the cafe.

Arriving outside the Cafe, Jiho stopped and still stood his back to Sia.

"What the fuck?" Jiho asked Sia in a tone that was not so high but firm.

"I'm sorry, I know you must be surprised, sorry I didn't tell you before, that day you told me everything, about the book, about your mother, about your mother, and you said that the book is very important to you even if it's nothing to other people, because it's special to you, I also know that you miss your mother" Sia said to Jiho calmly.

Jiho was still silent.

"Maybe I did want her, I thought it was my happiness then, but everything was over, her voice was soft, and the touch of her hand rubbed my head warmly and gently, I always miss her, but now.what am I afraid of?isn't that what I wanted?" Inner Jiho.

Sia continues to persuade Jiho to enter the Cafe with her.

Jiho was still thinking and then with a lot of consideration, Jiho finally wanted to enter the Cafe with Sia to see her mother.

Inside the Cafe, they had already sat three, and had not said a word.

"Truly awkward, I can barely breathe, come on tell me something what kind of cake it is, you guys have been sitting for ten minutes and have not spoken, ya amsyoong" Inner Sia throng greg.

"Ohiya Miss Sia, I want to talk to my son in person, can you please give us a moment" Jiho's mother said.

"Ahiyaa, of course, if that is the case, excuse me first" Sia moved from her seat and glanced at Jiho.

"Is he okay? chicken, her face is very pale" Inner Sia.

Sia muttered as she walked out of the cafe.

"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this or it could be that Jiho just wants to keep the book, but the rice has become porridge" Sia then sits in a chair outside the cafe.

While inside the Cafe, Jiho was sitting opposite his mother, after all this time it was only the first time for them to meet again.

"Time passes quickly?" Said Jiho's mother while holding a glass containing coffee.

"You've grown up, since the last time I saw you, I wouldn't know you Jiho if we crossed paths"

"You haven't changed much.." Said Jiho awkwardly.

"Oh really? do I look young? do I still look like I'm 20?"

"Eh, not really" Jiho chirped at the wrong behavior.

Hearing her mother say that, Jiho recalled the painful memories she had as a child.

"Hu hu hu hu where's your mother?"

"That's dirty, a slovenly child like you don't come any closer, hahahah you slob..." Said his stepmother Jiho.

An annoyance in his chest suddenly appeared after recalling the incident, his breathing became irregular.

Brakes......Jiho kicked the table loudly while saying,

"Did you think I was okay all along? look, do I look okay, is that it? you don't know how much I've suffered, you don't know what I've been through since you left, tell me!! why did you do it? why did you leave me without a word?" Jiho said, his breathing was panting, he was holding back the anger he had been craving all this time.

"I didn't leave you, I just ran away" Jiho's mother then kept her glass on the table.

He started telling me everything.

"You know, your dad's a workaholic, I'm trying to understand him because I love him, I think things will get better after we get married, but I'm wrong even when I'm with him, I still feel lonely, I feel alone, to a point, maybe it's my saturation point, I feel so much pain every time I see you, I'm afraid to vent my hateful anger towards you, So I ran away from my life, I was wrong, I failed to be a mother"

Jiho's mother took a short breath with her teary eyes.

"Since then I've always felt guilty, I've regretted leaving you, I miss you all the time, I never forget you for a second, but it can't be repeated"

"Lied!! then why don't you ever look at me, you never see me once, I'm waiting for you why don't you look for me?" Said Jiho slightly shouting in annoyance.

"I can't, I can't.that's something I can't do, because you didn't come looking for me, I thought over and over again, I've already left you, I'm a very bad mother Jiho. How do I meet you? I thought if I did, it would make you more confused and hurt, I didn't take good care of you so I didn't want to interfere in your life, I'm trying to hide as much as I can so you can't see me, I think this is all I can do for you"

Jiho just silently listened to her mother's words, her gaze blank.

"Actually I didn't want to come here, today but I changed my mind after I met him" Jiho's mother said as she sipped her coffee again.

"Him?? you mean??"

"Yes, the girl you were with, Sia Lee, I met her a few days ago, I refused her request to meet you" said Jiho's mother, he then recalled the incident when he met Sia at a Cafe.

Flashbacks.

Sia and her mother Jiho were sitting in a cafe.

"I came to refuse your request, I hurt Jiho, you know I'm a bad mother and I don't deserve to be called a mother by her, even if I meet her, there's nothing I can do" Jiho's mother told Sia, who was sitting in front of her.

"I didn't ask you to take care of Jiho, even if you were separated, you were still his mother, you were, as his mother at most you can help him and explain what really happened so that he does not blame himself and does not suffer anymore" said Sia.

End Flashback.

"Then I realized, under this mask of guilt, that I might have left you again, that's why I came today, braced myself, braced, Jiho may be late but there's something I want to tell you, I never stopped loving you for the rest of my life" Jiho's mother said in a reassuring voice to Jiho, her eyes teary.

Jiho remained silent.

"I always thought there would be no one to love me, I thought everyone close to me would leave me, because they didn't really love someone like me, even if someone says they like me I don't feel anything, I don't know what it's like to love because I've never been loved, I'm always alone.......but somehow after hearing her say as soon as I started...fill in again, I'm okay right?" Inner Jiho.