Bridal Flowers

Saqila Story

 حِيْنَ يُمَزِّقُنِيْ الأَلَمُ وَحِيْنَ يُقَيِّدُنِيْ الحُزْنُ يَزْدَادُ عِصْيَانُ الحَنِيْنِ والجُرْحِ والوَجَع

As the pain ripped me apart, as the grief gripped me, the yearning for my wounds and suffering intensified

                                      ***

"Why did you say?" Sounds cold.

He looked at Abi with a sick and tired look, even the soft and beautiful delicate face was no longer there. Though his fragile personality was so prominent when he used that gentle expression.

But again, it was just a mask. Verily he is not as weeping as he grows strong, ah, perhaps with a strong heart. A heart that is accustomed to the most excruciating pain and helplessness.

"Did it hurt?" He sounded complaining. With eyes full of affection and longing he looked at Uminya who looked chaotic and miserable.

"Does it hurt to know that the one who ruined my brother's life is his own sister?" Ask once to clarify the short question earlier.

Sitting limp on the floor, Umi was no longer strong to continue standing. His strength was exhausted and his anger and disappointment made Umi unable to vent it.

"Why are you doing this, son? Aren't you brothers, but why did you do all that?" Umi asked weakly and only relied on her puffy eyes to look at Saqila who was also looking at her softly.

Hearing Umi's question unconsciously Saqila inhaled a cold air violently, venting her anger through the short movement she did earlier.

"Yet you asked me why, I was really annoyed after hearing that!" Upset Saqila is plagued again with the question 'why'.

Surprised, Umi and Abi are once again taken aback by Saqila's rudeness. Even though the crime has been revealed, they are still not used to it.

"Saqila's.." Bisik Umi still does not believe in his daughter's rude attitude.

"Oo.so you're irritated by that question. Well how about this, I'll replace that question with words that no longer irritate Kak Saqila." Stopping right in front of Saqila, Safira with her playful smile gave a faint provocation to Saqila.

"Sak Saqila, everything that happened to our sister Annisa, what is your reason for doing all that?" The question sounded soft and not sharp, but if he noticed the meaning of this soft pronunciation Saqila should be able to realize clearly that when in Sapphira was mocking him.

Clenching his hands tightly, his hatred for Sapphira was completely unstoppable. Wh why?

Why was he negligent about the presence of this girl?

Why did he not destroy Sapphira from a long time ago with Annisa. Because then his peaceful life will never be disturbed again and this day full of misfortune will end happily.

That is if he does not forget to destroy Sapphira's life. But the fact is that now everything is out of control and he can do nothing but get through it.

Long silent, it felt so reluctant that Saqila answered Safira's question. He knew even if he refused this moment to answer then his parents would never let him escape the other question.

So the end result is the same so there is no other choice but to serve them all.

"Umi, Abi.see and notice how obedient the princess you are proud of all this time. He was so obedient that answering my trivial questions just couldn't."

"He took everything from me." Saqila's voice was filled with hatred. He hates to remember a time when he was only a shadow to Annisa. The feeling of being ignored because it is not as perfect as Annisa, the sense that most Saqila does not want to remember how it feels.

Raising her eyebrows, Sapphira lazily leaned her body against the side of the wall not far from where her parents and Saqila were.

"Everything?" Tanya Safira repeated.

"About what it is, can you explain it?"  He went on to demand a deeper explanation from Saqila. He wanted to show his parents the deepest side they had never seen because it was useless to let his parents ask directly to Saqila, well.both parents were still unable to face Saqila. They still could not believe all the facts they just heard, of course that was certain.

Clenching both of her hands tightly, Saqila returned a glare filled with Safira's ridicule sharply.

"Yes everything." Shifting his gaze looked at his two frail parents on the carpeted floor. There was a feeling of despair that was gnawing at him right now.

"Annisa took all of Umi and Abi's affection from me without sparing it. In the past I often felt that Abi's gaze on Annisa was very different from when Abi looked at me. It's as if Abi gave me an attitude that I'm just his stepson and Annisa's his biological son." He began to tell stories. Saqila is brought back into her past memories, when the tender, affectionate gazes of her parents are so overflowingly given to Annisa. While he... Saqila had nothing to gain.

"You are so indulgent and proud of him in front of so many people. Other families are not left behind by the treatment you give them. They had all always admired the perfection Annisa had and were vying to match Annisa with a man who was not only well established and capable, but also had a faith that made others envious." Then the voices of admiration reverberated in his ears, reminding him of the day when everything was so tiring for Saqila.

"I'm jealous" I admit.

"I'm jealous to see Annisa so easy to get all that but I'm not. I was jealous to see Annisa who was always bathed in the affection of everyone but not me. I'm jealous because Annisa doesn't have to spend a lot of effort to get something cool. But not with me Abi, Umi.hiks.." A clear liquid flowed gently over her smooth and soft white skin. Now that the face looked pale and not fine, he looked so in pain.

"Different from me, I'm not the same as Annisa and Sapphira.." His rebound sounded with all his might holding back his even greater sobs.

"Safira has a different temperament from me and Annisa. He does not need the attention of it all because he is a girl who is indifferent to the surrounding. To him everything is the same so seeing Annisa bathed in affection does not make him disturbed at all.." Sapphira is not the same as the two of them because Sapphira is more downhill Umi nature. This is why Saqila never thought of touching Safira's side because she knew that Safira would never care about their attention and their surroundings.

"But I'm different.hiks.."

"I was weak from childhood, I always needed everyone's attention and affection. But you never thought about it. You never thought that all this time I'd always been in pain to see my brother get all your attention. I'm jealous because I have to work hard to attract all of you but not Annisa. He's got it all. Get everything I need." Raise his right hand to remove the still warm liquid.

"Do you know when I stand side by side with Annisa it feels like I am very small and priceless. I exist but you can't see me, it feels..." Breathing in cold air.

"That's so painful, it hurts so much to be alone when you're all there. So I decided to do something big to change my life. Yes, as you know now I ventured to destroy Annisa. Changing our position where you all just look at me and pretend not to know about Annisa's presence even though she actually exists." Smiling wryly, Saqila ended her story of her painful past.

"I won't say sorry because I know you're all gonna laugh at him. And it's true that my hatred of Annisa to this day remains the same, I can't put it out." Said Saqila sound resigned and honest.

Far from inside his heart the pain was still the same and alive, the feeling never went out even though he tried hard to destroy Annisa's life. He did not know what to do because even though he tried to hurt Annisa it felt like the feeling never lessened or extinguished.

Yes, the pain is still there.

"Why? Why don't you ever say it directly to the two of us? Why does it have to be like this my son.hiks.." Why would Saqila just shut up and prefer to destroy her brother's life?

Wouldn't it be better to say it directly so that this problem does not get to a complicated stage. With Saqila saying that they can both change their attitude and share affection without any jealousy for the other.

"saying?" Saqila smiled coldly, raising her hand to wipe away the traces of tears that were so irritating.

"Are you going to notice me after I say it?" Tanya Saqila endured the pain.

"We will strive to give you fair affection." Abi replied again affirming the purpose of his wife's words. He hopes that this conversation will end peacefully and Saqila can forget her past.

But unfortunately the wound that Saqila can be so deep, so deep that its base alone cannot be seen.

Laughing little, Saqila raised her face staring at the ceiling of this room. Then his trembling hands raised rubbed the corners of his eyes that were screaming to come out of his nest.

"But unfortunately I don't need your pity." Voice bitter.

Lowering his face back to his parents, "I don't want your pity because all I want is your affection!"

"But you don't understand, do you?" Ask miris.

Everyone around Saqila fell silent, some of them noticing Saqila's rare anger and some surrounding Annisa who was still crying bitterly.

Only their families were here because Gio's family had taken refuge in another room, alienating themselves from the affairs of the Annisa family.

"All you see from what I've done is a pity, you think that I need to be pitied but that's not what I want. I just want your heartfelt attention as Annisa gets! But you don't understand. hyks.." His will tried with all his might to endure the cry of pain.

"You ask me why I didn't tell you so that things weren't this complicated?" Smile thinly, smile thinly,

"I want to but I know that you won't care. I'm your daughter too, this is the same as Annisa but why are you putting us both in different positions?"

"I don't understand." His voice was desperate.

"So why should I say it when you and I have an inner bond?" Bitter asked. Saqila and her parents had an inner bond but why did she need to tell her parents about this complaint?

Can't they feel it themselves?

And shouldn't they be able to see that the two of them were already too outrageous that it was so strange to tell the grievances to the two of them.

"You should be able to feel what I feel, you should be able to see that I've never been okay all this time!. Standing beside Annisa made me completely drown out of your attention, when I was there.but you guys deliberately didn't notice me." She is there but if beside Annisa, Saqila is the same as a stranger to her family.

Saqila hated this feeling!

Saqila hated having to recall the pain of being a stranger to everyone!

Why does the distance between them all seem to say that he is no more than a stranger to his own family.

Why are they so cruel?

"Although your reasoning is reasonable enough, but doing this fatal plan, do you not feel any remorse?" Safira asked who had just been silent to listen.

"Since Annisa is our sister, is that uncomfortable feeling in your heart?" Sapphira continued looking for space in Saqila's heart that was still alive for affection.

Silently, Saqila froze in silence.

Is he sorry?

Destroying his blood brother's life, was he not sorry at all?

"I.no.." After a long time he finally answered Sapphira's question with a shaky voice.

"I have no regrets at all for ruining Annisa's life." Again he tried to convince himself that what all this had done was the desire of his heart.

And there was no room for regret in his heart, but was he satisfied?

Saqila thought she was still not satisfied, she needed more time to take everything Annisa had. Take Gio, a man who has always disturbed his sleep and make him fantasize high about an uncertain future.

Taking Umi and Abi again from Annisa, makes her parents forget Annisa completely so that the only thing in their eyes is herself.

Then take all the attention of the family and the people who are out there. He wanted everything and did not want to leave anything for the greedy Annisa.

He wants everything in Annisa!

"Hem, Brother Saqila I understand that you are deeply hurt by the injustice of our parents in sharing their affection but the actions you have done this are also unfair to Sister Annisa. Sister Annisa however did not know anything about all this even after you destroyed it, thinking to suspect you was the most unreasonable thing for her. So I think you're wrong in taking action and what you've done is not to be forgiven." Safira said after concluding all this.

Shifting his gaze looked at Safira who was also staring at him, sharp. "You're saying this because you don't understand how I feel." Saqila was angry. Who is he that so plainly says this?

Safira was not in his position but he said all this clearly when it was very unfair for him.

"It is you who do not understand your position, Brother." Safira said calmly.

"You're hurting innocent people here, are you aware of this?" Connect Safira again.

Smiling coldly, "An innocent person? If it's true Annisa wasn't wrong then why was she so enjoying everything that people gave her? He's Safira's greedy, you should know that." Denied Saqila felt right. Annisa was greedy and greedy that was why Saqila really hated her.

Staring in Saqila, "Believe it or not the most greedy person here is Kak Saqila. I knew Brother would never realize this because Big Brother's heart was already covered in a demonic mist. So the best thing we can do to bring Big Brother to life is to give Big Brother a clear course of action."

"Cover up what shit! Can't you open your eyes that the person you've been defending and protecting is a greedy monster! He's greedy, goddamn it!" Shouted Saqila did not accept her heart being branded covered with mist. No, he could not accept that because the only person like that was Annisa.

That damn rotten widow is a real monster!, Why?

Why could they not realize this and instead accuse him of being a monster?

"Astagfirullah.ay Allah.." Umi voiced out in despair, no longer intending to look at the princess he had been proud of.

What a heartbreak this was after knowing that Saqila was not what they had expected and expected. Saqila is even more than the people who are out there. He was so cruel and showed as if his heart was already closed with no room to breathe.

"You heard it, didn't you?" Sapphira's voice broke the silence.

Standing up straight, Sapphira inevitably came to his parents who were sitting limp on the carpeted floor.

"After destroying her brother's life, Saqila's heart turned out to feel no remorse. Why did this happen?" He asked as he sat himself in front of his parents.

Secretly, Umi and Abi could not say anything other than just being able to stare in shame at the Sapphira that was in front of him.

"That's because you guys are too imfull in your attitude. Giving affection without the right measure, then when one of the children you gave birth to and raised made a fatal mistake you even alienated him. Separate your child as if he were a stranger and do not deserve to stand with you. This is why I insist on exposing all these evils, in addition to making Saqila deterrent I also want to prove to the both of you that your ways have been wrong. You alone have ruined the lives of your children, now after all I wonder what steps you will take for Saqila and Annisa?" Sapphira's voice sounded sad and concerned. How does he not feel sad if the life of his poor brothers starts from the negligence of both parents.

If Sapphira wants to honestly say it, she also feels sad about what Saqila feels. From childhood can only be a shadow for his brother whose heart will not feel hurt.

But even though Saqila was a victim from childhood, doing all this was too much. Why choose to destroy the life of Annisa who knows nothing compared to starting a new life?

Sapphira could not understand this.

Pondering, Abi thought hard about what steps he would give to Saqila because as he saw it was useless to say good things to make Saqila aware, he said, ultimately Saqila will reject her wrong and remain steadfast in the truth that the truest person here is her.

The one who is hurt the most here is him and the one who should feel happy is him.

Sighing heavily, Abi carefully leaned Umi's body in his arms. Weighing carefully that the decision he will take today could have an impact on both Saqila and Annisa.

Surely this will be very good for Saqila especially, the daughter they accidentally hurt as a child.

"Saqila, Abi and Umi apologize if you feel neglected all this time. We're sorry for everything that happened that made you hate Annisa, for all that we're sorry. And to make up for it we know that maybe this will be a little difficult for you but there is no other way but this step. Saqila, from today on we will send you to Abu Hurairah boarding school, you will settle there with the other sisters. Do not be afraid because the boarding house is owned by friends Abi and Umi so to come to visit you will not be as difficult as other boarding schools. As for the decision for Annisa, Abi and Umi decide to accept Gio's proposal. No matter how much you love Gio, son, he will never be yours because his heart is already owned by your Brother. So, Saqila today Abi-"

"What kind of empty muzzle is this!" Sela Saqila was angry and disappointed.

Why throw it in that place?

He was fine though, he also understood and had no shortage of religion then why did his parents send him to that place?

"I have no shortage of religion and I also understand more than anyone out there about our religion but why? Why should I go there when my knowledge of religion is not as low as the people out there?" Ask not to accept. It would be very low to think he was sent to that place when he understood everything.

He understood and understood then why did his parents send him away?

Sighs, "Let's understand, son, if you feel offended sent to that place. Abi apologized but there was no other way but to that place. Abi's friend who now leads the boarding school is a great scholar and in shaa Allah is able to help you to escape from this devil's disease. Don't worry Saqila because we will also accompany you there during your treatment, we promise we won't ignore you anymore." Obviously Abi promised to always be next to his daughter and would never ignore her.

Abi knows that judging from Saqila's attitude, he can conclude that his daughter is entangled in a devil's trap. Trapping her daughter in such a deep and unsubstantiated hatred that she would blindly discern what was good and wrong, Abi no longer wanted to see her daughter be tormented as such by the devil.

"So, in Abi's view, I'm a sick person?" Saqila mumbled.

He said he would take Saqila there for treatment, so Abi thought that he was sick?

He's sick!

"Son, it's not like that"

"Then why did you accept Mas Gio's proposal for Annisa when you found out that I was sick? You should have rejected it and betrothed Mas Gio to me so that my illness could be cured! But you didn't do it, why! Why did Annisa get it and I didn't?" Cut Saqila in despair, even her warm tears had now flowed uncontrollably on her smooth white face but looked pale.

Staring at her daughter in pain, "That's because Annisa deserves it, son. Her first marriage was a reminder to us that Annisa also deserves to be happy with her own choices. As for about rejecting Gio's proposal and setting him up with you, Abi knew that it was all a futile effort. You're not gonna get well, son and the best option is to get you to that place." Abi explained.

He knew that even though he granted Saqila's wish, the heart disease that ensnared him would never heal and would become more and more so. Then the best option is to isolate Saqila to there and busy it with various methods of treatment ruqyah.

Helping Umi stand up, Abi calmly looked at Saqila's pale face.

"Tell Gio's family that we accept his proposal, also say their marriage will be held one more Sunday." Abi told Sapphira who was watching them.

"Good, Abi." Sapphira said between believing and not believing. Indeed, he never thought that Abinya would be this brave to take steps to decide what was best for both of them.

Well.on the whole he was satisfied with all this.

"Then Saqila, this afternoon we will immediately take you to the boarding house Abu Hurairah so please be prepared." Desperate Abi does not want to hear Saqila's desperate voice anymore. He steadfastly swept Umi's body into their room, resting the wife who was so shocked by today's surprise.

"No! I don't want to go..Abi can't be like"

"Come on Saqila, pack your things." Umi Kayla said as she led Saqila to her room.

"I don't want to.why are you guys this selfish just because of that fucking rotten widow.I don't want to!"

Seriate...

Actually confused about what to write because it just so happens that some days your mood is no longer good. Sometimes you want to cry because you can not walk the day as usual, anyway there is aja that makes a good heartache continues so well. the writing is up here only, anyway, tomorrow I will see and I will make sure the writing in shaa Allah is longer than this.